The Poison in Your Smile
by KochouBandit
Summary: Toushirou is content without knowing anything about her past. But she's willing to risk everything in the belief that he's the only one who can save her from the shadows that refuse to leave her be. HitsuxOC
1. Beware the Third Seat Rawr

**HELLO~! Seeing as this is the first chapter I hope you enjoy it !! Please tell me what you think and I love to hear your comments :D**

**I'll be using random Japanese words but for some I'm not sure of the romanji spelling so i'll just write it as it sounds..I hope that doesn't confuse anyone...I'll put a dictionary at the end so hopefully you'll get the gist of it anyways...if i miss something that you don't understand please feel free to message me and i'll gladly translate ^0^**

**I don't own bleach, but I do own Kami :D**

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_Beware the Third Seat. Rawr._

**(Marionette.)**

"What the hell?!" the stronger of the two men in front of me growled. I felt him lean over and his breath tickled my face. "When'd we get another midget?" he scoffed.

Without thinking I swung my arm forward and slammed my fist into the side of his head, roaring, "GET THE **HELL **OUTTA MY FACE!" I was in no mood to be mocked so early in the morning.

I felt the man go reeling back and his friend chuckled girlishly. "You deserved that one, Ikkaku," he snickered. The other man, Ikkaku, jumped up, brushing off my attack like it was nothing and I heard Saiko sigh wearily beside me.

"We're new to Squad Eleven. Hajime mashi-" Saiko was cut off when Ikkaku got up in my face again. He towered over my small frame and I felt him give me a mocking grin.

"Ya trying to act superior or somethin'?" I snarled and he laughed loudly.

"I _am _superior, midget," he sneered.

"What? In the rate of hair loss?" I mocked, having felt his lack of hair when I'd punched him.

"NANI?! BAKA! I'M NOT BALD!"

"Oya, oya, I didn't say that but that **is **a better way of describing it," I sneered and he pushed his forehead against mine and emitted a growl.

"If you could even **see** through your bangs you'd be able to tell I'm _not_ bald!" he growled.

I pushed him away and sloppily smoothed back my bangs. I stuck out my tongue childishly and yelled, "**baka.** I can't see anyways!" I felt him hesitate when he saw my eyes. I'd been told they looked like the color of milk but I had no idea what color that was. I half expected him to pity me, like all my other opponents had and I glared in his direction. But instead I heard him snicker. "A cripple huh? Ya must be pretty strong to be able to get into the Eleventh Squad with such a huge disadvantage," he said and I could hear blatant excitement in his voice.

_FINALLY! A worthy opponent!_

_Don't expect him to give you any handicaps. _Hakuryuu warned but I ignored her. All I'd ever gotten was handicaps and I could feel excitement building in my blood as I gripped my zanpakutou's hilt that was sheathed on my back.

"Can a midget like you even hold a sword?" Ikkaku asked and I heard his grin.

"Let's see," I grinned and pulled it out before lunging. Halfway to Ikkaku I paused. My reiatsu spilled out, covering the room and blanketed every object, allowing me to 'feel' my surroundings. There was a sudden change and I felt a large man with massive reiatsu and a tiny girl on his shoulder walk into my range, my new taicho and fukutaicho.

"I see we got a fighter," he said and his voice sounded slightly maniacal.

"Ken-chan! Look, look! She's almost Shiro-chan's height!" I heard a high voice chirp before I was tackled to the ground. Saiko let out an eep at our lieutenant's quick speed as she straddled my waist with surprising force and pushed back my bangs roughly. I squirmed.

"It's her Ken-chan!" Yachiru said excitedly when she saw my eyes and I felt Zaraki-taicho's reiatsu buzz with excitement.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I sighed as Matsumoto placed a cup of tea in front of me.

"Taicho~!" she sang and I looked up from the file.

"What is it Matsumoto?" I asked tiredly and picked up the tea gratefully.

"You've been staring at the file for _hours_, what is it?" she asked and I twitched when I felt her bust press against the back of my head as she leaned over my shoulder.

"Waah~! She's scary, Taicho! You didn't recruit her did you?" Matsumoto whined and I sighed. I closed the file with a snap.

"Iie," I said coldly and sipped my tea.

"Yokata," Matsumoto breathed, "well, I'll be off! You should take a break, Taicho!" she waved cheerily. My eyes suddenly snapped over to her desk and I jumped up, my hands slamming down on the desk.

"MATSUMOTO! GET BACK HERE AND DO YOUR PAPERWORK!" I roared but it was too late. She was already gone. With an irritated huff I dropped back into my chair. A hollow silence fell over the room and I sighed. Once again my eyes flickered to the closed file. With a sigh I flipped it open revealing those cold eyes. According to her file, she was an inch or two shorter than me, which had surprised me. Her hair was cut messily and one side reached her chin while the other side's length reached her shoulder. Choppy, jagged bangs, that I could tell normally hung over her eyes, had been pulled back to reveal, icy white eyes. The dull black of her hair contrasted greatly with her ghostly, near-translucent, pale skin and her chewed, raw lips stood out vibrantly. I sighed. Despite her record as being labelled dangerous at the academy, she'd been the perfect candidate for my currently open third seat.

I frowned.

_Kurohime Kami._

I closed my eyes, frustrated by the fact that Zaraki had gotten his hands on her instead. I took a big gulp of tea and ignored how it burned down my throat. There wasn't much I could do about it now so I might as well move on.

**(Marionette.)**

"Oh? You're the girl the Academy said was dangerous?" He asked and my reiatsu flooded everywhere. Too many people had walked into the room to see what the ruckus was about and I was getting disoriented. My reiatsu filled up everything in the room and I saw my captain approach me. He was huge, I realized, at least ten times my size as he towered over me and picked me up from the ground by my arm.

"What'chya doin', girl?" he asked dangerously and I felt my reiatsu flare. The only person I allowed to touch me was Saiko and I slapped his large hand away from my body. I heard a few dark chuckles.

"She's got good spirit," Ikkaku said, still sounding like he was grinning madly.

"What about your friend?" He asked me and through my reiatsu I felt him jab his thumb in Saiko's direction.

"I'll fight if it's needed," she sighed.

Zaraki grunted. "It's like female versions of you two," he said and turned to Ikkaku and his friend.

"Except I still have hair," I said and pulled down one eye and stuck my tongue out in Ikkaku's direction.

"Gaki," I heard him growl and I laughed and danced back over to Saiko's side.

"My name is Awashita Saiko," she said, smiling at the unnamed male beside Ikkaku, "what's your name?"

"Ayasegawa Yumichika," he said and I felt him flip his hair. There was vain and pride mingled in with his reiatsu and I raised an eyebrow.

"Oi, what's your name?" Ikkaku asked and I glared at him.

"Like I'm going to tell you," I grunted.

"This is Kurohime Kami," Saiko said and I glared at her.

"Traitor," I snapped and jumped nimbly before smacking her over the back of the head. She whined slightly. She clutched her bruised skull as I landed lightly with a huff.

"What about you, baldy? You got a name?"

"I'm not-"

"Madarame Ikkaku," Yumichika said pleasantly. He had a nice voice, even if it was vain.

"Why're you two here so early?" Zaraki grumbled and I heard his bells ring when he scratched his head.

I shrugged. I hated getting up early but Saiko was all smiles and cheeriness by 6:30. We'd gotten here by 7:30 and that's when we met Ikkaku and Yumichika. "Ask her, she's the one who dragged me here," I grumbled.

"I didn't want to be late," she said defensively and crossed her arms.

My eyebrow twitched and I felt a vein throbbing in my head. "No one was even **awake** when we _left_," I growled.

"We might as well see what you've got then," Ikkaku grumbled and I heard him draw his sword. Instinctively I pushed Saiko back and had Hakuryuu at his throat before he'd even fully drawn his sword. "What the-" he was cut off by his own shock.

I heard Zaraki laugh. "You'd better watch out Ikkaku, she might take your spot as sanseki."

It was my turn to be surprised. "You're sanseki?" I asked, incredulous.

"Why are ya making it sound so shocking?!" He growled before he tried to grab my hand and fling me off. Just as his hand grazed his wrist I sheathed my sword and used shunpo, appearing at Saiko's side.

She looked a little bewildered before saying angrily, "I can look after myself, Kami."

I didn't say anything. I _knew_ that. But it was just easier if I looked after the both of us. We'd had the argument before but I guessed she was embarrassed in front of our new captain and superiors. "What seat are you?" I asked not even bother to act as if I was looking in Yumichika's direction.

"Goseki."

"As far as I know, you guys frown upon kidou related shikai and bankai…don't you?" I asked. I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from their mouths.

"Che," was all Ikkaku said and I felt him look away.

"If I beat you **without** using shikai, will you take me seriously?" I asked and a challenging grin spread across my lips. I felt Ikkaku's eyes on me and Saiko sighed.

"You're on!" I felt him run towards me, drawing his sword with ease. His feet followed an easily readable pattern. Just before he reached me I crouched and swiped leg underneath him. My foot hooked onto his and I pulled it out from under him sending him sprawling into a face plant.

"HA! Like I'd ever want to be taken seriously by **you**! That's fer calling me a brat!" I called mockingly and made a face.

"YOU LITTLE- NOUBIRO, HOUZUKIMARU!" I waited, albeit amusement, as he slammed the base of his sword to the base of his sheath. I felt his reiatsu increase as he released his shikai. I grinned. He swiped through the air and I laughed.

"You're too slow!" I teased, dancing just out of reach with each attack. Finally getting bored I jumped onto the end of his naginata and pushed it into the ground before running up the staff.

"Don't underestimate me, **GAKI**! SAKERO, HOUZUKIMARU!" The staff split under my feet and I leaped backwards. It swung and I heard it slice through the air. I hadn't drawn Hakuryuu yet and I frowned.

_I'll guide you._ Hakuryuu purred and I grinned. I focused all my reiatsu in my forearm and I slammed it into the blade of his naginata. It blocked it easily and I pushed it aside with grunt of triumph.

"I'm not done yet, gaki!" I didn't even need Hakuryuu to guide me as I listened to the loud hum of the blade cutting through the air. I spread my reiatsu evenly and blocked the blade and moved like I'd watched a cat do once. Carefully I used shunpo to approach him. If I could get close enough, it would be frustrating to use such a long ranged weapon. I ducked under the staff as it cut above me before I took my chance. My reiatsu spilled out, suddenly letting me feel where he was standing. I felt a malicious grin I leapt forward, finding an opening. My fist slammed into his stomach and he was sent flying backwards. I turned slightly and felt a light sting as Houzukimaru retracted, shallowly slicing my cheek. He crashed through the door and I heard a couple of yelps. Knowing they were the new squad members I quickly pulled Yumichika in front of me.

"You're so _strong_, Yumichika-san, taking down a **sanseki**," I said enthusiastically, slapped him on the back, and pranced over to Saiko who just stood, frozen in shock.

Zaraki laughed and it resonated through the room, vibrating my bones. "I like ya, gaki," he said and I felt him turn to leave, "I'll leave the introductions to you two." I heard Ikkaku stand up

"I'm gonna kill you, gaki," he muttered.

"What was that, Ikkaku-sanseki-san?" I asked, suddenly being polite. My grin widened when I heard Yumichika snicker.

"OI, YUMICHIKA! DAMARE," Ikkaku yelled causing a few of the new recruits to tremble and inch further away. He turned the cowering shinigami with a foul glare, "OI. MINNA. Line up **now**."

Everyone scrambled to make a line on either side of Saiko and I.

Leaking out malicious reiatsu he grinned evilly. "This is the beginning of the worst," he sneered. I felt someone pee on the floor.

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**I know that Toshiro wasn't really in this an i apologize but I wanted to introduce Kami and Saiko :D I hope you like them~!**

**DICTIONARY:**

**Hajime mashite (when Saiko first introduces herself this is what she's meaning to say but is cut off D:) -pleased to meet you**

**nani- what**

**baka- idiot**

**reiatsu- spirit force**

**taicho- captain**

**fukutaicho- lieutenant**

**iie- no**

**yokata- thank goodness**

**sanseki- third seat**

**goseki- fifth seat**

**Noubiro- grow**

**gaki- brat**

**sakero- split**

**damare- shut up**

**minna- everyone**


	2. Changes

**YAY~! Second chapter ._______. please enjoy and dun forget to review, bwahaha.**

**(I dont own bleach)**

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_Change..._

_There was a growing pain in my chest, right where my heart should be. Is this what heartbreak feels like?_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I looked over the file idly. She appeared to meet all the necessary requirements. My eyes flickered over her background information before raising them to meet bright pink irises. I closed the file and straightened while picking up the stack of papers. She chewed on her bottom lip as I tapped them on the table to tidy them.

"Congratulations on your new position as sanseki, Hozumi Ayako."

**(Marionette.)**

I hesitated before taking a swig from the bottle that Ikkaku tossed to me, not liking the fuzzy effect it had on his reiatsu.

"Where's Awashita-chan?" Yumichika asked just as I took a tentative sip. The sharp, bitter taste hit my tongue and I cringed. I hurled the bottle at Ikkaku and managed to hit him in the head with it.

"What the **hell** is that shit?" I growled.

He scowled. "You've never had sake before?" he asked, seeming surprised.

I grimaced. "No. That stuff tastes disgusting," I growled before answering Yumichika's question. "She's back at the dorms reading." He seemed to think it over before I felt his reiatsu sadden.

"She's not fitting to well in here, is she?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I guess not," I said softly before snorting. "I don't even have a physical shikai and I fit in better than she does," I mused.

"She's not a fighter," Ikkaku grunted, "that's for sure."

I rolled my shoulders. "I dunno. I have a feeling she wants to transfer but doesn't want to mention it," I muttered.

"Why not?" Ikkaku asked and I heard Yumichika smirk.

"It's obviously because she knows that Kami-chan'll go with her," he said in a knowing voice.

"You'd actually leave just because she hasn't been fitting in during the first few months?" Ikkaku asked incredulously.

"Would you leave if Yumichika left?" I asked bluntly and the question caught him off guard. He didn't answer but both Yumichika and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to follow his friend and vice versa.

"You two are close, huh," Ikkaku commented more than asked.

"She's the only thing I hold precious in this world," I grumbled and scratched my head, "although I don't know why."

"Always so cold-hearted," Ikkaku laughed and I felt him take another gulp of the cursed beverage.

"Well, she _is_ pretty clumsy," Yumichika chuckled warmly, "it's cute." He seemed to drift off into his own thoughts for a moment before he said, "but yeah, she's definitely _not_ a fighter. I **love** her looks though, very pretty."

My attention shifted to him curiously. I'd never really considered _what_ she looked like. "What _does_ she look like?" I asked.

"Hontou ka? You've _never_ asked her what she looks like?" Ikkaku inquired being unnecessarily loud.

"Nope, not really," I admitted, "her hair's…curly, right?"

"Extremely."

"What color is it?"

"Dark purple."

"…"

"If you don't know what colors are, why'd you ask?" Ikkaku growled. I shrugged.

"What about her eyes?" I asked.

"**Very** pretty," Yumichika said and I felt him nodding to himself, "they're brown with green and golden flecks in them."

My eyes stared blankly ahead as I struggled, trying to think of what any of this might look like.

"She has nice, light-tanned skin too," Yumichika continued.

"Hm," was all I could say. I felt kinda bad not realizing that Saiko was so pretty. Not that she seemed to care but she was always turning down guys so that she could hang around me. I frowned. Next time a good guy asked her out for a date and she was even a little bit attracted to him, I decided that I'd force her to go.

I pushed away from the railing and stood up. I noted, albeit annoyance, that the lower half of my body had gone numb. I could feel the energy in the air changing and the light was decreasing drastically. "How long have we been out here?" I asked.

"A couple of hours," Ikkaku said nonchalantly. I sighed.

"Alright, I'm gonna go check up on Saiko. Oyasumi," I called and began to walk along the platform in the direction of the dorms. Yumichika was right. I knew that Saiko felt bad about my constant need to have her happy. Even though I knew she wanted to make **me** happy we both knew it was impossible. We followed each other without question but I knew that deep inside she wanted me to get what I wanted for once and that was why she hadn't posed the idea of transfer. She knew that I liked it in the juichi-bantai but would leave if she so much as breathed the idea. I sighed and opened the door to the room we were sharing.

"Yo, Saiko," I grumbled and nearly tripped over a stack of books.

"Kami!" she said, jumping up and promptly fell over **another** stack of books. I sighed.

"You're such a klutz. I'm _blind_ and I don't trip like you do," I teased.

"I don't-"

"You trip on _nothing_ and I don't even know how that's **possible**," I laughed.

"Shaddap," she said and scowled playfully. I laughed.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I asked and she jumped up excitedly.

"Can we go to the tree?" she asked. I paused before nodding.

"Sure, why not?"

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I watched Hozumi flitter around the office and to be honest, I was getting quite irritated. Her long, straight, blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail and still reached her waistline. It hit a stack of paper on my desk when she turned around and I frowned.

"Taichoo~?" her tiny, heart-shaped face was suddenly in mine and I jumped. My hand jerked and a jagged, inky black line stretched across the paper. I felt a vein in my head throb but she didn't seem to notice.

"What, Hozumi-san?" I growled.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked cheerily. I nodded grudgingly and she skipped out of the room. I was relieved when the door closed and the room was empty except for myself. I sighed and pulled a fresh sheet off the pile and began to re-write what I'd been working on previously. But my mind began to wonder to Hozumi's height. Like Kurohime, she was, give or take, an inch or two shorter than me. I'd been used to having only Yachiru shorter than me. I hadn't actually _met_ Kurohime, but it was odd to know that suddenly there were two new people that were shorter than me.

I sighed. Hozumi would take some getting used to but she seemed to be fitting in well. She was also quick with paperwork, which pleased me. I glanced over at Matsumoto's desk with a scowl. She hadn't showed up today. I rose from my chair, stretching out my aching muscles, and walked over to her desk to collect the neglected paperwork. I stopped for a moment and felt my frustration rise. Her desk was gathering **dust**.

**(Marionette.)**

I reclined on the branch and felt the wind gently sway the tree. I felt Saiko settle below me and I laced my fingers behind my head with a content sigh. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I heard Saiko whisper, "I wish you could see the stars."

I grunted. "I don't really care," I said and closed my eyes.

"You used to love them," she murmured sadly, "you loved the trees too."

"I don't remember…Saiko," I said gently, "I don't miss what I don't remember."

There was another silence and I felt Saiko growing increasingly sad. I sighed. "So what do you think of the juichi-bantai?" I asked casually. I felt her stiffen and she forced cheeriness into her voice when she said,

"I like it."

I didn't open my eyes as I said, "Really? I was thinking about getting a transfer."

Her breath hitched. "But I thought you really liked it here! You get along so well with Ikkaku and Yumichika…" she trailed off when she realized the excitement that'd seeped into her voice.

I rolled off the branch and landed in front of her in what felt like a frog's crouch. "You don't like it here, either," I said and focused on her intently, causing her to shuffle uncomfortably.

"N-not really," she admitted.

"**Baka**," I said and glared at her, "all you had to do was say so."

I leapt lightly back up to my branch and settled on my stomach, my face turned in Saiko's direction.

"We should cut your bangs," she mumbled.

"Meh, I don't really care," I yawned.

"I know, but we should anyways," she persisted.

"Hai, hai. We'll do it when we get back," I submitted and I felt her reiatsu flutter happily. I frowned as I pondered on Saiko's abilities. She had great potential, no one knew it better than I did, but I couldn't help but think I was holding her back. "Ne, Saiko?"

"Mm?" she sounded slightly surprised by my suddenly serious tone.

"What do you think about splitting up?"

"W-what do you mean, Kami?" she asked and I heard the panic in her voice.

"I mean, what if I stayed here and you got a transfer?" I asked slowly so that she wouldn't jump to conclusions.

"So you **do** like it here," she muttered. "I'll stay, if that's what you want, Kami."

_So much for not jumping to conclusions..._

"**Baka**!" I shouted and kicked her in the head with my dangling foot.

"Oww," she whined and I scoffed.

"If you don't wanna separate then so be it. I'm just suggesting it cause I feel like I'm stunting your growth," I said huffily.

"Like _you're_ the one to talk," she growled and I felt her massage the back of her head.

"Urusei," I growled, "I meant skill wise, stupid."

"I _know_," she said and I felt her roll her eyes sarcastically, "but I don't want to split up."

I sighed. "You can't go any further with me standing in your way. I mean, don't get me wrong, I _want_ to protect you and be with you…but…if something happens to me…" I trailed off.

"I know…it's just hard. We haven't been separated since…that time…"

"Yeah…" I tried to block out the memories that wafted through and succeeded.

"Maybe we should…it'll probably make us stronger…"

I yawned again. "Well, let's go back and sleep on the idea. I have a feeling if I fall asleep here I'm gonna fall out of the tree." I heard her giggle and it brought a tiny smile to my face.

_I'll always prefer that laugh to this depression she's been in._

_You __**do**__ know that she wants you to be happy as well…right?_

_We both know that's impossible. _I thought darkly.

_Hurry up and get back to your room before you walk into a wall._ Hakuryuu grunted and I laughed mentally.

_Saiko would **never** let me live it down._ I thought with a grin.

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**Soooo~? Whaddya think? **

**Dictionary:**

**hontou ka? -really?**

**oyasumi- (good)night**

**juichi-bantai- Eleventh Squad**

**hai- yes (hai, hai = yeah, yeah)**

**urusei- shut up**


	3. Transferred

**Please let me know how you like it so far :D**

**thank you Deathisangel and Rai-neko-dono for the alerts and thankyouthankyou Love Randome for the fave _and_ the alert :DDD (yesh I get excited by little things like this XD)**

**I dont own bleach :)**

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_Transferred._

**(Marionette.)**

"I would like to request a transfer," Saiko said softly, standing in front of Kenpachi's desk.

He looked up and I sensed that he'd been expecting this. "What about you, Kami?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Are you transferring too?" he asked, sounding a tad bored.

"No…" I trailed off.

"Hm," I felt him stand, "I thought the two of you were close."

"Do you care?" I asked with a sigh.

"Not really," he laughed.

"Then don't ask," I said haughtily.

"K-kami!" Saiko chided and I scowled.

"Heh. Well, I can't say I didn't expect this," he muttered and I heard him scratch the back of his head.

"Well?" I persisted.

"Here's the deal," Kenpachi said and I felt a sudden flicker of dread, "Kami has to get **one** scratch on me for you to get a transfer. But if **Saiko** transfers…_Kami_ transfers too."

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Taichoo~! She's cute, ne?" Matsumoto whispered and her eyes flickered to Hozumi.

"I suppose," I muttered but my eyes didn't lift from the paper in front of me.

"Waah! Demmoo!! You finally find a cute girl _your_ height and you're telling me you haven't even _considered_ taking her out on a date?!" Matsumoto hissed with a pout.

I sighed and glared at her. "**No**, Matsumoto. Now go do your paperwork before I freeze your ass to the chair," I growled. She whimpered before sulking over to her desk. I heard her grumble something about how it wasn't fair that I'd hidden her sake but I ignored her.

The room fell into silence, save for the sound of brushes against paper until a large knock interrupted us. Hozumi looked up, her pink eyes slightly wide with surprise and I sighed. Matsumoto had _just_ started her paperwork.

"Is Hitsugaya-taicho and Matsumoto-fukutaicho present?" a voice asked politely.

"You may enter," I stated. Matsumoto rose from her seat to greet the messenger but I didn't bother to get up. It'd probably be something frivolous anyways.

"I have an urgent message from Zaraki-taicho. He's been hospitalized by one of his subordinates and would like you to meet him at the juichi-bantai division when he is released from the yon-bantai division," the messenger related making my eyes widen.

_Zaraki Kenpachi was __**hospitalized **__by one of his __**subordinates**__?_

I looked to Matsumoto who seemed to be in shock. I cleared my throat and rose from my seat. "When will he be released?" I asked.

The messenger bowed. "He should be released by now. Fortunately the injuries were minor…" he trailed off. I glanced at Matsumoto and nodded.

"You're dismissed," she said and the messenger nodded and closed the door.

"Who do you think it was? It couldn't have been Ikkaku or Yachiru, could it?" Matsumoto asked nervously. I shrugged.

"Let's go and see what Zaraki has to say about it," I said grimly and began to walk to the door.

"What should I do, Taicho?" Hozumi asked brightly, despite the situation.

"Keep doing your paperwork," I grumbled.

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Zaraki was lying in one of the empty rooms when I arrived. He faced the open doors, his bandaged back facing Matsumoto and I. When he didn't say anything I cleared my throat impatiently. He looked over his shoulder, a slightly deranged grin spreading across his lips, almost like he hadn't noticed us arrive. Yachiru sat beside him. When I walked in, I half expected her to tackle me like she normally did, yelling 'SHIRO-CHAN'. But she didn't. She stared outside, along with Zaraki who seemed focused on something that I couldn't see from my angle.

"Oh, ya showed up, Hitsugaya-taicho?" he grumbled and forced himself up into a sitting position. He turned to face us while Yachiru continued to stare out into the garden.

"I heard you were hospitalized by a **subordinate**. Care to explain?" I asked with a smirk. He laughed and the pure volume of it shook the room.

"She really is an interesting girl," he said with another wide grin, "except for one thing."

I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms in my sleeves expectantly.

_Who is he talking about?_ I wondered. It couldn't have been one of the new recruits; even a prodigy wouldn't have enough reiryoku to cause a captain, let alone _Zaraki_, to be hospitalized.

He glanced over his shoulder again, lost in thought for a moment, before turning to me. "I can't help her get stronger," he said and I snorted.

"Isn't your squad all about strength?" I retorted, wondering what this had to do with me.

"But there's something _emotional_ keeping her from getting stronger. As a squad, we don't have the ability to help in that area," he laughed, "an' besides, you wanted her as sanseki, didn't you?"

I nearly choked on the air I was breathing. My arms slipped from my sleeves and my eyes widened uncontrollably. "_Kurohime Kami_?" I blurted, unable to hide my shock.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto asked, not recognizing the name. Then her eyes widened in realization, "wait, the creepy looking girl whose file you kept looking at?"

I glared at her before nodding slightly.

"Subarashii," Kenpachi grinned and I narrowed my eyes.

"What does this have to do with the ju-bantai?" I asked suspiciously.

"I want to transfer her to your squad," he said with a grin and my eyes bugged…again.

"Nandato?! She **attacked** you, **hospitalized **you and you want to _transfer_ her?" I asked incredulously.

He shrugged. "I initiated it," he said casually.

"You attacked your own subordinate?" I asked. This conversation was starting to irritate me. Why would a captain attack his own subordinate for seemingly no reason? How did a no-rank shinigami have enough strength to even land a scratch on a captain in the first place? It was making no sense to me and I was starting to get a headache.

"I told her, for her friend to transfer, she had to be able to land a hit on me. But if her friend transferred, so did she," he said and grinned.

"If she's so strong, why don't you want to stay in your squad?" I asked and massaged my temples.

"So she can get stronger!" he said grinning madly.

"You _lost_," I commented dourly and he scoffed.

"I obviously wasn't using my full strength. It was just an excuse to get her transferred. If she gets rid of that emotional obstacle then it's a clear path. I had a feeling it was related to her friend. I expected them to try and transfer together but it was easier when they decided to split up on their own," he said. I felt my headache grow.

"So you want her to transfer into _my_ squad?"

"Yeah. You needed a sanseki, didn't you?"

"I **have** a sanseki," I growled.

"Hm, how unfortunate. Maybe I should see if jusan-bantai will take her," he said, somewhat disappointed.

I sighed. "I didn't say I **won't** accept her," I said, exasperated.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto seemed surprised.

"Bring her in here, I want to meet her before I make any decisions," I grumbled. Zaraki turned and yelled out the door,

"OI! GAKI! Get in here!" I cringed at the loudness of his voice and Matsumoto squeaked.

"SHADDAP! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LOST!" A voice growled before the short shinigami hopped up into the room from the garden. I felt her reiatsu suddenly focus on Matsumoto and I. A flicker of surprise danced across her face. It was, however, fleeting and it, almost instantaneously, contorted into a scowl.

"Hitsugaya-taicho," she said blandly and Zaraki laughed.

"Don't be such a pain, Gaki," he chuckled and she glared in his direction. I watched as Yachiru crawled over and hugged her from behind.

"Ne~Kami-chan, I don't want you to leave," she whined.

"Tell that to our baka-taicho," she growled.

"KAMI!" A voice yelled angrily and Ikkaku jumped into the room followed by Yumichika.

"Oi, this is a private meeting," I growled.

"You're not allowed to leave," Ikkaku grunted and ruffled her hair. She glared at him and swatted his hand.

"It's not like I _want_ to," she muttered.

"Are you going with Awashita-chan?" Yumichika asked and glanced at me. I watched them stoically, although I was miffed that I'd been ignored.

"Iie. She's going to roku-bantai," she said curtly, "now **leave**."

"Don't be such a brat," Ikkaku retorted and smacked her over the back of the head.

"Ya trying to pick a fight, baldy?!" she screamed, jumping to her feet.

"WHO'RE YA CALLIN' BALD, YA MIDGET!" Ikkaku yelled, also rising to his feet to tower over her.

"Yare, yare. Yelling like that is so ugly," Yumichika sighed.

"Kammmiii-chaaan!" Yachiru cried and wrapped her arms and legs around Kami's leg.

I looked to Zaraki who was watching with a mixture of boredom and amusement. He sensed my eyes on him and turned to look at me and slowly, he grinned. "So? What's the verdict?" he asked and the bickering ceased. I closed my eyes as I mulled the idea over and out of habit my arms folded.

_I feel bad, taking her away when she obviously likes it here…but if she turns out to be a secret weapon another squad might not send her back…I could always send her back after a year or two…_

I sighed. "Send me her paperwork by the end of the day," I said shortly, "let's go, Matsumoto."

**(Marionette.)**

I sighed.

_So that's it…huh._

_You're acting as if you'll never re-join the juichi-bantai._ Hakuryuu scoffed.

_I know, but I was actually starting to like it here…_

_So maybe it's better if you switched…_

_Mm. You have a point._ I replied half-heartedly. I threw my clothes into my bag. I had no personal items. I shifted my reiatsu around the room. Saiko had already managed to move all her books out while I had procrastinated. She slipped into the room but I felt her anyways.

"You didn't have to do it," she said and I could tell she was slightly angry.

"Yes I did," I retorted calmly.

"If you like it here so much, why don't you just stay?" she demanded and I felt tears drip down her cheeks. I straightened and put my hands on my hips but didn't bother to turn to face her.

"That's one of the reasons I'm leaving," I snapped coldly and I heard her stifle a sob.

"S-sometimes I just wish…that you didn't choose me. That you'd chosen h-her instead of me," she whispered through the steady flow of tears that were now dripping onto the floor.

"Come here," I sighed. I heard her reluctantly drag her feet over to me and I pushed her onto the bed. I leaned forward so that our noses were almost touching. "I chose you because I care about you," I said angrily, "don't **ever** try and make me regret my choice. I made no mistakes that night and you'd better remember that."

Her hands wrapped around my shoulders and she pulled me into a hug. I sighed as she sobbed into my shoulder. Neither of us said anything as slowly her tears began to run dry. She hiccupped but didn't move. I sighed. I placed one hand on the back of her head and wrapped my other arm around her shoulders. I didn't know how to be comforting, and this was the best I could do, but it seemed to work. Slowly her breathing regulated and her arms tightened around me before sliding off. I stepped back.

"I'll come and check up on you whenever I get the chance," I said, as if her minor breakdown had never happened.

"Alright," she sniffled.

"Let's go then," I said in a bored tone. She nodded silently and stood. I snatched up my bag as I passed it on my way to the door.

"Kami?"

I paused. "Yeah?"

"Thank you…for everything."

I grinned, "don't worry about it."

* * *

**Dictionary:**

(List of Squads, in order)

**ichi-bantai**

**ni-bantai**

**san-bantai**

**yon-bantai**

**go-bantai**

**roku-bantai**

**nana-bantai**

**hachi-bantai**

**kyu-bantai**

**ju-bantai**

**juichi-bantai**

**juni-bantai**

**jusan-bantai**

**nandato- what did you say**

**reiryoku- spirit power (reiatsu- spirit _force_)**

**subarashii- wonderful/that's great**


	4. Matchmaker Matsumoto

**Yo, I hope you're enjoying it so far :]**

**Nope, I don't own Bleach (shocking, I _know!_)**

**

* * *

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_Matchmaker Matsumoto_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Anoo…Hitsugaya-taicho?" Hozumi murmured and I glanced up.

"What is it, Hozumi-san?" I asked tiredly and dipped my brush in the ink.

"I was…wondering…" she trailed off and I glanced up at her. She rocked back on her heels and her long golden hair cascaded over her shoulders. She'd curled it today. I sighed and rested my chin on the heel of my hand, waiting for her to continue.

"Yes, Hozumi-san?" I asked shortly, when she didn't say anything.

"There's a new…café in town…and I was wondering if…?"

I looked at her expectantly. So there was a new café, I wasn't seeing the point.

I heard Hyourinmaru's rumbling laugh in the back of my mind but I blocked him out. I didn't need _him_ understanding something I didn't.

"…if you wanted to go with me?" She smiled shyly and a faint pink dusted her cheeks. I blinked.

"Can't you go by yourself?" I asked and moved to pick up my brush that'd I'd set down.

"T-taicho?"

I glanced up at her. "Why can't you go by yourself?" I asked again.

Her eyes widened and her blush deepened.

_Does she not know where it is or something?_ I wondered irritably.

"I-I meant as a…date," she whispered shyly. I felt my own eyes widen and for a moment I didn't know what to say. I opened my mouth to say no but Matsumoto threw her arms around my neck and her bust pressed against the back of my head. My eyebrow twitched.

"He'd _love_ to go," she said happily, "ne, taicho?"

"I-"

"Good!" she said as if the matter had been settled.

A grin spread across Hozumi's face and her eyes lit up. "H-hontou ka?"

"Hai~!" Matsumoto sang, not giving me a chance to speak. I glared at her discreetly and Hozumi glided back over to her desk, a strangely dreamy look on her face. I grimaced. I'd never been on a date and I had no interest in going with Hozumi. As a subordinate she was competent but I had no attraction to her in _that_ way.

"Matsumoto," I said calmly but she stiffened when she heard the silent anger.

"Hai, Taicho~?"

"I need to speak-"

There was a knock at the door and Matsumoto released me from her embrace. She straightened and her demeanor changed from mischievous to professional.

"Enter," she said and the door opened. A timid looking shinigami entered the room and her eyes flickered to me nervously.

"Yes?" I asked.

"The new transfer has arrived," she said softly.

"I'll go greet her," I said hastily and left the room before Matsumoto or Hozumi could object.

**(Marionette.)**

I stood patiently waiting for someone to come and meet me. I stretched my reiatsu out and searched every inch of the room. There was nothing particularly interesting about the room. There were wooden floors, there were a couple of things hanging on the wall and that was about it. I heard footsteps and my reiatsu caught Hitsugaya's. I was surprised, to say the least.

_Why wouldn't he just send a subordinate?_ I wondered.

_Maybe he just wants to be friendly?_ Hakuryuu suggested. I snorted.

_Yeah..__**that's**__ it. _Hakuryuu was about to reply when I felt his flustered and agitated reiatsu. He turned the corner and I frowned.

"Why so glum, chum?" I asked and pushed myself off the wall where I'd been leaning.

I felt him regard me oddly and I examined him with my reiatsu.

"What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"Your reiatsu is a little constricted. It's getting a bit blue," I drawled.

"Do you even know what blue is?" I heard him snap.

I shrugged. "I heard it's an expression of depression," I said, "I have no idea what the color is."

He sighed. "It's nothing," he said and began to walk away.

"Where are we going?" I asked and picked up my bag. I hurried after him before we fell into a slow, relaxed pace.

"I'm taking you to your room," he said offhandedly and I studied him closely.

"Mattaku, your reiatsu is starting to bug me," I muttered.

"Is that so?" he asked and I could tell he didn't really care.

"Yup," I said just as coldly.

"How?"

"Your emotions are annoying as hell," I snapped.

"How are _my_ emotions bothering _you_?" He asked and I could hear the pure irritation in his voice.

"Your emotions are leaking into your reiatsu like crazy," I explained irritably, "it's almost suffocating."

"Oh," he hesitated, "suman."

"So what happened?" I asked for the sake of conversation. I felt his reiatsu tighten with embarrassment.

"Nothing," he mumbled and turned a corner.

"What? Someone ask you on a date or something?" He coughed and I turned to him. "You're serious?" He didn't say anything. I struggled to hide my amusement but couldn't contain my hysterical laughter. "Is she _that_ ugly?!" I gasped through desperate breaths. I felt a sudden pain in my chest and my laughs ceased immediately. My fingers fumbled to clasp the cloth of my robes above my heart and my eyes watered. I hid it as best I could and he didn't seem to notice. As I brought my emotions into reign I felt the pain dull before disappearing completely.

"She's not ugly," he said after a moment and our surroundings changed into a more enclosed area. I realized we were in a room.

"So what's the problem?" I asked and I moved my reiatsu around the room.

"Why am I talking to _you_ about this?" he asked grumpily. I turned to face him but I my reiatsu wasn't focused on anything particular.

"Because you're a prude and don't have anyone to talk to?" I elaborated curiously.

"Mind your place," he growled and I shrugged.

"Whatever, but if you make her cry you're going to have a tough time dealing with it later," I mumbled and tossed my bag onto the bed.

I heard him snort but his reiatsu wavered with unease. "Oh come off it. I'm sure it'll go fine," I muttered.

He didn't reply and I felt his reiatsu grow cold. "Currently you're unseated," he stated bluntly, changing the subject, "but I'm going to have you fight with the sanseki to decide who's stronger."

"That's barbaric!" I cried in fake horror.

I felt him glare at me and I glared back.

_Well you two get along __**great**__. _Hakuryuu snorted.

_Yeah, __**we**__ should go on a date._ I replied sarcastically.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Taicho~! I cleared your schedule for the rest of the day. So go ahead and take Ayako-chan to the café!"

I blinked and felt a vein in my forehead throb. "Matsu-"

"Have fun~!" Matsumoto said cheerily, cutting me off, and pushing me towards Hozumi. I felt Hozumi's thin arm slide around mine and she began to tow me out of the room. I felt awkward. I wanted to say 'no, I have work' but I thought back to what Kurohime had said about making her cry so I grudgingly went with it. I managed to tell Matsumoto to set up the training grounds for my return even though I knew she'd probably forget.

* * *

"Taicho! It's just up here," Hozumi said cheerily. I didn't reply as she pulled me up the street. I saw other shinigami cast me wary looks as they eyed my captain haori and the blonde hanging off my arm. I pulled my arm away, hoping that might get across some of the message that I wanted nothing to do with this date, but Hozumi didn't seem to notice. I sighed and folded my arms in my sleeves.

I stepped into the café and opened my eyes. My eyes widened and I glanced around the girly café. Pink lace lined the windows and acted as tablecloths as well. I flinched.

"Isn't it cute?" Hozumi asked and clasped her hands together. I could feel my eyebrow twitching and my eyes couldn't stop bugging. They were impossibly wide.

"I-I'm not going in here," I muttered, backing up. People were staring at me oddly. Couples were milling at tables but they all froze when they saw me.

_**I**__ can't go in a place like __**this**__. If anyone saw me here…_

"Doushita, Taicho?" Hozumi asked.

"I'm not going in here," I said flatly. Her face fell as I turned and exited the café. I closed my eyes and turned down the road towards the café I usually went to.

"Taicho?" Hozumi asked, albeit misery. I sighed and turned to her with a frown, my arms still crossed.

"I'm not cruel enough to send you back. We're going to _my_ café," I said bluntly. A small smile crept across her face and she blushed slightly.

"Arigatou, Taicho," she said and I sighed. I began walking again and she hurried to catch up to me, but this time didn't try to hold onto my arm. I lead her through a winding path up to a small teashop and walked inside. I was met with the warm smile of the elderly woman who ran the shop. In a way she reminded me of Grandma in the way that she didn't judge me by my icy demeanor. Her eyes traveled past me to Hozumi who stood uncertainly behind me. She smiled knowingly but said nothing. I walked over to my usual table that was partially hidden. Quietly Hozumi sat down across from me and her big pink eyes scanned the room curiously.

"You come here often?" she asked when I said nothing. I nodded.

"Dozo," said a soft, feathery voice from behind me. The old woman placed two cups in front of us. I welcomed the steaming tea and took a sip. Hozumi wrinkled her nose and stared at the cup.

"You don't like tea?" I asked blandly when she sat, staring at her cup.

"Ano…" she trailed off. I sighed.

"Go ask her what they have," I said and she glanced up.

"Ah, iie, daijoubu," she mumbled.

I took another sip of my tea and let my mind wander.

_Matsumoto had better be doing her paperwork and set up the training field._

"Taicho?"

"Nanda?"

"Do you hate me?"

Startled by the question, I looked up confused. "Why would I hate you?" I asked confused.

"You…seem angry with me," she said softly. I blinked. Wasn't this how I normally treated her?

"Iie."

"Oh."

We fell into silence as I quietly sipped my tea.

_Well this is going __**great**__. _Hyourinmaru commented dryly.

_And hopefully she'll never ask me again._

**(Marionette.)**

I opened the door and stretched my reiatsu into the room. I had _thought_ there was no one in the room but my reiatsu landed on Matsumoto who'd seemingly just returned to the office.

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho?" I asked and she spun around.

"Kami-chan!" she exclaimed.

"Where's Hitsugaya-taicho?" I asked.

"Oh, he's on a date with the sanseki~!" she said and I felt her wink. I snorted.

_I wonder how __**that's**__ going._

_I can only imagine._ Hakuryuu chortled. IThoughts of a super grumpy Hitsugaya flashed through my mind and I couldn't suppress a grin.

"Kami-chan?"

"Oh, nothing," I said, still laughing quietly to myself. "He told me to come here after I got settled in," I added and a look of surprise crossed her face.

"Didn't you _just_ get here?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"And you're settled already?" she asked and it almost sounded like a whine.

"Yeah…" I didn't really understand why it was so strange.

"Waah~! Now I won't have any time to drink!" she pouted.

"I _can_ come back…" I said and started to back up to the door.

"Naah, it's okay. We might as well head over to the training grounds," she said with a sigh.

"Alright…?"

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I felt someone enter the shop but didn't bother to turn and look. I heard a few soft whispers exchanged between the old woman and the customer. Hozumi was talking away, completely unaware that I was completely ignoring her. She was saying something about lace when I heard a crash. I turned, out of habit, to see a purple-haired girl had dropped her teacup and was staring at Hozumi with a look of horror.

"A-ayako?" the girl whispered and I heard Hozumi's sharp intake of breath. I turned, relieved that someone had shown up that would make her shut up.

"Osashiburi jane," Hozumi said in an amused tone.

"You know each other," I commented even though it should've been a question. I rose from my seat.

"Iie. She's no one important," Hozumi said cheerfully.

"Ayako!" The girl cried desperately.

"Nan desu ka, shoujo?" Hozumi asked, somewhat breezily.

"Have you come…to kill her?"

* * *

**le gasp O:**

**Dictionary:**

**mattaku- jeeze**

**suman- sorry**

**doushita- what's wrong**

**arigatou- thank you**

**dozo- please**

**daijoubu- it's alright**

**nanda- what is it**

**osashiburi jane- long time no see**

**nan desu ka, shoujo- what is it, girl?**


	5. Never Forgiven

**Wahh~! Thank you ****yueaifeng!!!!!! :D I'm glad you like it so far!**

**(disclaimer: i dont own bleach)**

* * *

_Never Forgiven._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I stared at the girl before turning to Hozumi. "What is she talking about?" I asked. She squirmed under my harsh gaze. She waved her hands in front of her face nervously.

"Nandemonai!" she said.

"Ayako! Tell me!" the girl demanded.

"Urusei! You're ruining my date," Hozumi snapped and the girl gasped.

"Nani? AH! Gomen nasai, Hitsugaya-taicho!" the girl blurted.

"Iie," I said and took the last sip from my tea. "We're leaving," I said coldly and Hozumi scrambled up from her seat.

"I won't let you hurt her!" the girl said and her soft voice took a surprisingly harsh tone.

"Relaaax," Hozumi sighed and waved her hand dramatically. "I'm _so_ over that," she said breezily and the girl's eyes widened.

_I_ on the other hand, had no time for the daily squabbles in a girl's life. "_Hozumi_," I said coldly and she smiled at me.

"Gomen, Taicho," she said and I sighed.

"Who was that?" I asked when we left the shop.

"Just an old friend. We had a fight a while back," she said and her smile never faltered.

"Sounded more than just a fight," I said and scratched the back of my head. I didn't really care but I didn't want her to carry on where she'd left off on her last topic of lace and frills. I didn't even remember what there was to talk about on such topics but I didn't care to have it repeated.

"We said some nasty things to each other," she said and fell silent for a moment before brightening again. "What was that thing you mentioned that we were doing when we got back?"

"You've got a challenger for sanseki."

**(Marionette.)**

I kicked the dirt impatiently. I was **SO **bored. My reiatsu took in the surrounding field. There wasn't much to it. It was just a wide space with short grass and lots of practice scars.

_Maybe he __**is**__ having fun and that's why he's taking so long._ I thought miserably.

_Jealous?_ Hakuryuu teased.

_Pfft. That's funny. I'm sooo bored._ I whined.

_Well, I feel people coming, so you shouldn't have to wait much longer._ Hakuryuu murmured and I stretched out my reiatsu into a massive ball around me. I felt the wind move and every bug crawling. I could even feel the individual blades of grass. Suddenly, a familiar reiatsu crashed into mine and I froze. I turned to face Hitsugaya and the girl, about my height, when they landed a few feet from me. Matsumoto ran over, squealing, and asked excitedly about how it went. I focused on the girl who seemed to be indifferent to my presence.

"Aya…ko?" I murmured and she glanced over before her eyes widened.

"Kami?!" she asked incredulously. I stiffened and I felt a grin spread across her face.

"You know each other?" Matsumoto asked curiously.

"Osashiburi jane…" I muttered.

"Omoishiroi!" Ayako exclaimed, catching me off-guard.

"N-nani?"

"So Saiko _was_ right!" she said cheerily and I felt my blood freeze.

"What did you do?" I snarled.

"Oi! I've had enough girl drama today," Hitsugaya growled and my focus shifted to him.

"She's your sanseki?" I inquired rudely and he stiffened.

"Don't speak to him like that," Ayako huffed before Hitsugaya could comment. I focused on her. She'd been modified. Her body wasn't anything like I remembered but…her personality…it was exactly the same as before…that time.

"I'm not fighting you," I said coldly and turned to leave.

"It's not an option, Kurohime," Hitsugaya said flatly and I turned to glare at him.

"Didya fall in love with her already?" I sneered. "Ya wouldn't _want_ me ta fight her then, I might kill her."

I felt his reiatsu fill up with rage but Ayako's sudden burst of laughter killed the tension. "You couldn't do it the _first_ time, what makes you think you could _this_ time?" she laughed mockingly.

"I _can't_. That's why I'm _not_ fighting you," I said coldly.

"Baka," she chided, "I'm different from the last time we fought. You couldn't kill me even if you _wanted_ to."

"Ne, what's going on, futaritomo?" Matsumoto whined. Apparently she didn't like to be left out.

"I'm not letting you take away everything from me again!" Ayako growled.

"So you're going to kill me then?" I asked. I had to admit, I'd been expecting this for a long time. It wasn't as if I'd planned on making it this far anyways. But at the same time, I was oddly relieved. Saiko was in a good squad. She was happy. And I was…tired. So very, very tired.

"Iie." My eyes widened.

"Nande?"

"Because I _know_ you're suffering like that. But I've told him not to interfere anymore. This is _my_ fight now," she said, her voice laced with contempt.

I glared at her. "So you still haven't forgiven me for that?" I asked.

"Oh no, I forgive you for trying to kill me. But I _don't _forgive you for not choosing **me**. I thought I meant more to you than that," she sniffed. I didn't trust my voice so I remained silent, watching her closely. "All I have to do is defeat her and nothing changes, right?" Ayako asked and smiled at Hitsugaya. I felt that smile drive straight into my heart. That smile she'd given me so many times.

"Hai," he replied slowly.

"Oh, good. It'll be easy then," she said and her warm smile transformed into a grin. In a flash she launched at me, wielding a speed I couldn't remember her possessing before.

"You made me taste your leftovers before…now you'll taste mine!" she screamed and slammed her sword down. I moved to draw Hakuryuu but suddenly I was seized by a spasm of pain.

_That bastard._

_That's cheep._ Hakuryuu agreed and I managed to just dodge her sword. I felt her power crush the earth where it hit and I frowned. This was new power as well.

"Your body isn't meant to surpass anything, Kami. No matter what you do, I **will** win."

I was content to let her win. If it meant that I'd no longer be in her way, then I was willing to accept death gracefully. I studied her reiatsu. It was controlled, stable, and _sane_. Unlike the last time I'd fought her…no…that was a lie. The last time I hadn't been fighting _Ayako_. It'd been someone completely different.

_

* * *

_

_My eyes flickered wildly between the two. The rain poured down relentlessly. I watched as the water slowly cleaned the blood off Ayako's blade. She grinned and licked the last of the crimson liquid off the blade and I recoiled in disgust. I glanced to Saiko and I struggled to see if she was crying or if it was just the rain._

"_Kami," Ayako sang and I looked to her suspiciously, "you're on my side, ne?"_

"_-"_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I watched as Kurohime reached for her sword but something caused her to stop. Her eyes widened and she looked…almost in pain. A second later Hozumi's sword was crashing down on her and she dodged out of the way, a deep look of concentration in her eyes. But she seemed indifferent to the idea of Hozumi attacking her.

"Your body isn't meant to surpass anything, Kami. No matter what you do, I **will** win."

My gaze shifted to Hozumi and I frowned.

_What did she mean by that?_ I wondered.

"…Taicho?"

I glanced to Matsumoto. "What is it?" I asked and my eyes returned to the fight.

"Is it…okay to let them do this?" she asked.

"Why?"

"I have a feeling…Kami might let herself get hurt," Matsumoto said softly and I focused on her. She'd stopped moving and Hozumi was swinging her sword. It was aimed at her neck, I realized, and she wasn't moving.

"KAMI!" A voice shrieked and it startled Kurohime. At the last moment her hand shot up and grabbed the blade. It dug into her hand and blood began to leak out but she didn't seem to notice. Hozumi didn't seem to realize that Kurohime had stopped her blade with one hand, either. Both girls had frozen in the spot when they turned to face the owner of the voice.

_It's that girl from before._ I realized.

"Get out of here, Saiko," Kurohime growled.

"I'm not letting you get yourself killed!" the girl, Saiko screamed and Kurohime seemed to grow tired, all of a sudden.

"I'm exhausted," I heard Kurohime admit softly. Hozumi seemed to realize that her sword was still in Kurohime's grasp and she jumped back with a frown.

"So you're going to kill yourself?" Saiko sobbed, tears streaming down her face. I was getting _really_ irritated by this.

"Oi!" I yelled. "Kurohime, FIGHT BACK," I called but she ignored me and turned to face Hozumi instead. She spread her arms.

"Are you gonna do it?" she asked boredly and a twisted grin overtook Hozumi's face.

"Himei, AKAIKAZE!" (Scream, Red Wind) Hozumi screamed and the wind suddenly picked up. It buffeted her hair and partially hid the deranged grin on her face. I realized, with dread, that she really did mean to kill Kurohime, and Kurohime was willing to allow it.

I leapt forward just as Hozumi did. Kurohime fell to her knees and sat, disturbingly patient. Hozumi moved to slash the bowed girl and I yelled out and even I couldn't hear my own words as they were stolen by the wind.

And suddenly everything stopped. Like time had frozen, Hozumi had stopped moving. My eyes widened as I saw Saiko crouched, her back to Hozumi, and her arms wrapped around Kurohime's shoulders.

"G-gomen nasai. All I've ever done was cause you trouble when you didn't deserve it. Maybe…if I had been as self-sacrificing as you are, I wouldn't have asked you to do such a terrible thing. Maybe…you wouldn't be like this. H-hontou ni, gomen na-" Saiko's words were cut off abruptly and the slap rang out through the silence.

"Baka," Kurohime growled, "didn't I tell you not to try and make me regret anything?!" Her voice rose to a shriek before falling to a scarily, calm tone. "I didn't make any mistakes that night," she said and I saw her eyes close.

There was a scream, so loud, so furious, and so abrupt. I flinched and looked to Hozumi as the winds picked up again. "I'll kill **both** of you!" Hozumi screamed. Her reiatsu was out of control and for a split second I saw anger flare in Kurohime's eyes. I saw her mouth move but her words escaped me.

"Matsumoto!" I called. I knew she didn't hear me but recognized the look on my face.

_This has gotten out of control._

**(Marionette.)**

"Ningyo wo sakuseishite, Hakuryuu." (The doll is made, White Dragon) As the words left my mouth I drew Hakuryuu from the sheath on my back. I felt the entire sword turn to dust in my hand before curling around all my fingers in thin strands. I pushed Saiko out of the way and focused all of my reiatsu on Ayako. I saw the familiar pattern of her steps, the sway of her hips, and the position of her sword. I knew it all, even after all this time. I picked my opening carefully and slammed my palm into Ayako's stomach. She lurched to a stop and I jumped away. The wind died instantly and I tugged a finger and her shikai dissolved. With another slight movement, she dropped her sword and all the while her infuriated eyes were trained on me.

"Kill me and I will allow it. However," I said coldly, "I will _not_ allow you to kill Saiko."

"Kurohime!"

"Kami-chan!"

Both were called in unison and I didn't know whether to look to Hitsugaya or to Matsumoto.

My fingers moved fluently and I forced Ayako to pick up her sword and press it to her own neck. A wave of pain washed over me, originating from my stomach. I fought to ignore it but it continued to blossom and I felt as if my stomach was ripping itself apart. "I don't have to kill her, right?" I asked as I clutched my stomach. In my ears my voice sound pitifully ragged.

"Don't be stupid," Hitsugaya growled.

"Yokatta, I don't think I could do it again…"

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I watched as Kurohime's zanpakutou reappeared in her hand, much like Matsumoto's Haineko. When suddenly freed of the unknown technique, Hozumi lunged forward but Matsumoto grabbed her and held her back.

Kurohime coughed suddenly. Her face twisted up and she looked to be in pain. "Are you alright?" I called. She began coughing again, harshly and with one step of shunpo, I appeared at her side. My eyes widened when I saw her hand. It was covered in blood. She coughed again and the blood was too much to be covered by her hand. It sprayed through her fingers slightly and trickled down her wrist.

"Matsumoto! I'm taking her to yon-bantai!" I yelled.

"KAMI!" Saiko shrieked, panic filling her eyes. I turned back and my eyes widened as Kurohime fell towards me. An arm instinctively went around her waist and the other went around her shoulders. I felt her face bury into my chest before she had another coughing fit. I felt warm blood splatter my neck and I knew it'd gone all over my clothes. She bowed her head, curling up for some sort of relief and I heard her barely audible words before she went limp in my arms.

"Suman. I got blood on your clothes."

* * *

**Sooo? Like it? **

**Dictionary:**

**nandemonai- its nothing**

**gomen- i'm sorry**

**gomen nasai- I'm really sorry**

**omoishiroi- how interesting**

**futaritomo- you two**

**nande- why**

**hontou ni gomen nasai (what Saiko was _going_ to say)- Really, I'm so sorry.**


	6. Memories of Rain

**Heey~! **

**I don't own bleach D:**

**

* * *

**

**Memories of Rain**

_I looked up at the sky, a grin spreading across my face. Dark clouds were rolling in with the promise of heavy rainfall. Perfect for dancing in. I began to run, eager to get home so that I could drag Ayako and Saiko out with me. Maybe Dairen too. My face fell into a grimace. No. He __**wasn't**__allowed to join us. Ever. But I had no doubt that both Saiko and Ayako would want him to join. I __**hated**__ him. Things were so much better before he came. It was just the four of us, Ayako, Saiko, Ayako's dad and I. Ayako had been one of the lucky ones to find her family. But Saiko and I rarely saw him. He was always in the basement, his __**lab**__; he called it, tinkering away. But it didn't bother me. I didn't really know him to begin with. But then __**Dairen**__ showed up. I felt a stab of jealousy. Saiko and Ayako were both madly in love with him and now I was ignored most of the time. It was okay when Saiko had found out Ayako's feelings and backed off, just as I figured she would, but then it became painstakingly obvious that Dairen liked Saiko and she couldn't help but flirt back. Of course Ayako wasn't going to let them be together so she flirted and threw all her attention to him, which he lavished in. And I was ignored. Saiko did her best to pay attention to me, but __**he**__ would always find an excuse to steal her away._

_I slowed to a walk._

_**Forget them.**__ I thought angrily._

_**Acting childish again?**__ Hakuryuu sighed. I glared at the ground._

_**No. If they don't want to hang out with me, I'm not going to beg for it.**__ I thought irritably. They didn't even want to become shinigami anymore. It disgusted me. I had been the first one to communicate with Hakuryuu and soon found out that both of them had been having dreams. I wanted to become a shinigami from the very start but Saiko was afraid. She didn't want to fight. She was content with our lives. I had to admit we had it well off. We lived in Eastern Rukongai, fifth district. It was nice, clean, but there wasn't a single interesting thing to name. Convincing Ayako had been easy. We were __**so**__ close to changing Saiko's mind when Dairen showed up all lost, alone, caught in the rain…pathetic. At first I'd welcomed him in. It didn't matter. We'd be off the shinigami academy anyways. But then __**Ayako**__ developed a crush on him and changed her mind. 'It's a comfortable life' she'd said. I scoffed at the very thought._

_**Comfortable my **_ass_**.**_

_By the time I reached the house I was grumpy and it'd begun raining. I couldn't even enjoy it through my cloud of anger. I threw open the front door and stomped inside._

"_Tadaima," I muttered to no one._

_**What, they don't even come to welcome me home anymore?**__ I thought angrily._

_**Kami!**__ I felt Hakuryuu's sudden fear and I pulled her from the sheath on my hip. _

_**What is it?**_

_**I hear Agehachou crying. **__I felt my heart speed up._

_**Where's Akaikaze?**_

_**I'm not sure. **__I kicked of my shoes. Rain began to beat down on the roof. I could barely hear the sound of my shoes hitting the floor._

"_SAIKO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs trying to be louder than the rain. I suddenly felt reiatsu flutter. It was Saiko's. I ran through the house, stumbling and tripping over discarded things that Ayako and I had tossed around in our laziness. I cursed it under my breath as I stubbed my toe on a stack of books. __**That**__ was at least the neat-freak Saiko's fault. I shook my head. I couldn't be thinking of things like that now. I burst into the last room in the house and recoiled at the smell. Blood splattered around the room and as it began to dry the pungent smell had become a stench. _

_Even through the pounding of rain, I could hear her sobs. I saw her curled in the corner, her knees brought up to her chest, and her face buried in her arms._

_Dairen's corpse lay in the middle of the room, blocking Saiko's path for escape._

"_It was just a kiss," she sobbed, "I didn't even get a chance to know what he was doing."_

_I struggled against the smell. I willed my frozen body to go over and comfort Saiko, but my eyes just wouldn't tear away from the mangled body. I only knew one force that could do something like that…Akaikaze._

_**No. He must have done something to provoke it. It **_couldn't_** just have been that he kissed Saiko.**__ I thought firmly. Ayako wasn't __**that**__ much of an airhead. But even still. Saiko looked like she'd been sitting in those blood-spattered clothes for a while. Finally my foot inched towards her and that was all I needed. I slowly picked my way around the body, ignoring the chunks of flesh that'd been stripped from the bone. The look on his face made my stomach lurch. I turned and vomited. I couldn't keep it down. It was worse that any other part of his body and his mouth had gotten the worst of it. _

_The acid smell must've caused Saiko to notice me then, because she looked up. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and there were speckles of blood on her cheeks. The rain had dulled slightly and I heard the disgusting sound of my spew hitting the floor._

"_Kami?" she whispered hoarsely._

"_What the __**fuck**__ happened?" I gasped, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. The inside of my mouth tasted vile but I forced the thought from my mind and faced Saiko. As soon as I knelt beside her she flung her arms around my neck and began to sob into my shoulder._

"…_A-ayako…walked-on us-…she was angry…started screaming- killed-" I could barely make out the sentence but the few words I caught made my eyes widen and my heart flutter._

"…_Ayako…killed him?" I whispered, not believing I had heard right. She nodded but her hiccupping prevented her from speaking._

"_Where did she go?" I asked calmly._

"_She's on the roof," Saiko choked and my face jerked upwards. In one swift movement I swept Saiko up, bridal style. I was shorter than her; actually, I was the shortest of the three of us. I never inched past 5"4 and Ayako and Saiko rivaled each other for tallest at 5"6 but it didn't matter. My physical strength was enough to make up for the height difference and I carried her out the back door._

_Through the veil of rain, I could see a silhouette on the roof. I could feel Ayako's reiatsu and I figured I must've been too angry to notice her on my way in. It wouldn't have been unusual, though, we all liked to sit on the roof, save Dairen._

"_Ayako!" I screamed above the rain and jumped onto the roof, carrying Saiko with me. The rain plastered my hair to my face and I could barely see as rain streamed into my eyes and blurred my vision. She turned to face me and I saw the last bits of blood being washed off her blade. My eyes widened and I hugged Saiko closer, who'd begun to tremble in the cold rain. Ayako's reiatsu was out of control and her eyes shone with her madness._

"_What the hell happened?" I cried. Her face twisted up with pain and her eyes looked at me pleadingly._

"_I gave him __**everything**__!" she screamed._

"_Yeah, but-"_

"_**EVERYTHING**__!!!!" She shrieked, her eyes turning angry. "I gave him my __**entire everything**__ and he chose __**her**__! What was I supposed to do?!" she sobbed and I couldn't tell if it was tears or rain pouring down her cheeks._

"_You should've waited for me!" I shouted angrily. How could she have been so __**stupid**__?_

_She slashed her arm in front of her angrily and instinctively I stepped back. Her reiatsu lashed out again, uncontrolled. I searched Ayako's eyes for any hint of sanity but a malicious look shone instead. Her lips twisted into a pout. "You understand? Don't you Kami?" she asked pleadingly and I shook my head._

"_I don't! I really don't understand!" I cried desperately._

_**Please Ayako! Come back to us!**_

_Her face twisted into a look of anger when Saiko pushed away from me, stumbling to stand across from Ayako._

"_I would've given up. I would've let you __**have**__ him!" Saiko wailed_

"_You didn't love him! You didn't __**deserve**__ him," Ayako screeched and Saiko cringed._

"_Guys! Stop it!" I called but I was ignored._

"_Whose side are you on?" Ayako snarled and a look of hideous rage took over her lovely features. I flinched. Side? What side? Since when were there __**sides**__?!_

"_I-I'm not on __**anyone's**__ side!" I called desperately._

"_Good, then don't protect her when I kill her!" Ayako said as a contorted grin took control of her lips._

"_Kami, I can't fight her!" I heard Saiko beg desperately. I knew what she wanted. She wanted __**me**__ to fight __**for**__ her. But I couldn't. I couldn't hurt Ayako just as I couldn't hurt Saiko. But as Ayako ran towards Saiko who was frozen to the spot, her delicate body curled in fear, and her normally warm brown eyes shut tightly against her former friend, I couldn't stop myself from running forward. I met Ayako in the middle. I'd only meant to block her sword, keep it from touching Saiko, but Ayako had switched her position last minute, trying to throw me off-guard. But instead of confusing me, it'd caused a jerk-reaction and my wrist flicked. It was an awful sound that followed as my blade lodged into her stomach. She gurgled and her disbelieving eyes met mine as she slipped to her knees. She was crying, and I realized, so was I. My tears dripped onto her cheeks and mingled with the rain that washed away her tears. She opened her mouth to speak but blood gurgled out instead. My eyes widened further._

"_A-ayako," I whispered and pulled my sword back. She cried out in pain and fell forward. I caught her and held her tightly. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed, "I'm sorry, I only meant to block you! I'm so sorry," I blubbered, repeating it over and over. I heard Saiko fall to her knees behind me and begin to wail uncontrollably._

_**What have I done?**_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"This way," Nemu said hastily. For some unknown reason, Saiko had become hysterical when I told her I was taking Kami-I mean- Kurohime to Fourth Division. 'No!' she'd said, 'we have to take her to Kurotsuchi-taicho!'

She'd become so desperate as her fingers curled into my clothes and she attempted to pull me in the direction of the Twelfth Division that I reluctantly followed her. Nemu-fukutaicho had been waiting for us at the gate. I didn't have time to wonder if she'd already known of our approach and followed her, wordlessly, inside.

She led us hastily through the building, towards the captain's quarters.

"Mattaku, what has that stupid child done now?" I cringed when I heard Kurotsuchi's voice. I'd never admit it aloud but that man had always given me the creeps.

"I-I don't know what h-happened," Saiko cried and fresh tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Shut up, I don't need your incessant wailing at this hour," Kurotsuchi said and appeared before us. He wrenched Kurohime's limp body from my arms and clucked.

"Whom did you have her fight with?" he asked me rudely. I glared.

"Hozumi Ayako," I replied grudgingly.

His eyes widened. "Omoishiroi," he purred and his eyes studied her lifeless form. A bloodstain had started to bloom in her abdomen, just before we left, but I didn't know what it was from. She hadn't been hit as far as I could tell and I didn't know where this wound was coming from.

"Please do something!" Saiko begged.

"Enough, I said!" Kurotsuchi ordered angrily and raised his hand to slap her. Tiny doll hands gently wrapped around his and his eyes widened as he was prevented from his assault. Kami--Kurohime's eyes were half opened as she pulled Kurotsuchi's hand and pressed it gently to her cheek. His eyes narrowed but his eyes flickered with excitement. "Oh? You're still conscious?" he mused.

"How...could I not be?" she whispered haggardly. I didn't understand what she meant but Kurotsuchi seemed to and his cold gaze turned to Saiko.

"Get your reiatsu under control you stupid child, you're disturbing Kami," he sniffed and turned back to his room. I blinked. Suddenly Saiko's reiatsu, tightened into perfect control. I hadn't even noticed it's hysterical state.

"Nemu, you imbecile, prepare the surgical equipment," he ordered harshly and my eyes widened.

"O-oi! Matte! Only the yon-bantai can perform surgeries!" I yelled and he eyed me irritably.

"Explain the situation to the _taicho_, before he reports me to Central 46," Kurotsuchi said breezily and disappeared, the doors closing behind him. My composure faltered. Had he just _directly_ committed a crime in front of me? It'd been deemed inhumane to perform surgeries for research and had been outlawed. Only the Fourth Squad was legally allowed to perform surgeries.

"Please don't report Kurotsuchi-tachio," Saiko begged softly, "only he can help with Kami's…condition."

"Regardless of her 'condition' I **can't** allow this! He's not _allowed_ to perform surgery on humans," I said, angry that she hadn't allowed me to take Kami-er-Kurohime to the Fourth emergency room.

"Demo…" she trailed off, her eyes shifty.

"But, what?!"

"She's _not_ human..."

* * *

**O:**

**Dictionary:**

**tadaima- I'm home**

**Agehachou- Swallowtail Butterfly**

**Matte- wait**


	7. The Puppet Girl

**Yo! ...do I _really_ have to tell you that I don't own bleach? :\**

_The Puppet Girl_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"What do you mean she's not human?" I asked. Saiko shuffled under my gaze. She opened her mouth several times but said nothing, like she'd lost all her words. I waited impatiently while glaring at her.

"She's a puppet," she said finally and slowly.

"What?" I asked angrily.

_Is this some kind of joke?_

"It's true!" Saiko cried. "And it's all my fault!"

"It's impossible," I growled.

"No! It's true. Her soul was enclosed within a wooden body, like a gigai, and her reiryoku is connected to several points in her 'body'…like strings…that's why I said that the yon-bantai wouldn't be able to help her…she's been going to Kurotsuchi-taicho for a while now…he wanted to try and transfer her into a body like Ayako's but-"

My eyes widened. "What do you mean _like Ayako's_?" I growled.

Her eyes widened when she realized what she'd said. Her head bowed. "That's not Ayako's original body either…" she said softly and my eyes narrowed.

"Tell me," I ordered.

"Please, I think Kami would rather tell you the story herself," she begged and I hesitated, "it's all my fault. Kami almost killed Ayako because of me but even still…" she buried her face in her hands and began to cry softly. "E-even still, she still cares about me. S-she still protects me a-and I-I'm never strong enough to protect her! Ayako should be mad at **me**! Not Kami!"

I looked towards the door that Kurotsuchi had taken Kami—Kuro—oh forget it— into. I folded my arms and looked back to Saiko. "What's your name?" I asked quietly.

She glanced up and I saw tears staining her cheeks. "A-awashita Saiko."

I nodded. I studied Awashita's trembling form. "You should sit down," I said. She nodded but didn't make a move to sit. "I'm going to go back to the office and sort things out with Hozumi. I'll be back," I explained firmly. She nodded without looking at me and I sighed. I stole one last glance towards the doors before I left.

* * *

"W-why does she always choose S-saiko over me?!" I heard Hozumi shriek from my office.

"Maybe you just never give her a chance," I heard Matsumoto murmur gently.

"I **always** give her a choice! Me or Saiko and it's _always_ Saiko!" Hozumi growled angrily. I sighed and walked into my office.

"She knows you'll fight but Awashita won't. She knows you're capable of hurting Awashita but Awashita would rather run before fighting. You're not _giving_ her the choice. You're _forcing_ her to make a choice," I said shortly. Her eyes widened when she saw me. As she listened to my words, tears filled her eyes.

"T-taicho," she whispered, almost pleadingly.

"Matsumoto, help her move her stuff to the yonseki room," I said.

"H-hai," Matsumoto said and helped Hozumi off the couch.

"T-taicho, please! Let me have another chance!" she begged and attempted to move to me but Matsumoto wrapped her arms around Hozumi gently.

"There'll be many more chances to fight Kami, simply because she _didn't_ want to kill you," I said, hoping that my words would have the impact I was looking for. They had impact, all right, just not the type I wanted. Her eyes widened.

"Nan…dato?" she whispered. I looked to her irritably I opened my mouth to repeat what I said but I noticed that Matsumoto's eyes had widened as well.

"What?" I growled.

"You…just…-"

"Called Kami-chan by her first name," Matsumoto finished and my eyes widened slightly.

"No I didn't. Now leave immediately, I needed to make sure things were in order here. I have to go back before Kami gets out of her surgery," I said and closed my eyes. I heard a choked sob.

"You said it again," Hozumi wailed, "you _never_ call **me** by my first name! I haven't even heard you call **Matsumoto-chan** by her first name!"

I cursed under my breath. I hadn't meant to say it.

"I thought you were on **my** side, Taicho!" Hozumi sobbed and strained against Matsumoto's grip.

"THERE AREN'T ANY SIDES!" I roared. I was thoroughly tired of this entire issue. Hozumi flinched. "When will you figure it out, that your friends haven't actually turned against you?" I growled, "and that the only reason they're _fighting_ you is because **you're** the only one who thinks there's sides! They're _both_ on your side and you're choosing to ignore it."

Hozumi fell silent and became limp in Matsumoto's arms.

"Now **get out**," I growled.

"Hai, Taicho," Matsumoto whispered and carried Hozumi out of the room. I rubbed my temples. This was more than I'd _ever_ asked for.

**(Marionette.)**

My eyes fluttered open when I heard Kurotsuchi muttering to himself.

"Oh, you're awake?" He asked and leaned over me. I blinked and my eyes bugged as I felt an odd contraption covering the majority of his face.

"WHAT. THE. HELL?!"

He lifted it and stared at me oddly. "What?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "What the heck _is_ that thing?" I asked. He frowned, offended by my lack of enthusiasm.

"It allows me to see reiryoku in a person. I was making sure you were connected properly," he explained briefly.

"…connected?" I sat up, suddenly remembering what'd happened. I focused all my reiatsu on myself, going through a scan of body. "So close…" I mumbled. I really would've been so much happier dead. I sighed wearily.

_Life goes on, I suppose, even when you don't want it to._

"Stupid child," he muttered and leaned back in his chair and swiveled to face the large machine behind the table I'd been lying on. "Even _thinking_ about letting yourself die is preposterous. And extremely **rude**," he chastised and I bowed my head.

"Gomen nasai," I mumbled.

"Urusei," he snapped, "it doesn't matter. I've gained another piece of his location from his assault anyways."

"But I-"

"I will have none of your insolence. I will find him sooner or later and recover your real body," Kurotsuchi said firmly.

"Why?" I asked meekly. I'd asked this question before. There were a thousand reasons I could think of for him _wanting_ me to stay in my current condition but I could think of no reasons as to why he wanted to transfer me into my _old_ body.

He huffed but said nothing. "You're free to leave," he mumbled and became engrossed in whatever was happening with the machine. He called it a computer but I had no idea what he was always watching. I could _feel_ things moving **inside** the computer but there was nothing to be felt on the 'screen' except for intangible moving energy. I sighed and walked over to his side and bowed deeply.

"Arigatou gozaimasu," I murmured. I felt him ruffle my hair distractedly and I smiled weakly. When I felt his hand withdraw I straightened and walked towards the doors. The light change was instantaneous and I squinted.

"You're awake?" The voice surprised me and I jumped. I stretched my reiatsu out and confirmed the voice as Hitsugaya. I frowned.

"You're still here?" I asked hotly.

"Awashita told me what you are," he said bluntly and I tensed. She'd _what_?!

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said hastily. I could feel Saiko slumped in a corner where she'd fallen asleep.

"You're a puppet?" he persisted and I sighed.

"It's not something I like to talk about," I growled, hoping he'd get the idea.

"She also told me that Ayako's not in her original body either," he said softly and I froze. Slowly I regained my composure and took a deep breath. I turned to face him, I knew my eyes weren't on him but neither of us cared.

"Then that's all you need to know. How it happened is none of your concern," I said sharply and crouched beside Saiko's unmoving form.

"When you're in _my_ squad, I need to be able to protect you, as your **captain**. If you're getting wounds without getting hit, then I need to know why," he said irritably and I sighed.

"If you just leave me _alone_ then everything will be fine. Give Ayako her spot as sanseki, leave me in yonseki and everything will be fine," I said wearily.

"That's not a good enough answer, Kami," he said sternly and I felt a look of confusion take over my face as I turned back to his direction slowly.

_Wait…did he just…?_

_Yup, he did! _Hakuryuu giggled.

"What?" he asked hotly.

"Did you…just call me by my _first_ name?" I asked incredulously. I felt his reiatsu tighten with embarrassment and through my reiatsu I felt him turn his face away from me and his cheeks had a warm feeling.

"No," he mumbled. A grin spread across my face and I straightened with my hand on my hip.

"You **did**!"

"No."

"Hakuryuu heard it too! And your reiatsu's all embarrassed!"

"Urusei," he snapped and I couldn't help it as a giggle slipped past my lips. I felt his eyes widen and he looked at me surprised. I gasped when I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and I slid to the ground beside Saiko.

"Kuso," I growled under my breath, "I just can't catch a break with you, can I?"

"What's wrong?" Hitsugaya asked and his voice tensed with worry.

"Nan…demonai," I murmured and rose shakily to my feet. It felt like someone had shoved a dagger into my shoulder, just by my collarbone and was twisting it slowly. I bit back the pain and felt something warm trickle down my chin.

"Baka! You bit your lip," Hitsugaya scolded and he appeared in front of me. Using his sleeve he wiped it away. I stared at him in shock before I smiled sadly.

"I just keep getting blood on you, don't I?" I asked dryly and he grunted. Slowly I relaxed as the pain faded and I managed to regulate my breathing.

"Awashita," Hitsugaya muttered when he was certain I was fine. She didn't respond and he crouched down beside her to shake her shoulder. She didn't even budge. He shook her shoulder again but there was no response. I smiled when his brow furrowed in confusion.

"You're doing it wrong," I said gently and crouched in front of her. Gently I blew air into her face. She twitched and her face scrunched up. She didn't like the feeling and she opened her eyes angrily. But as soon as she saw me her eyes brimmed with tears and she threw her arms around my neck. I sighed and rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm sorry," she repeated over and over..and over..and over…

"Okay, shut up now," I grumbled and she managed a broken giggle. "Go back before Kuchiki-taicho attacks you and throws you out of roku-bantai."

"I'll send a notice that she was doing some work for me," I heard Hitsugaya mutter and I looked at him, my mouth agape.

"Seriously?" I asked and I knew that Saiko's mouth was open just as much as mine was.

"No, I'm lying…baka," he said sarcastically.

I frowned and made a face. In one unseen movement I was suddenly hoisted up in the air. I yelped and wrapped my arms around the first sturdy thing…which happened to be his neck. He grunted and I felt embarrassment fill his reiatsu. "Get back to your Division, Awashita-san," he said firmly and I felt him use shunpo. I wasn't prepared and suddenly I couldn't see anything. Instinctively my grip on him tightened and I heard him chuckle hoarsely. "I'm not going to drop you," he sighed.

"I can walk," I protested.

"You need to rest," he argued.

"You shouldn't have left Saiko like that," I muttered feeling guilty that she'd waited for me that entire time just to be swept off by Hitsugaya.

"Are you trying to pick a fight with _everything_?" He grumbled and I softened, realizing he was only trying to help.

"Warui…arigatou, _Toushirou_," I whispered.

"Toushirou ja nai. _Hitsugaya-taicho_ da," he growled and I chuckled weakly. (It's not Toushirou. It's Hitsugaya-taicho)

"You call me by _my_ first name, I call _you_ by _your_ first name," I said and yawned. I didn't want to admit it, _especially_ after I'd just made a fuss, but I _was_ tired. I couldn't stop my eyes from fluttering and eventually sleep began to take over. Hitsugaya…no…_Toushirou_'s words were the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

"I won't let you be hurt anymore…_Kami_."

* * *

**Dictionary:**

**warui- m'bad**


	8. The Meaning of Friendship

**Yay new chapter~! Please let me know how you think it's going!**

**I don't own bleach**

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_The Meaning of Friendship._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Matsumoto was waiting in the office when I fumbled with the door. I didn't want to wake Kami who'd fallen asleep.

"How's Kami-chan doing?" Matsumoto asked anxiously.

"She's asleep," I replied softly, "but she'll live."

"Yokatta," she breathed.

"Did you move Kami's stuff into the sanseki room?" I asked and she nodded. She turned to the doorway on the left side of the office that led to the dorms. It was where the sanseki room was and other seated shinigami rooms before it branched off to accommodate the unseated shinigami. The doorway to Matsumoto's and my rooms were on the right.

"Get the door, Matsumoto," I ordered softly so I wouldn't have to make any unnecessary movements. Kami's room was in a more secluded area, next door to the Fourth Seat room.

"Do you think it'll be okay?" Matsumoto asked.

"I think they're both too tired to do anything. Besides, their reiatsu'll alert _someone_ if something happens," I muttered and Matsumoto opened the door for me. Gently I sat with Kami on the edge of the bed and pulled her zanpakutou from it's sheath. It glinted and I was surprised to find it was almost as heavy as Hyourinmaru.

"…_omae…"_ the voice caught me off-guard and I jumped.

"Taicho?"

I hesitated and strained to listen but there was nothing except for Kami's light breathing.

_I must've imagined it._ I thought wearily and set it on the bed. Hoisting her up I turned and gently laid her beside her sword.

"Should I change her?" Matsumoto asked softly. For a moment I let my gaze slide down her form and I sighed.

"_She's not human…she's a puppet…__enclosed within a wooden body.__"_

Awashita's words rang through my mind in her slow and regretful voice.

"Leave her be, I don't want her to wake up." I stared at her for a moment. She hadn't asked for anything since I'd met her. When Hozumi had attacked her, she hadn't asked for forgiveness. When Awashita asked for help, she didn't ask Awashita to consider how _she_ felt about attacking a friend. When she'd started bleeding she didn't beg for me to save her life, she'd apologized for _bleeding_ on me. For fucking **bleeding** on my clothes. She'd said that she was fine to walk by herself after _surgery_. I sighed. In _one_ day she'd already managed to make me worry more than I had in several years. What a strange girl.

* * *

It felt like it'd only been a few minutes before the door to my bedroom flew open and I jerked awake.

"Taicho!" Matsumoto's alarmed voice made my pulse quicken.

"What's going on?" I asked and threw a kosode over my shoulders. I grabbed Hyourinmaru by the hilt and left it unsheathed as I followed Matsumoto down the hall.

"Ayako-chan's trying to attack Kami-chan!"

"Nani?" I threw open the door to my office and the shinigami flinched.

"Why wasn't I notified immediately?" I growled.

"I'm very sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho, but the direct path to the office was cut off. I had to go around," he mumbled and bowed deeply.

_Cut off…?_ He stumbled out of my way as I ran past him and opened the door. My forearm shielded my eyes as wind exploded through the doorframe. It was sharp and lashed out heavily and relentlessly.

_Hozumi's shikai!_ I pushed into the wind and my kosode billowed out, exposing my naked chest to the cold air. It didn't bother me and I managed to push onwards, though the wind only got stronger, towards the hallway that led to the Third and Fourth seat rooms. Getting frustrated I unleashed a massive amount of reiatsu and the wind was pushed back.

"KAMI!" Hozumi screamed as I rounded the corner. Tears had long since dried up but I could clearly make out the stains on her cheeks. Her body moved jerkily and she seemed to be restraining herself. My eyes widened and I lurched forward as I saw her hand, shakily, release a candle. It tumbled through the air.

"KAMI WAKE UP!" Hozumi screamed and I made it to Hozumi just in time to throw myself in front of her and block her from the explosion. I wrapped my arms around her as the force sent us into the wall and I heard her gasp at impact. I turned towards the blazing door, my eyes wide, and I heard Awashita's voice in my mind again as I watched the quickly spreading fire.

"_She's not human…she's a __**puppet**__…__enclosed within a __**wooden**__ body.__"_

**(Marionette.)**

_KAMI WAKE UP!_

"KAMI WAKE UP!"

Although both were screamed in unison, they still held their desired affect. I groaned and turned slightly in my sleep. It was so hot. I scowled. I hated the heat.

_KAMI!_ Hakuryuu's voice caused me to sit up in my bed, my eyes wide.

_There's fire!_ I felt a rush of panic swell in my chest and I groped blindly, trying to find Hakuryuu's hilt. When I felt it I grabbed her and held her close. Gingerly I spread my reiatsu out and my insides churned with horror. It was _everywhere_. I could felt it blazing at my sides, hungrily eating up the hardwood and aching to devour my bed, with **me** on top. Broken thoughts clumsily moved around my head but they never fit into one comprehendible form.

_Kami we __**have**__ to get out of here!_ I barely heard Hakuryuu through the fuzziness of my mind. Through my haze, I was vaguely aware of my body's last attempt as self-preservation, my fingers slammed into the space between the six and seventh rib, cracking the slim vial behind it. A rush of coldness rolled over me as the chemicals spread through my body and coated my wooden bones. I curled up and brought my reiatsu into myself, focusing all my attention on my body. I whimpered when I felt the fire lick greedily at my feet, slowly melting away the faux skin before creeping up my ankle to my calf. I could feel the skin on my elbows melting off and the pain tore into every nerve that'd been embedded underneath. I convulsed and felt the pain twist into uncontrollable nausea. I fought down the vomit that rose in my throat.

_Kami… _Hakuryuu's voice was going faint and I knew that Kurotsuchi's chemicals would only last for so long. I curled my aching body closer and resigned to let the flames burn my pants slowly. The back of my kosode curled as the fire burned it before exposing my back to the fire. It ate that too. It covered me in possessive kisses and I cried silently.

_I knew you couldn't protect me..Toushirou. Why did I ever let myself hope that I could let someone else help me? I don't deserve it and it can't be done._ Left alone to my self-pity I despised myself for even _thinking_ there would be a chance of hope that Toushirou could save me from this hell I'd created for myself. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. The fire had pushed me to the edge of my frustration. I couldn't take it anymore. I'd only tried to help. I'd only tried to protect everyone and then I realized my mistake. I _couldn't_ protect everyone and I was so utterly _sick_ of trying to. My scream of anger, pain, and frustration wasn't ignored. I heard something crash through the crackling wood in response.

It took me a moment to register what'd actually happened. I stretched my reiatsu out, shying away from the fire that still lapped at the skin on my thighs. I could just make out the form of a dragon through the chaos of feelings and vibrations. The first dragon was followed by another that tore through the door and enveloped me delicately in it's icy jaws and the fire died instantly on my skin. My eyes widened and I felt tears slide down my ashy cheeks.

"KAMI!" Toushirou yelled from the other side of the room. "Kami! Answer if you can hear me!" Toushirou ordered and a distorted laugh slipped past my lips.

"Toushirou!" I called back hoarsely. There was a sudden crack and my reiatsu shot to that point, trying to find the source. It was the ceiling. It moaned and I felt my limbs lock together.

_I…I—can't move!_

A loud crack rang through the thick air and I took in my last breath, nearly choking on the ash and smoke, before I screamed as loud as I could.

"TOUSHIROU!"

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"TOUSHIROU!"

My heart stopped momentarily at the desperation in her voice. It was cracked and raw from the smoke and my body moved before I'd even processed what'd happened.

* * *

_"Oi, Hitsugaya-taicho," a voice called from behind me. I turned slightly and a look of surprise crossed my face._

"_Ikkaku-san?" Matsumoto asked surprised._

"_Nanda?" I asked coldly and he frowned. He seemed like he was having trouble putting what he wanted to say into words. _

"_You're taking her into the ju-bantai, right?" he asked finally. I nodded but said nothing. "I have a request," he said and I raised an eyebrow slightly._

"_A request?" I repeated and he nodded. "What is it?" I asked and he sighed. He glanced over his shoulder to the building behind him and his eyes narrowed slightly._

"_She never asks for anything," I heard him grumble irritably before turning to me. "Please give her anything she asks for," he said before turning on his heel and disappearing back to the building._

"_That was odd," Matsumoto said and touched her finger to her chin._

_"Whatever. I have paperwork to do," I sighed. I would decode what he meant later._

* * *

If this was the only thing she'd ask for then I'd give it to her. The ice shattered and I launched forward. My arms caught around her waist and I pushed her against the wall. I leaned over her, becoming a barrier between her and the crumbling ceiling. I unleashed a wave of reiatsu and it pushed away most of the falling rock. I felt her hands fist in the sides of my kosode and her warm face pressed against my chest. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, in any other circumstance that I would've been embarrassed but this was neither the time nor the place.

"G-gomen nasai…" she whispered suddenly and I glanced down at her, "because of me, all this happened."

I wanted to yell at her, tell her to not be such an idiot but I felt her trembling slightly against me and all my frustration dissolved. She was scared and doing the only thing that seemed normal now, and that was talking all the blame on herself. I sighed and pulled away to examine her wounds but she pulled me close and I was forced to rest my chin on the crown of her head.

"W-what're you—" I stammered but she cut me off,

"Please…please don't look, Toushirou," she whimpered.

"Nande?"

"Hidoi yo. Syuaku da." (It's horrible. It's ugly.)

"Shinpai suruna," I grumbled and untangled her fingers from my clothes. She pressed her back against the wall and covered what she could with her arms. But the damaged was done and I was speechless. I figured that I should've expected it but there's a difference between _knowing_ and _seeing_. The majority of the skin on her leg had been burned clean off, the skin on her elbows and parts of her forearms were gone, clean off the smooth wooden bones.

"Ma..saka," I whispered. She turned her head away from me and tears welled up in her eyes as she wiped her eyes with wooden fingers. Gently I held her shoulders and turned her around, searching for more damage. Instinctively I drew in a sharp intake of breath when I saw that the majority of the skin on her back had been stripped off the wooden shoulder blades. I wondered how she was still conscious before I turned her to face me again. Tears were pouring down her cheeks and she hid her face from me. She was ashamed, I realized, and I pulled off my kosode. I draped it over her shoulders and gently, I didn't know what caused pain and what didn't, pulled her hands away from her face to guide them to the sleeves. She hiccupped and sniffled, but she didn't complain. She stared at the floor, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Are you through with your self-pity?" I asked, trying to force my voice to sound normal. Her head shot up and she stared at me, almost like a caged animal. "Does it…hurt to touch?" I asked and moved to touch her hand. She flinched and her hand jerked back. I touched it delicately before I raised my eyes to meet hers. They showed no pain, only astonishment. "Baka, does that hurt?" I asked and she shook her head slightly. I frowned. "I guess I'll bring you back to Kurotsuchi," I mumbled and slowly picked her up, cradling her in my arms. She whimpered slightly before biting her bottom lip. We both knew it'd be a lot less painful than her walking.

Carefully I picked my way over the debris and slowly made my way towards the door. I set her down carefully and I wondered just how tender the shredded skin was. Her body tensed at every movement and she held in gasps of pain. I stepped out into the hallway to find it filled with people.

"Is she okay?" Hozumi asked, her voice desperate.

"Clear out," I said bluntly.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto asked softly.

"GET OUT," I roared and the shinigami scrambled. Hozumi and Matsumoto stayed put and I eyed them wearily. "Matsumoto, take Hozumi—"

"Dai…joubu…Hitsugaya-taicho," Kami said weakly and I felt her cling to my arm for support. Both Matsumoto and Hozumi's eyes widened in shock and I knew that the kosode hadn't been able to cover up all of her injuries.

"K-kami!" Hozumi whimpered and fell to her knees. "I—I didn't—I couldn't s-stop it—"

"I know, Ayako," Kami said softly and I eyed them both.

"I'm taking you to Kurotsuchi," I stated calmly.

"Iie. Daijoubu da," I heard her say and I turned to her.

"Are you insane?! How could you possibly be—" I watched in horror as her brows knit together and she bit her bottom lips harshly. Slowly and carefully she slipped her fingers underneath the skin of her thigh, working upwards. She used my arm for support when her knees threatened to give way and I instinctively held onto her arm as well. There was a crack and even though it was sickening to watch, I couldn't tear my eyes away as she quickly pulled her fingers out from under the layer of skin with a soft cry. I watched, in morbid fascination, as the skin began to heal and spread over the length of her thigh, down her knees and calf, all the way to her barefoot. My eyes caught movement and I saw that the same thing was happening in every area of skin that'd been damaged. In only a matter of minutes, she was completely healed.

I opened my mouth to ask her what she'd just done but she cut me off with one word.

"Kurotsuchi."

* * *

I rested her gently on the edge of Matsumoto's bed. She held up the pair of pajamas that Hozumi had given her to change Kami into.

"I should give her a bath," Matsumoto murmured gently and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water run and I studied Kami's peaceful face. Despite what'd just happened she seemed exceptionally peaceful. I sighed.

* * *

_Hozumi bowed her head and wept into her hands. A smile graced Kami's lips before she walked over to her friend. When she dropped to her knees Hozumi looked up startled._

"_Arigatou," Kami whispered and wrapped her arms around Hozumi's neck._

"_Y-you forgive me? After everything?" Hozumi stammered and I heard Kami smirk tiredly. She rested her cheek on Hozumi's shoulder and her eyes closed._

"_Baka, there was nothing to forgive in the first place," she murmured before passing out._

* * *

**Dictionary:**

**omae- (very impolite/rude way of saying) you**

**shinpai suruna- don't worry about it**

**masaka- that's impossible**


	9. Stubborn Chibi

**I don't own Bleach.**_Stubborn Chibi._

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**(Frosted Heart.)**

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

I sat up at the sound of Kami's voice and hurried to Matsumoto's room. I definitely didn't need _another_ explosion. I threw open the door only to stop dead in my tracks. I felt my eyes widen and my eyebrow twitched as I stared at the **almost** comical scene in front of me.

"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Kami gasped and attempted to shove Matsumoto off of her. I faltered. There was no _way_ I could help…Matsumoto's…breasts…were suffocating Kami as the older woman held the smaller one in a deadly hug.

I felt Hozumi run up behind me.

"What's wrong? I felt her reiatsu—" Hozumi cut herself off when she saw Kami flailing and struggling to get free.

"It's smells like a sake bar," Kami whined before Matsumoto muttered something intelligible in her sleep with a grin and hugged Kami closer. Hozumi burst out in hysterical laughter when Kami face was pulled into Matsumoto's breasts. "HANASE!" Kami finally managed to gasp and kicked Matsumoto off the bed. By now Hozumi was on the floor laughing and I couldn't believe I'd actually been _worried_ so early in the morning.

"Huuuh~! Why's everyone in my room?" Matsumoto asked, peeking over the edge of the bed.

"URUSEI!" Kami yelled, pointing at Hozumi who was still laughing.

"If you're all so energetic," I sighed, "get ready and do your work."

"Wahh, Taicho, you're so mean!" Matsumoto whined.

"Uh, Hitsugaya-taicho?" Kami asked and I turned to her.

_Hitsugaya-taicho? When'd she start calling me that?_ It wasn't that I minded, but I'd just been so used to her teasing me that it felt odd.

"Nanda?"

"Can I request a room transfer?" she asked weakly only to be tackled by Matsumoto.

"Why Kami-chan? I thought we had a fun sleepover!" she pouted.

"YOU SMELL LIKE A BOTTLE OF SAKE!"

I sighed. "Zannen da," I said firmly.

"Usoooo da!" Kami cried and I flinched. I'd never heard her use such a whiny tone. Was staying in Matsumoto's room really that bad?

"You know, Taicho…" Matsumoto trailed off and a devious grin slithered over her lips.

_I don't like that face.._ I thought nervously.

"She _could_ sleep in **your** room~!" Matsumoto sang and I froze.

"Out of the question," I retorted and ignored the heat that rose to my cheeks.

"Ah, I-iie, Matsumoto-chan! I can't intrude…!" Kami stammered.

"There's a spare futon in the closet, we could put it on the floor for you," Matsumoto was saying and I felt a vein pulse in my head.

"As if I'd let a _girl_ sleep on the floor," I growled and a grin spread across her face.

"Yatta~! It's settled then!" Matsumoto sang and my eyes widened.

"No it's not!" I growled but Matsumoto was already dragging Kami past Hozumi and I.

"MATSUMOTO!"

"This is his room," she said happily and opened the door to my room. She dragged Kami inside who looked more than distraught.

* * *

**(Marionette.)**

Hakuryuu was laughing hysterically as Matsumoto dragged me into Toushirou's room.

_Shut up!_ I growled and I felt Toushirou's reiatsu flare with embarrassment. But at least he wasn't angry.

"MATSUMOTO!" he growled and she stopped pointing things out that I hadn't noticed she'd been doing in the first place. I felt him massage his temples before he sighed.

"I'll have someone get the futon later. But for now, **GET OUT**."

"Hai, Taicho~!" Again, I felt her grip on my wrist tighten and she dragged me out of the room.

"Gomen," I called softly as I stumbled after her and I heard him sigh in annoyance. I felt Ayako still standing in Matsumoto's doorway. Her reiatsu was a mix of feelings and I cringed. Jealousy was one of them.

"Ne, Ayako?" I asked casually and she turned but her eyes didn't meet mine.

_She likes Toushirou._ I sighed. _And now she's mad because I'm getting to spend more time with him._

_What're you gonna do? _Hakuryuu asked curiously

_Well, it's not like __**I**__ can be happy so I might as well make __**her**__ happy._

"Yeah, Kami?" she asked sullenly. I forced a grin onto my face and scratched the back of my head lazily.

"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep in Taicho's room," I drawled and she looked up, her eyes wide, "how about you sleep in his room and I take yours?" I asked. Her eyes widened.

"H-hon..tou ka?" she asked.

"Mochiron," I said and felt her arms wrap around my waist.

"I don't deserve you," she whispered and buried her face in my shoulder.

"I know, I'm amazing," I said with a shrug, "now I just need to find clothes."

"Follow me!" Ayako said cheerfully and dragged me towards her room.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"How…" I trailed off, watching Kami work diligently. Matsumoto was surprisingly at her desk and she had the same look of confusion on her face as she watched Kami. Feeling both eyes on her I felt her reiatsu examine us curiously.

"What?" she asked eventually, but didn't stop writing.

"How, are you doing that?" I asked.

"Doing what?" she mumbled and she seemed to be irritated that she'd been interrupted by such a simple question.

"Writing?"

"…"

"You don't know?" I asked incredulously when she paused and seemed thoughtful for a moment.

"Well, no…it's just…how do I explain it?" she leaned back in her chair and tapped her lips with the end of the brush. "Hakuryuu looks over it and reads it for me and I just write down whatever I need to," she explained.

"Your.._zanpakutou_ reads for you?" I asked and my brows furrowed together.

"Yeah."

"But how can you write?" Matsumoto asked confused.

She hesitated for a moment before lowering her head. "I wasn't always blind…" she said softly. An awkward silence fell over the room and I cursed myself for bringing it up.

"How—"

"Matsumoto," I said, cutting her off sharply. She fell silent immediately and bent over her work but I knew she wasn't actually working. To be honest, neither was I. A heavy sigh caused both Matsumoto and I to look up, startled.

"I can't see out of these eyes," she murmured, "these were the original eyes given with the puppet body. They serve no purpose except to **look** like real eyes." She didn't stop writing once.

"Do you mind…if I ask…_why_ you're in wooden…" Matsumoto trailed off when I shot her a glare. It was none of our business and I could tell that Kami was uncomfortable talking about it.

"I was in an accident," she murmured. I had a hunch that if we pressed any further she'd close up so I forced myself to return to my work.

**(Marionette.)**

I felt bad, leaving Toushirou and Matsumoto in the dark about my past but it was **certainly** not something that I cared to talk about. I knew that both of them were curious but didn't want to pry as Toushirou focused intently on his work and Matsumoto daydreamed. I felt Ayako's reiatsu nearby and I remembered that I was supposed to tell Toushirou about the room switch.

"Sou danna…Hitsugaya-taicho?" I asked softly, afraid he'd be irritated that I'd interrupted his work.

"Nani ka?" he asked but didn't look up.

"I'm going to stay in Ayako's room," I started and I felt his reiatsu tighten and I felt him look at me.

"And where's _Hozumi_ staying?" he asked suspiciously and I knew he thought we wanted to stay in the same room.

"…In your room…if you don't mind…" I finished weakly. I really hated causing a fuss but if it made Ayako happy…then…

"Iie," he said bluntly and returned to his work.

"H-huh?"

"I'm not reorganizing the two of you every time you please. Besides, it'd be safer to have you closer to me," he explained dully and my heart sank. I stood up and bowed.

"Onegaishimasu," I pleaded and I felt his surprise.

"Sit down," he said flatly but I made no move to sit.

"Yada."

"Nandato?" he asked taken aback.

"Please allow Ayako and I to change rooms," I asked again.

"Kami-chan…" Matsumoto murmured and through her reiatsu I knew she understood why I was doing this for Ayako.

"Why?" Toushirou asked suspiciously and my eyes widened.

_He hasn't noticed?_

_How could he __**not**__? _Hakuryuu snorted, _it's not like she __**hides**__ her feelings for him._

"W-what do you mean, why?" I asked trying to find some way around the question without having to directly answer 'because she has a crush on you'.

"Why, as in, **why** should you and Ayako switch rooms?"

"Taicho," Matsumoto groaned and I straightened up.

"You're stupid," I said bluntly and I felt his eyes widen.

"Just _who_ do you think you're talking to?" he growled.

"Taicho…" Matsumoto winced.

"I see no reason as to _why_ your rooms should be switched. Considering the extra effort it would take I'm denying your request," he said flatly and it was clear that he was still miffed about the 'you're stupid' comment.

_Me and my big mouth._ I groaned inwardly.

"And what if I just _don't_ sleep in your room?" I asked, hinting towards rebellion and I felt his incredulous gaze on me.

"And where will you sleep?" he asked, sounding _almost_ amused.

"Ayako's room, but she'll be too afraid that she'll try and hurt me again so she won't sleep in _her_ room and she'll be left without a bed," I said. I felt a smirk creep across his lips faintly.

"She can sleep on the couch, if that's the case," he said haughtily and I gaped.

"You'd actually let her do that, wouldn't you? Just to prove a point! Mattaku," I grumbled and I saw a victory smile tug at the corners of his mouth. But two could play at that game and I leaned against the desk and rested a hand on my hip. "So, Hitsugaya-taicho…could you tell me _why_ you only want me to sleep in _your_ room?" I asked coolly and his reiatsu stiffened. I heard Matsumoto stifle a giggle.

"I already explained myself," he muttered and I heard the shuffling of papers. A sly grin crossed my features and I skipped over to his desk and rested an elbow on his desk.

"You protected me just _fine_ when I was in my old room…and besides, if Ayako was in _your_ room, you'd be able to stop her before she did any damage. I dunno but that sounds **a lot** safer to me," I said casually and I felt the air drop a few degrees and I knew I hit a nerve.

"It's not open for debate _Kurohime_," he said darkly and I gasped.

"Taicho~! You used my _last_ name! Are you mad?" I asked sarcastically I felt a vein throb in his forehead and I grinned again.

"Kami," he said dangerously.

"Otou, sumimasen, Taicho," I sang and backed up playfully, "it's a bit chilly over here."

I felt Matsumoto's reiatsu tighten as she prepared for an explosion of anger from the small captain but I knew he was struggling to reign in his emotions. But I'd have none of that.

"Think of all the things you could do with Ayako~!" I giggled and I felt his face burn. I grinned in delight.

"What the **hell** are you talking about—"

"I don't know what _you_ were thinking but I was talking about ghost stories and pillow fights," I said innocently and I felt his annoyance lash out through his reiatsu.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, Kami, but it's not working," he said finally and picked up a stack of papers before tapping them on the desk to straighten them out. I frowned.

_He __**still**__ doesn't get it?_

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Contrary to what I knew Kami was thinking, I **was** aware of Hozumi's still developing crush and I was **also** aware of what she was trying to do by getting me riled up. She was trying to get my emotions to blot out my logic and trick me into letting them switch rooms. But to be honest, her logic made sense. It'd be better to have Hozumi closer than Kami so that I could **prevent** attacks before anything actually happened but I didn't know if I'd be able to survive living in the same **room** as Hozumi. She was a brilliant worker but ridiculously annoying when it came down to it all. Plus I'd admit to no one other than Hyourinmaru that I was slightly afraid of what she might try to do to my room whereas a blind person couldn't care less about how a room looked.

Kami frowned and I rested my cheek in one hand. "Is that all you have to say?" I asked just as innocently as she'd been before. Her lips twisted and she gnawed on them, a common habit, except for the fact that she began to bleed almost every time she did so. I sighed and pulled open my desk drawer and pulled out a white handkerchief. I handed it to her and she blinked, confused.

"What's that for?" she asked and frowned.

"You're bleeding," I said and she tilted her head to the side, confused.

"No I'm not," she said and I stood up. Her white eyes stared straight ahead and her brows pulled together in concentration. I dabbed her lips but she didn't react. Carefully pressed the cut, which _should_ have stung, but there was no reaction. I frowned.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto questioned when I gently trailed my finger over her lips.

"You don't feel that?"

"Feel what?" she asked softly and my eyes widened.

"Taicho, what's going on?" Matsumoto whined and stood behind me. "Kami-chan!" she exclaimed, "it looks like you've just about bitten your bottom lip off!"

"O-oh, souka?" she murmured and stepped back.

"Was that from the fire?" I asked and I wondered if there'd been other nerve damage that she hadn't told me about or didn't know of.

"M-most likely," she murmured but there was something about the way she said it that made it sound like a lie. "I'll contact Kurotsuchi-taicho as soon as I get the chance," she mumbled and wandered back over to her desk. I eyed her suspiciously but said nothing more and waved Matsumoto back over to her desk. She pouted and sulked over to the pile of paperwork and disappeared behind it.

I watched her for a few minutes. She was completely absorbed in her work when I broke the silence, "I'm still not letting you change rooms," and took utter delight in hearing her growl of annoyance.

* * *

**Dictionary:**

**hanase- let go**

**nani ka- what is it?**

**zannen da- it's not possible**

**hontou ka- really?**

**yatta- yay**

**onegaishimasu- i beg of you**

**mochiron- of course**

**yada- i don't want to**

**sou danna- (oh) that's right**

**souka- i see**

**otou, sumimasen- oops, i apologize**


	10. The War

**Kami: ahem, alright, the author is officially lazy so _we're _replying to her reviews..not that there's many *cough cough***

**Author: DAMARE.**

**Kami: heheh.**

**Saiko: that's not nice Kami, it's not her fault.**

**Kami: well if she wrote a _better_ story she'd get more reviews. **

**Author: TT___TT you do know I can hear everything you're saying..right?**

**Ayako: Kami _does_ have a point... ^^;**

**Kami: whatever. alright. first comment...**

**Ayako: *drumrolls off desk***

**Kami: yueaifeng!!! Arigatou!! We're glad you like the story and sorry that the author is to much of a lazy ass to reply sooner.**

**Author: D:**

**Ayako: Erina Destiny! thanks so much! The author is glad that you find the plot interesting!**

**Author: then why can't I reply-**

**Kami: Shut it.**

**Author: ._______.**

**Saiko: Guys... o____o;...the author DID create us..shouldn't we be nicer to her...she could HURT us DDDDD:**

**Author: *begins to reply***

**Kami: you wouldn't hurt us...RIGHT Author-_chaaan_ *gives Author scary look***

**Author: ....why did I create someone like you? TT_____________TT I think Saiko should've been the main character :[**

**Saiko: ...umm...Distant-Moon (trying to change the topic) !!! You made the author's day when she read your comments :D we're glad Kami isn't a mary sue...**

**Kami: what the hell's a mary sue?**

**Ayako: some annoying main character that even the guy who's supposed to like her hates her.**

**Kami: ... *looks around for Toushirou* TOUSHIROU, GET YER ASS IN HERE.**

**Toushirou: what is it, Kami *glaring*? Wait...what's going on? Oi, you have paperwork-**

**Kami: do you hate me?**

**Toushirou: hate you? why would I hate you?**

**Kami: just ANSWER the question.**

**Toushirou: *sigh* no. *returns to office with tea 3***

**Kami: Alright. Guess I'm not a mary sue ^^**

**Saiko: yay? oh, and as for why no one's commented...hehe, we're not sure yet.**

**Kami: cause the story sucks :[**

**Author: yeah, cause I made _you_ the main character .**

**Kami: NANDATOU?!**

**Author: *ignoring Kami* GOOMMEEN terserah-is-whatever!! I'm sorry that I made the flashbacks difficult D: (this goes for anyone) if you don't understand something please ask me and I'll explain it :D**

**Kami: I thought we agreed that you weren't allowed to speak.**

**Author: ...FINE. It's the end anyways..**

**Kami: oh LOL that's RIGHT! You have like..NO reviews XD**

**Author: ITS CUZ YOU SUCK. D:**

**ALRIGHT. that's enough of that. anyways..I hope you enjoy this chapter 3**

**I don't own bleach****(Marionette.)**

* * *

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Is either _one_ of you going to explain it?" Toushirou and I felt his eyes flicker between Ayako and I.

"I already told you didn't I?" I mumbled. "I was in an accident."

"I'm not stupid, Kami," he snapped and I chewed on my lip.

"Kami," Ayako murmured and I felt her shift closer to me on the couch. "Shouldn't we just tell him?" she whispered.

"It's none of his business," I hissed.

"Are you going to continue whispering or should I talk to you separately?" Toushirou asked and I could hear he was losing his patience.

"We lived together in Rukongai—"

"Stop, Ayako," I warned. I _really_ didn't like to talk about this. It brought back a lot of bad memories. Toushirou still refused to let Ayako and I switch rooms and now he wanted to talk about the 'mysterious' force controlling Ayako last night.

"Just don't listen," Ayako said flatly and I grunted.

"Saiko, Kami, Otou-san and I all lived together in Rukongai. Otou-san was a scientist and was always in his lab so we rarely saw him. We all discovered our physical zanpakutou around the same time," she said and I felt Toushirou's eyes widen.

"We didn't know that finding your sword like that was so special," I interrupted and I felt Toushirou's eyes shift from Ayako to me then travel back to Ayako.

"Yeah. We just thought that was how it was for everyone when they found they had shinigami powers…Saiko didn't want to fight, though. She didn't like the idea of it and I didn't feel like leaving either. After a week or so, Kami had me convinced that'd it'd be more fun than the house we were staying in. But Saiko's resolve wouldn't budge. We wanted to convince her, not force her, and we weren't leaving without her.

"And then **he** showed up…Dairen…Saiko and I…fell for him almost immediately. But Kami didn't like him…Looking back now…I was such an idiot for not realizing how isolated we made ourselves from Kami. She tried..to tell us indirectly but I was too focused on Dairen..Saiko noticed though, I think..she tried to spend more time with Kami but Dairen kept getting in the way," I felt her look to me but I turned my face straight ahead so I wasn't looking at anyone, "and I never realized, how cruel that was. We were _always_ together and we were always looking out for each other..but as soon as he came we turned our backs on you even though you always made sure we were safe...I remember, one night, when someone tried to break into the house. He was from a lower district and he was desperate. He was hungry, half-starved, and he threatened us. Dairen tried to stop him but just got beat up instead. He wasn't a fighter..he was too gentle. But y-you…you just went into the kitchen and gathered up a bunch of the food that'd we'd gotten from the garden and shoved it in his hands. You told him 'leave. When you're thinking straight, try to get into the shinigami academy' and that was the end of it," she laughed and wiped her eyes. I didn't say anything and she continued. "I loved Dairen so much," I could hear the pain in her voice, "and one day, I'd gone out to get something, apples I think, and when I came back I couldn't find anyone. I walked through the house. I knew Kami was out but Saiko and Dairen should've been there. And they—they were..they were in the back room..and he—...he was kissing her. He was kissing Saiko even though she'd tried to push him away because she knew _I_ liked him. I...I was so angry. I-I couldn't stop myself. I just kept hitting him over and over. I don't even know when Saiko started crying and begging me to stop. But when it..was done..there was no chance that he was still alive. I..I couldn't bear to see what I'd done and I went onto the roof to wait for Kami to come home. I saw her go inside, but she didn't see me. I heard her..ask Saiko what'd happen before she came up onto the roof with Saiko. I was so ashamed," she whispered and turned to me but I couldn't bring myself to look at her as memories invaded my mind, "and I told..Kami to choose between Saiko and I. I knew after seeing what I'd done she'd protect Saiko. Heh..she looked so fragile, so doll-like. I attacked Saiko but I knew Kami would block me. So I moved and took the hit."

My heart sped up and my eyes widened.

_She...**took** the hit?! After all this time.._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Slowly I began to realize, as Hozumi's story went on, why Kami refused to talk about this.

"All these years...I thought it was _my_ fault?" Kami whispered. Hozumi looked to her.

"Didn't he tell you? He saw our memories...he'd of known that I did it purposely," Hozumi said quietly and Kami's eyes widened.

_Who're they talking about?_ I wondered. I was about to ask when Kami hissed and her reiatsu flared. Her eyes were boring a hole into the floor and her reiatsu was climbing steadily. "How **dare** he?!" she growled.

"K-kami?" Hozumi asked nervously and reached out to touch her, but a wave of reiatsu pushed her back. I used shunpo and pulled Hozumi away from Kami whose reiatsu spiked suddenly and the couch cracked and crumpled under the force of her reiatsu as she rose to her feet. I stared at her.

_What should I do?_ I wondered. If this continued she'd destroy my entire office. The hardwood under her feet cracked and splintered completely in a large circle around her and I inched towards her. Hozumi's hands gripped the sleeve of my kosode, pulling me back. I looked back in surprise. She met me with a firm stare.

"She'll cool off in a minute. She doesn't stay angry for long," she said calmly and I looked back to Kami. Sure enough, her reiatsu began to dwindle back to its usual strength and she stared at the floor.

"Sumimasen, taicho. I ruined your couch and the floor," she mumbled, her voice strained.

I stared at the floor irritably before my eyes fixated on her. She was clearly distraught and her body was trembling. I could tell she was tired and pushing her to talk further would only make matters worse. "Daijoubu da," I sighed, "I've heard enough." I said the last part softly. Kami could finish the story when she wanted to. I wasn't going to push her, I decided. "Kami, we're going to have to set everything up for you, so let's get it done now," I said and she blinked before I felt her reiatsu creep towards Hozumi tentatively. She had a look of surprise on her face and I sighed. "It's a waste of time to switch rooms. I denied the request," I explained coldly so that she wouldn't be angry with Kami.

"O-oh," she murmured and looked to her feet.

"Oyasumi, Hozumi," I said curtly. I felt slightly guilty about not using her first name but I didn't want her to get the wrong impression. I began to walk towards the door when I realized that Kami wasn't following me. I folded my arms in my sleeves and glared at her over my shoulder. "Hurry up, Kami," I growled.

"H-hai, taicho," she mumbled and covered the short distance swiftly.

"Oyasumi, Ayako," she whispered and followed me through the door.

* * *

"I'm not letting a girl sleep on the floor," I said shortly and she glared at me. I knew she was still upset about the conversation about her past and she was irritable, but it didn't mean I was going to let her sleep on the floor.

"Taicho," she said curtly, "it's _your_ room. I'm fine to sleep on the floor."

"Iie."

"Nande?" she groaned.

"My room, my rules," I said stubbornly and I felt her reiatsu expand through the room.

"Your bed is massive, why can't we just both sleep in it?" she whined and I felt heat in my cheeks.

"D-don't be stupid," I growled, "that's completely inappropriate."

"Argh, you're sucha prude," she muttered and made her way out of the room.

"Where are you going Kami?" I demanded.

"Calm down, I'll be right back," she muttered and I heard the hallway closet slide open. I leaned against the doorframe and watched her as she walked towards Matsumoto's room with her arms full of spare pillows and knocked on the door with her foot.

"Nani ka, Kami-chan?" Matsumoto asked.

"Do you have any extra pillows, Matsumoto-san?" she asked.

"Didn't I tell you to call me Rangiku?" she pouted and folded her arms. Kami sighed.

"Do you have any extra pillows, _Rangiku_-san?" she repeated tiredly.

"Just sleep on Toushirou's chest~!" she said, grinning, and yanked the pillows out of Kami's arms.

"MATSUMOTO!" I roared and my blush deepened but Kami had already disappeared into Matsumoto's room.

"I'll give them back if you wear this," I heard Matsumoto say mischievously.

_I don't like that tone._

_It always produces interesting results._ Hyourinmaru chuckled and I sighed. Suddenly the door opened and Kami walked out but I couldn't see her behind the tower of pillows. Before she'd been wearing her shinigami uniform to bed but now I could see the skin up to her knees before her body disappeared behind the pillows. I felt heat creep up the side of my neck as I wondered what kind of outfit Matsumoto had conned her into.

She walked past me breezily and I examined her from behind. It looked like it was Matsumoto's kosode and was just long enough to reach the middle of Kami's thighs.

_What the **hell** does Matsumoto think she's doing?_ I thought and my body felt slightly feverish.

Hyourinmaru chuckled and I scowled as I turned to watch Kami as she piled up the pillows into a wall down the center of the bed.

"Is it really that revealing?" Kami asked wearily but I didn't trust my voice to reply. I heard her smirk softly when I didn't reply but she made no move to pull the kosode down where it'd begun to creep further up her thigh and-oh god. I knew my tan wasn't covering my blush anymore when I saw part of her underwear. If Kami noticed she didn't comment and I was grateful for it.

"There, happy?" she muttered when the last pillow had been laid on the makeshift wall and she sprawled out. I eyed it suspiciously but I was too tired to argue. With a grunt of annoyance I pulled off the loosely tied kosode. I knew, because she was blind, that she wouldn't care that I half-naked and only in light hakama pants. I cast her one last suspicious look and crossed the room to the other side of the bed and slowly lay down.

"I'm sleeping on the futon tomorrow," I said huffily.

"Whatever," she yawned and I heard her turn and try and get comfortable. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be but I guessed it was because of the pillow wall between us. Realizing that it didn't really matter I forced myself to relax and rolled over onto my back. Just as I did so something soft smacked into my face, making me grunt in surprise. I pulled the pillow from my face and I saw Kami's face peeking over the wall.

"What the—"

"That's for not letting Ayako and I switch rooms," she grumbled and returned to her spot. I growled, determined not to let her get away with such rude behavior, and pulled a pillow from the wall and hurled it at her. She squeaked in surprise when it hit the back of her head and she turned to me.

"What the hell was that for?" she cried.

"That's for being rude to a taicho," I said mockingly. I heard a 'hmph' before a pillow grazed my cheek and I'd just barely dodged it. "You're on," I smirked, replying to her unspoken challenge and I heard her snort before she threw another pillow. It hit my shoulder and I threw one, hitting her in the stomach. I could barely see the pillows in the darkness and knew I was at a disadvantage because Kami could still feel where the pillows were. I heard the pillow I threw hit the wall opposite from me and growled. She'd dodged it again. She chuckled.

"You picked a losing battle," she snickered through heavy intakes of breath and I dodged a pillow aimed at my face.

"Don't be so sure," I grinned, my breathing was just as heavy. I hadn't realized she'd gathered so many pillows. I felt the air shoot by as a pillow grazed my cheek and I caught it before throwing it back to her. It landed on the floor with a thud and a pillow hit my stomach. I picked it up and threw it at her.

By now we'd both clambered off the bed and were throwing discarded pillows across the room and neither of us were really bothering to aim anymore. Then suddenly, there were no more pillows around me and I frowned. She chuckled.

"Where'd they go?" I mumbled and she laughed again.

"Who knows?" she said mischievously before a pillow hit my face again.

"Would you stop aiming for my face?" I growled.

"I hit your face?" she asked innocently and I sighed.

"Alright, enough of this. We have to work tomorrow," I said sternly and I heard her pout.

"Killjoy," she scoffed, "you're just mad because I got the last hit."

My foot nudged a pillow and I grinned before throwing it at her. She squeaked when it hit her in the face and I grinned.

"What was that about the last hit?" I asked, smirking. I could faintly see her raise her hands in surrender.

"I accept my defeat with grace. Unlike a certain _boy_ I know," she said hotly and I snorted, deciding to ignore her discreet insult. I was too tired to continue the fight and sprawled out on my side of the bed. I felt the mattress shift slightly as she lay down beside me. One last thought fluttered through my mind before I fell asleep but it was too late to do anything by that point.

_Oh...the pillow wall is gone..._


	11. Revenge

**Author: heeyy~!**

**Saiko: ano...author-chan?**

**Author: what is it, Saiko-chan ~ 3**

**Ayako: where the heck did Kami go?**

**Author: *glances around* hmm, that's a good question. What a rotten girl for--**

_nggh._

**Saiko: W-what was that?? 0__________0**

**Ayako: I didn't hear anything.**

**Author: hehe, me neither ^^;**

_mufhhknbmmth!_

**Author/Saiko/Ayako: ...**

**Ayako: *opens closet***

Kami glares murderously at the Author who blinks at Kami's bound and gagged form before smiling innocently.

**Author: hohoho, how'd she get in there?**

Ayako removes the gag.

**Kami: YOU BITCH!!**

**Author: nownow, I was told I should teach you how to respect your creator so I did. Now be good or I'll close the door in your face.**

**Kami: *glaring* ...**

**Author: ^^ alright, here it goes! terserah-is-whatever, i'm glad you liked the 'war' XD...it was _kinda_ a war..not really but we can pretend for Kami and Toushirou's sake.**

**Kami: I should've dodged that last pillow *grumbling***

**Author: :D anyways thanks for your support, XoXoCHOCOXoXo, I'll take your advice but I think i'll have for devise a way to force people into reviewing :D and tsktsk erina destiny!! How could you think that'd I'd cause such embarrassment for our dear chibi-taicho by making them wake up in a... *cough* _easily misunderstood_ position :D**

**please enjoy and I don't own bleach. Just Kami, Ayako, and Saiko.**

**Kami: shuddup. you don't own me :[**

**

* * *

**

_Revenge._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Click.

**Giggle.**

Click.

**Giggle.**

Click.

_What the hell is that noise?_

**Giggle.**

I turned away from the noise and felt something soft brush against my noise. I inhaled, deeply, and breathed in the smell of...something. I couldn't quite put a name to it but it smelled amazing.

_Green tea? No...not even close...Rose...not that either...oh! Jasmine!_ I breathed deeply again, savoring the smell and not bothering to wonder where it was coming from.

Click.

_What __**is**__ that noise?_ I wondered irritably. I curled closer to the origin of the smell and felt something unusually warm pressed against me. Come to think of it...my arm was draped over it too...I struggled, trying to remember what was beside me. I didn't want to open my eyes and lose the serenity of the moment but when I couldn't remember I opened my eyes slightly.

"Kawaii~!" I heard Matsumoto croon and I moved to sit up, only to find my arm trapped. My eyes widened in a groggy panic. I looked down and immediately my face began to burn. My arm was underneath Kami's neck, her face nestled into my **unclothed** chest, and my other arm was lying traitorously over her waist. Every drop of blood in my body rushed to the surface, covering my body in a ridiculous shade of red when I saw Kami's bare thigh and the bottom of the loose kosode hiked up stupidly high, enough catch a full glimpse of her underwear and stomach.

Click, click, click, click.

I turned and my eyes widened further when I saw Matsumoto with her camera and a large giddy smile plastered to her face.

"MATSUMOTO!" I roared startling Kami who yelped and promptly fell off the bed.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU YELLING?" Kami screeched when she clambered off the floor and back onto the bed.

"Waah~! When I told you to use taicho's chest as a pillow you gave me such a mean look, Kami-chan, but you did it anyways~!" Matsumoto pouted.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kami groaned and snuggled up under the covers.

"I've got pictures~!" she said happily.

"I can't see them," Kami shot back irritably and Matsumoto frowned.

"Aww!!! But you guys are so cute!" she whined.

"Give me the camera Matsumoto," I growled.

"You slept in Taicho," she said, ignoring my order. My eyes widened.

_I slept in? How? I never-! _By the time I realized that it was earlier than my usual wake up Matsumoto had already disappeared.

"MATSUMOTO!" I yelled.

"Shut up," Kami begged and I turned to her and found her face buried in a pillow. She frowned. "I was so warm," she whined annoyed.

"How ironic," I muttered.

"Whaddya mean?" she mumbled sleepily.

"You were beside **me**," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I'd **never** find Matsumoto now.

"Yer warm, Toushirou," she murmured as she fell back into sleep and I glanced at her surprised.

"That's not what I've been told," I scoffed.

"Yer..." her sentence was cut off when sleep took over and I sighed. I stood up and folded the blankets over her before tucking them around her body. There was no point in going back to sleep now.

I dressed quietly, trying to make as little noise as possible, and slipped out the door.

_Well that was a pleasant morning._ Hyourinmaru chuckled and I scowled. I opened the door to my office and glared at the pile of paperwork that'd magically accumulated over night. I sat down and pulled the first sheet off the pile and attempted to push out the images of Kami from my mind. Then I remembered the pillow fight and despite my sour mood I smirked. Feeling better about winning the fight, I began to work on the paperwork.

A few minutes passed and suddenly the door opened and Hozumi stepped inside. She glanced around.

"Ohayo goizaimasu, Taicho...oh...where's Kami?" she asked.

"Still in the bedroom," I said, not looking up from the paper.

"You didn't wake her up?" she gasped and I looked up, surprised.

"No, why?" I asked suspiciously.

"It's almost lunch time!" I glanced to the clock and was shocked to find that it was, in fact, eleven. "She'll sleep into five if you let her," she warned. I stood up quickly. I hadn't noticed the time. A few minutes had actually been a few _hours_.

_How could someone sleep so late?_ I wondered irritably and opened the door. My eyes widened and I turned around immediately and closed the door. My heart pounded in my ears and I knew a blush had already taken over my cheeks. _Shit...what should I do?_ I closed my eyes and grimaced. I could do this. I was a captain of the Gotei 13. I took a deep breath and opened the door again trying to ignore the fact that she'd kicked the sheets off the bed revealing, yet again, her kosode that'd risen to her bellybutton and the opening that slipped precariously low on her shoulder.

"K-kami," I called, my voice cracking, and I closed my eyes, turning my face away embarrassed. No response. "Kami," I said, more stern. She whimpered slightly and I forced one eye open. She was chewing on her lip, even in her sleep, and it'd begun to bleed again. She turned suddenly and twisted her body oddly, like she was having a nightmare. The blush had completely disappeared off my face until I noticed the sheen on her skin. My face heated again as my eyes skimmed over her skin. Even her stomach held a glisten. My head spun and I staggered slightly. I heard Hyourinmaru laugh faintly as I watched her writhe on the bed slightly. Her brow was furrowed.

"It's too hot," she mumbled and I forced myself to look away.

_She's having a nightmare._ Hyourinmaru observed, albeit amusement.

_Yes._

_You should wake her up._

_Yes._ I wasn't able to form more than one word at a time. Slowly I edged closer to the bed, picking my way around discarded pillows before I eased myself gently onto the edge of the bed. "Kami," I said gently and she whimpered again. All embarrassment disappeared when I saw the pained expression on her face. Slowly, unsure of what I was doing, my hand brushed against her cheek and she immediately nestled into it. Her features softened slightly at the simple gesture before she jerked away and bit her lip. Curious to see her reaction, I let some of my reiatsu leak out, chilling the air around us. Slowly her face softened and her body relaxed as the nightmare faded. I smirked.

_So much for me being warm._ I though and shook her shoulder slightly. "Kami," I said forcing my voice to be irritated and I stood up as her eyes fluttered open.

"Huh?" she murmured and rubbed her eyes sleepily. I felt her reiatsu habitually scan the room before focusing on me. "Taicho?" she implored groggily and I folded my arms.

"It's eleven. Get your ass out of bed," I growled and she sat up with a yawn.

"You should've woken me up when you got up," she mumbled and stretched making my eyes widen as the opening of her kosode slid down her shoulders more. She grumbled something under her breath before fiddling with it. "Stupid thing," she grumbled before her reiatsu focused on me again. "Doushita?" she asked before a knowing smile slid over her face. "Oya, I didn't know Taicho was an _hentai_," she said and feigned a gasp. My face felt like it was on fire.

"Chigau!"

"I'm wrong?"

"Hai."

"You were staring."

"You're blind," I retorted huffily.

"That doesn't mean I can't tell your face is burning," she grinned coyly and I glared at her.

"Urusei."

"Prude," she snickered and I glared at her.

"Hurry up and start your work," I growled and left the room. It felt like a breath of fresh air as I walked into the hallway and into the office.

"A-ah, konnichiwa, Hitsugaya-taicho," a voice mumbled and I glanced over to the doorway where Awashita was standing. I nodded and went over to my desk and I eyed the massive pile of paperwork wearily.

_I wish someone else would do this._ I thought miserably before an idea wormed it's way into my thoughts, causing me to smirk.

"Ano, do you know where Kami is?" Awashita asked shyly.

"She's getting ready. I didn't realize she slept in so late and didn't wake her," I explained briefly as I cut the paper stack in half and carried it over to Kami's desk.

"O-oh, hai..." she said and shuffled awkwardly as she watched me dump the tower of papers on Kami's own pile before returning to my desk.

"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked and pulled the first sheet of paper off and set to work.

"Ah, iie. Arigatou," she murmured and I glanced up when the door opened and Kami stumbled out, still half-asleep.

"Saiko!" she exclaimed, "what're you doing here?"

"I got half the day off so I came to see how you were doing," she said cheerfully. I sighed. I would've told them to go outside had I not wanted to see Kami's reaction to the new height added to her paperwork.

"Taicho, I need to ask you a—" Hozumi stumbled into the office and the three of them froze. I glanced up. I didn't need a fight in my office.

"A-ayako," Saiko whispered and Kami sighed before I felt her reiatsu shift to her desk.

"O-oi!" she cried and a smile crept to my lips. "Since when do I have so much homework?" she asked angrily and turned to me.

"Since you slept in till lunch," I said flatly and focused on my own paper work. Hozumi laughed and crossed the room and I heard her pick the first sheet off the pile.

"Hidoi yo, Hitsugaya-taicho!" Hozumi cried.

"Nanda?"

"I put this on _your_ desk when you went to wake up Kami!" she said but I could tell she was amused.

"NANI?!" Kami cried.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied airily.

"You're a horrible person," Kami muttered and turned to Saiko, "can I join the roku-bantai? Please take me back, I won't be overprotective anymore!" Kami cried and hugged Saiko's waist who laughed nervously.

"You'd have to ask _your_ taicho for forms," she said and I felt her eyes flicker to me momentarily.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, can I—"

"Iie."

"I didn't even finish my question," Kami pouted and I glanced up at her.

"Sou desu ka?" I mumbled, uninterested.

"Don't _sou desu ka_ me!" she growled, "you're just getting back at me for calling you a pervert!"

"K-kami?" Saiko mumbled, embarrassedly and Hozumi gaped.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered innocently.

"Omae...!"

"Stop being so rude!" Hozumi growled and smacked her over the back of the head.

"Itai!"

"You shouldn't be so mean to Hitsugaya-taicho," Saiko warned softly.

"Yeah! He's done so much for you!"

"STOP GANGING UP ON ME!!" Kami cried and both Saiko and Hozumi began laughing. After a moment they realized what they were doing and looked to each other, smiling nervously.

"Taicho...?" Kami asked suddenly.

"Nanda?" I asked, not looking up.

"Would you mind...if Ayako and I took a moment to speak with Saiko so we could...clear everything up?"

"Don't take too long," I sighed.

"Arigatou," she said softly and I heard the smile in her voice. A sudden thought occurred to me when the door closed behind the three girls.

_What does Matsumoto plan on doing with those pictures...?_

**(Marionette.)**

"Taicho?" I called lazily.

"Mm?"

"I'm getting tea, do you want any?" I asked.

"Yes."

I stood up and stretched.

_He's so mean for giving me __**his**__ paperwork._

_You were asking for it. You __**were**__ rude._ Hakuryuu pointed out and I scowled inwardly.

_You're supposed to be on __**my**__ side._

_I am. I'm just pointing out something you deny to admit._

_Urusei. Oh...I wonder what type of tea he'd like..._I paused and let my reiatsu skim over the packages. Carefully I picked one up and sniffed it. My nose wrinkled and I set it down.

_Jasmine or green?_

_He seems like a green tea kinda person._

_So what's that say about me?_ I growled.

_I didn't say anything._ She replied innocently.

_Hmph._ I picked out two bags of green tea and dropped them into the steaming water. I waited and felt the steam twist and curl. A small amused smile crossed my lips. I was thankful that Toushirou had let Ayako and I take time off so we could speak with Saiko. In return, I hadn't said another word about the paperwork he'd dumped on me. Although still on uneasy ground, the three of us were friends again and thankfully we still had the bond where we were able to pick up where we left off.

_Friendship like yours isn't easily broken._ Hakuryuu murmured.

_I hope so..._ Using my elbow I opened the office door and stepped inside, holding the cups carefully. I set one on Toushirou's desk and I felt him look up at me.

"Arigatou," he murmured before returning to his paperwork. I walked over to my desk and set my cup down before settling into my chair.

_No wonder Matsumoto always runs away._ I thought with a yawn and Hakuryuu chuckled.

* * *

**Please review, or Kami'll eat you.**

**Kami: I'll what?! o_____________0**

**Dictionary:**

**ohayo gozaimasu- good morning**

**hentai- pervert**

**chigau- you're wrong**

**konnichiwa- hello**

**sou desu ka- is that so?**

**itai- it hurts!**


	12. A Monster Like Me

**Kami: WHERE THE _HELL_ HAVE YOU BEEN?!**

**Author: waaah~! Gomen gomen!! School started TT________TT**

**Ayako: does that mean the updates will be slow?**

**Author: I'll try my best, I promise!**

**Saiko: Ah, you shouldn't overwork yourself...**

**Kami: *evil grin* you'd _better_ update as much as possible.**

**Author: ... -______-; haaaii..**

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_A Monster Like Me._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

It'd been a month since Kami had joined the ju-bantai. It'd also been 28 days since I'd begun to sleep on the floor. Things were different. Things were...happy? I didn't know how to describe it. Kami hadn't had any more "accidents", Ayako (I'd begun to call her that for the sake of the squad's inner peace) had been forgiven by both her friends, apparently Saiko (Kami and Ayako convinced me that she'd feel left out if I didn't use her first name as well. **Sigh**.) was well liked in the roku-bantai. Although Matsumoto was, as usual, nowhere to be found, the pictures she'd taken hadn't surfaced so far. I was...content.

* * *

"Taicho, I brought tea," Kami stated and set the cup down on my desk.

"Arigatou," I muttered but remained focused on my paperwork. But when she huffed I looked up. "Nanda?"

"Is that all you do?" she asked with a frown.

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Work. I mean, don't you have a life _outside_ of the office?" she pressed irritably.

"Iie."

"Jeeze, no wonder you're always in sucha bad mood," she grumbled and I glared at her. I'd given her a break from paperwork seeing as she'd gotten up with me at my, as Kami had dubbed it, "insane" hour and had worked hard since then.

She sat on the couch and turned to face me, leaning over the back. I'd grown used to her eyes not being directed at me but I always knew she was talking to me by her reiatsu. "What was it like **before** you were a shinigami?" she asked. I glanced up. Normally she had no concern about other people's past and this was the first time she'd _ever_ questioned me about my personal life.

"It's none of your concern," I said coldly. She pouted.

"That's not nice, Taicho," she muttered but said nothing after that. I would've liked to say that she'd given up on the subject except I could feel her reiatsu's hum as it focused directly on me. I sighed.

"I lived with Granny and Hinamori," I said softly, still writing. She perked up and a small smile teased her lips.

"Hinamori?" she asked, surprisingly, shy. I glanced up.

"She's the go-bantai fukutaicho. She's been on a mission since you graduated into the Gotei 13 which is why you haven't met her," I said slowly.

She smiled lazily. "You're good friends," she said happily.

"What makes you say that?" I grumbled and she chuckled.

"Your tone. It's softer than usual," she said softly and I glanced up at her. She had a strange look on her face. It seemed dreamy and for a split second her focus slipped off of me.

I snorted. "She's a bedwetter and a crybaby," I scoffed and felt her focus return to me. I felt...warm when I was the center of her attention.

She laughed. "Hidoi yo, Taicho," she giggled.

"Why did you start calling me that?" I asked, suddenly serious and she blinked.

"Calling you what?" She asked, confused.

"Why did you start calling me 'taicho'?"

"Haven't I always called you taicho?" she asked innocently and I frowned.

"You started...after the fire," I said softly and she flinched slightly before looking away.

"Don't you like being called that?" she asked and I could tell she was avoiding the question.

"That didn't stop you before," I grunted and I saw her smirk slightly.

"There's always a time...after events like that...when you realize that certain people deserve the respect they work so hard for," she said quietly before facing me and smiling.

I felt my cheeks glow slightly and I stared at her in slight awe.

The room fell into silence as I studied her silently and she began to get fidgety under my gaze. A thought entered my mind and I reached into my desk drawer. She became still at my sudden movement and I could feel her reiatsu wash over me. I felt a slight twitch of reluctance when I pulled out the thin stack of papers and held it out. Nimbly she hopped over the back of the desk and took it from me. I leaned back in my chair and I felt her reiatsu retreat. Those papers, I eyed them with uncharacteristic spite, were transfer papers. I hadn't wanted to sign them, but I'd promised myself that'd I'd send her back after a month. I felt a vibration, that'd I'd grown accustomed to, ring out from her sword and her eyes lifted to me in disbelief.

"Nani...kore wa?" she whispered.

"Transfer papers," I said trying my best to be nonchalant. I folded my arms and leaned back in my chair, watching her closely. She chewed her lip fervently and her eyes shifted. "Nanda? Didn't you want to go back to the juichi-bantai?" I asked.

"Demo...I thought it'd be too much trouble..." she said, trailing off.

"Iie."

**(Marionette.)**

Had I become **that** much of a bother to him? I felt sadness twist my stomach. I'd thought everything had been going good. Maybe it was the beds?

_I knew he didn't want to sleep on the floor._ I thought miserably.

_Didn't you __**want**__ to return to the juichi-bantai?_ Hakuryuu asked curious, albeit, mysterious amusement.

_Well...not any more..._

_Then tell him that._

_But...I don't want to be in his way. If he __**wants**__ me to leave then—_

_Are you even __**reading**__ what he's feeling?_ Hakuryuu asked with a sigh. Tentatively I let my reiatsu creep towards him. I heard him tense slightly as my reiatsu overtook him. I could feel his eyes directed at me and a bitter tone in his reiatsu.

_He...__**doesn't**__ want me to leave?_

"I...don't want to," I whispered and I knew I sounded pathetically weak.

He grunted. "Don't stay if you think leaving will upset Ayako," I heard him said irritably.

"Iie!" I blurted, unable to stop myself. How could I say, that I didn't want to leave because I liked it how it was. I liked sharing a room with Toushirou. I liked our late night conversations and how, if his mood permitted, he'd tell me stories about the real world. He'd told me about a substitute shinigami and arrancar. And his reiatsu kept my nightmares at bay. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, my nerves bristling, my body burning with the fire in my nightmare and his reiatsu would fluctuate, without a hesitation and the fire would disappear. The nightmares had all but disappeared. And more than anything...I liked working with Toushirou. As much as I hated to admit it...I liked the peaceful silences of the office or when his body would lose some of it's tension when I got some tea for him. I didn't want to leave.

"I...I like it here...Taicho," I said softly and my pride wouldn't permit the outright truth.

He seemed surprised. "Sou desu ka?"

"Hai."

"Hn. Give me the papers then," he grumbled and I handed them back. His reiatsu seemed...uplifted somehow and I felt his reiatsu leak a tiny bit of smugness when he ripped the paper. I listened, savoring the sound. I grinned.

"Taicho?" I asked as innocently as possible.

"Nanda?"

"Can we go out sometime?"

I felt his reiatsu grow hot and I knew he was blushing. "W-what are you talking about?" he growled defensively.

"I want to see what you're like outside of the office," I said honestly. His reiatsu cooled down a bit and he hesitated.

"Che. I'm going out today, you might as well go with me," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Hontou ka?" I asked excitedly.

"H-hai," he seemed unsure but he regained his composure quickly, "get back to work."

My face fell. "Hai," I sang miserably and returned to my desk.

_Aw, it's kinda like a date~!_ Hakuryuu sang and I grimaced.

_Iie. It's definitely __**not**__ a date._

_Just because Ayako still likes him doesn't mean you—_

_It __**does**__ mean that I can't go for him. It means that he is most definitely __**out**__ of the question. Not that'd it'd matter...besides...it's not like I'm something he'd __**want**__._

_Some__**one**__._

_Some__**thing**__. I'm not a person. Not anymore._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Kami," I said and she blinked her focus coming to attention, "I'm leaving now."

She jumped up from her desk and trailed behind me as I crossed the room to the door. "So where're you going?" she asked.

"Tea shop," I grumbled.

"Huuuuh?"

"The Tea shop," I said flatly.

"Is that your only pastime? Taking naps and drinking tea?" she asked mockingly.

"Is there a problem with that?" I asked coldly.

"Iie...but it makes you look like an old man," she said with a shrug and I glared at her. She smirked and skipped ahead a bit. I watched her as she danced around in front of me, humming something under her breath before returning to my side when we passed a group of shinigami. The shinigami bowed respectively but frowned slightly when they saw her at my side. I tried my best to look dignified and professional as we passed them and I heard Kami snicker.

"Nanda?"

"Nandemonai," she sang and I glared, "so where is this tea shop, jii-sa—taicho?"

I froze. "What did you call me?"

"What are you talking about, taicho, are you losing your hearing too?" she asked politely.

I stared at her, searching for any evidence of her slip up before she began to seep giggles. I glared.

"You almost called me jii-san," I growled.

"Iie, iie," she protested, waving her hands in front of her face defensively.

"You did!" I growled.

"You're hearing things!"

"Iie, I heard it."

"I would _never_ be so rude," she gasped.

"Yes you would."

"To my beloved taicho? Uso da."

I raised an eyebrow. "**Beloved**?" I asked, slowly, dragging the word out.

"Hai~! My _beloved_ taicho," she said cheekily but looked away slightly and I saw a faint blush paint her cheeks.

"I hope you know," I said casually and began to walk again, "it's not good for subordinates to have crushes on their superiors."

"NANDATO?" she screeched. I smirked.

"Well, 'beloved' is a term of endearment, is it not?" I asked innocently knowing the word held several different uses.

"I was thinking more for like...a little kid," she scoffed.

"You're shorter than me," I retorted icily.

"Yeah, but I don't have a respect-complex," she drawled.

"I don't have a complex," I huffed.

"Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?"

"Iie," I said, growing irritated.

"Hmm...I'm running out of disorders," she mumbled.

"I don't **have** a disorder," I growled.

"Sure you do. Maybe you should take more naps, you might grow taller," she suggested.

"You can go back to the office if you'd like," I grumbled.

"Aw, Taicho, that's not nice," she teased.

"Turn left," I muttered. She hesitantly turned left and I walked past her into the Tea Shop. The old woman looked at me silently with a smile but it faltered slightly when she saw Kami.

"Another one?" she asked politely and my face reddened.

"They're both subordinates, Kyounaru-baa-san," I said bluntly.

"Ah, sou ka," she said pleasantly.

"Who are you talking about?" Kami whispered and my blush deepened.

"I brought Ayako here after she tried to drag me into some frilly café," I admitted.

"Oh?" I felt her reiatsu scan the stop curiously. Her reiatsu landed on Kyounaru and she smiled.

"Konnichiwa, I'm Kurohime Kami," she said and Kyounaru smiled.

"Kyounaru Tatsu."

"Hajime mashite," Kami said and I eyed her suspiciously. Kami usually wasn't this out front with strangers.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Kyounaru asked suddenly, her voice soft.

Kami hesitated, her body stiffening. "I-iie," she stammered.

"Ah, forgive me, please, have a seat," she said, ushering us to a table. I continued to study Kami and I knew she could feel my eyes on her. When Kyounaru disappeared to put the tea on, I focused on her intently.

"**Do** you know her?" I asked suspiciously.

"Iie."

"You **do** know I know when you're lying right?" I pointed out.

No answer.

I sighed.

"Dozo," Kyounaru murmured and set the cups in front of us.

"Arigatou," we said in unison. She leaned over to whisper something in my ear.

"She's a keeper. I like her better than the last one."

**(Marionette.)**

I felt Toushirou's face flush and his reiatsu leaked his embarrassment. I hadn't heard what Kyounaru whispered but judging by the blush it must've been something bad. She slipped away and Toushirou struggled to regain his composure.

"Oh, sou danna, Taicho..." I suddenly remembered something and I knew I'd caught his attention.

"Nanda?"

"I have to see Kurotsuchi-taicho tomorrow," I said.

"Why?"

"Check up," I mumbled. I felt him watch me suspiciously.

"I don't want him messing around with you," he said sternly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want him experimenting on you," he said coldly and took a sip of tea.

"Oh..." I trailed off, not sure if I should tell him I'd already been experimented on.

"It's illegal—" Toushirou continued.

"I'm not human," I objected softly.

"You're human in my eyes and as your taicho, I won't allow it," he said firmly and my eyes widened.

_...in...his eyes?_

"...arigatou..." I murmured. He scoffed.

"Don't be stupid. It's common sense."

"Hai."

We finished our tea in silence as I mulled over his words.

_A monster like me doesn't deserve to be this lucky. _

* * *

******Review review review it keeps my motivation up! And thanks to everyone who reviewed last time, you guys are amazing :D**

**Dictionary:**

**nani...kore wa?- what...is this?**

**jii-san -old man (grandpa)**

**baa-san -old woman (granny)**

**oh, sou danna- oh, that's right**


	13. Nightmares

**Author: Yay, updatesupdatesupdates :D I probably won't update much during the week but weekends will be lotsa updates hopefully 8D**

**OMG D: I HATE HOMEWORK. especially math cause it takes a long time cause it's sooo boring D: I feel yer pain, Choco-san :[ and yay!!! I got comment from a non-regular XD (i do love my regular reviewers but new people are always welcome XD ) i'm so glad you like the story, Touketsuhara-san~! :D **

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_Nightmares._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Taicho?"

"Yes?" In the darkness of the room I saw her lean over the edge of the bed to face me.

"What do you look like?" she asked. I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes. I _really_ wanted to sleep.

"Can we talk about this some other time?" I grumbled.

"O-oh, sumimasen," she murmured somewhat dejectedly. I sighed.

"I have...white hair, tanned skin, teal eyes, and I'm short," I said curtly, hoping that would help.

"Ano...taicho?"

"Nanda?" I asked frustrated.

"I don't know colors..."

"..."

_Are you sure you're a genius?_ Hyourinmaru asked mockingly.

Sighing, again, I sat up on the futon. She backed up slightly, still leaning over the edge of the bed. I could make out the vague outline of her silhouette and her hair tumbled into her face. "Here," I said, taking her hand. She flinched slightly as I took her hand and gently laid it on my face. Tentatively her fingers shifted to touch over my eyes. Her fingers were pleasantly warm, not uncomfortably hot like I usually found other people's skin, and she gingerly outlined my eyes, marking their shape. Her fingers ran over my eyebrows and down the slope of my nose. After a hesitant moment she ran her fingertips over my lips and I stiffened. Hastily she curled her hand over my jaw. She ran her thumb over my cheekbone before I heard her smile slightly.

"...handsome," she murmured and my cheeks flushed. Her hand snatched back and she leaned away and I coughed.

"Satisfied?" I grunted, ignoring her uncontrolled comment.

"A-arigatou," she whispered. I dropped down onto the futon and tried to force back the blush that was taking over my face. I didn't say anything and turned as I tried to get comfortable.

"Taicho?" I sighed.

"Nanda, Kami?" I really just wanted to sleep and I struggled to keep my embarrassment from my voice. It must've come across as irritation and I heard her catch her breath as she turned in my direction.

"Can I sleep on the floor?"

"Why?"

"Because...you always seem stiff...when you wake up," she murmured. I sighed.

"I'm not letting you sleep on the floor," I said firmly.

"Please."

"Iie." I heard a shuffling before her pale legs slid over the edge of the bed. My eyes widened and could feel heat rising in my body. She knelt beside me, her jagged hair slipping over her one shoulder.

"If you don't move, I'm sleeping beside you," she said and I cringed.

"Y-you're not allowed," I said hoarsely and she chuckled before sliding in beside me. I jumped backwards to the other side of the futon. She grinned devilishly.

"Neee, Taicho~! You're awfully easy to unnerve for a _taicho_," she purred and curled up beside me **underneath** the covers. I felt her smooth skin brush against mine and I froze. "Lie down or get up on the bed," she ordered. I frowned. There was a hidden challenge in her words and I knew it'd either be that I'd defy her and sleep next to her or do what she expected me to do, and that would be to surrender to her and take the bed. I grunted and lay down beside her. She stiffened and I smirked. I stretched out beside her, curling up on my stomach and she slowly relaxed into the mattress.

"Oyasumi nasai," she whispered.

"Oyasumi."

* * *

I felt something hot and uncomfortable pressed against me. My eyes fluttered open. It was still night. I propped myself up on my elbows, only to have something heavy on my chest. I looked down. Through the dark I was able to make out the look of pain on Kami's face. Her face was buried in my bare chest and her arms were curled around my waist partially.

"Make...it stop," she pleaded, her voice thick with sleep.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I didn't realize, initially, that she was still asleep. She was having another nightmare. I brushed her bangs out of her face. I frowned. She was sweating and her limbs were twitching as her nightmare ran its course. "Kami," I murmured. I was becoming more and more awake. Her fingernails dug into my back and she cried out in pain. "Shh, it's okay," I grumbled and my reiatsu began to chill the air out of habit. Something wet dripped onto my stomach. She was crying. My eyes widened. That hadn't happened before. She whimpered as her nightmare escalated. My heartbeat sped up. She was in pain and I couldn't stop it. I hugged her tightly, wrapping my arms around her shaking shoulders. I wanted to do **something**. _Anything_. "Kami?" I begged, getting slightly desperate.

_Should I wake her?_ I'd heard that you shouldn't wake people having nightmares or night terrors. I brushed the stubborn bangs from her face and rocked her gently. Why was I so upset? I wasn't thinking clearly enough to ponder on the question but I _did_ know that the expression on her face was filling my stomach with dread.

**(Marionette.)**

"_Don't worry, Kami-chan, this won't hurt a bit," a teasing voice crooned._

"_Yada. I don't want to do this anymore. Please," I whimpered._

"_But we're not finished with the experiment. We have to make sure fire can't burn you...well...not irreparably."_

_The fire flared, curling around my skin, burning and eating the flesh in its path. I screamed. I wanted it to stop. "STOP!" I screamed, "MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!" I begged. I was so tired of the pain, the endless pain. "I don't want to do it anymore," I sobbed, tears coursing down my cheeks. There was an unforgettable laughter ringing in my ears before it fell short and eyes hidden behind flashing glasses turned to me._

"_Is this how you're going to repent for what you did to Ayako? __**My**__ Ayako?" He growled and my heart sank. Ayako. Ayako. For Ayako. My dear, dear Ayako._

"_G-gomen nasai," I sobbed, surrendering to the hungry flames and biting back my sobs._

"_I'll make you into a good child, again."_

* * *

I woke up with a gasp, my hands grabbing onto the first solid object and my reiatsu going haywire. I was sobbing, I realized, tears streamed down my face and I could feel someone stroking my hair. I was being rocked, a little awkwardly but it was soothing and slowly my tears ceased.

"Kami?" I heard Toushirou murmur and I froze. I realized that my arms were wrapped around him and my face was pressed against the cool skin of his chest. I didn't want to let go of the only comfort I had but I knew he was uncomfortable. I pulled back, quickly, and rubbed my cheeks with the heels of my hands.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I've disturbed you, please—"

"Calm down," he ordered, cutting off my near-hysterical rambling. I fell silent immediately. It felt better having him take control of the situation. I felt his rough hand cup my cheek and he turned my face towards him. Gently he wiped away the tears I'd missed with the back of his hand. "It's alright," he whispered through my hiccups and desperate breathing, "I'm here, nothing's going to happen to you."

"I—I'm sorry, I...—you're probably, I should," my jumbled thoughts were showing through my words. I heard him sigh and he moved suddenly, lifting me as he stood and carried me the short distance to the bed. He set me down on the bed and the sudden panic that he'd leave me overwhelmed my mind and I began to cry hysterically again. He stiffened in surprise as I wrapped my arms around his waist and begged, through sobs, not to let go. He hovered over me for a moment before his body weighed down on me slightly before he rolled onto his side, his arms still wrapped around me. I curled up into his chest instinctively. His fingers trailed through my hair and his lips pressed to the crown of my head. He held me tightly whispering things that I didn't hear into my hair. Eventually my shaking began to die down and my eyes were growing heavy. I smothered my face into Toushirou's chest, to the point where I could barely breathe, but I was scared to fall asleep. Scared to relive the nightmares and scared of that haunting, maniacal laugh.

"I won't let go," Toushirou said firmly.

"Promise?" I whispered, my voice raw.

"I promise."

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I could feel her drifting off in my arms. Sleep was weighing down on me as well but I refused to sleep until she'd fallen asleep. Eventually her face nodded to the side. I could feel her deep breathing on the curve of my neck. I wouldn't let go. I'd promised not to let her go and I wasn't about to break it.

_She fits in your arms rather well._ Hyourinmaru commented with sarcastic weariness.

_Hn._ I was too tired to reply. I could feel my own head nodding. I could feel her hair tickling my nose but I managed to ignore it. I was beginning to nod off. Sleep was taking over. I made sure she was curled comfortably beside me before I settled my arm over the gentle curve of her waist. I let my hand splay over the small of her back.

"I won't let go," I mumbled before the room disappeared into total darkness.

**(Marionette.)**

I could feel something warm against me, holding me, protecting me. I opened my eyes slowly, savoring the feeling of the moment. The scent hit me before I'd managed to get my reiatsu under control. I smelled green tea. A smile curled the corner of my lips.

Toushirou.

I tightened my arms around his waist. I didn't want to let go. I loved the feeling of him against me. His arms were around me, protecting me.

"_I won't let go."_

I pulled my arm that wasn't pinned between Toushirou's and my chest and brushed my fingertips across his cheek. So smooth. So perfect. I ached to run my fingers over every inch of skin.

_He's Ayako's._ I reminded myself. I half expected Hakuryuu to make a comment but she was still asleep. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath of his scent.

"Taicho," I whispered. But he didn't stir. I could feel the weariness in his body. He was still extremely tired. I sighed. I couldn't wake him. I nestled my face back into the crook of his neck, begging for sleep, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. I decided that I would wait for him to wake on his own. I knew it wouldn't take long. It was like he had some internal clock. Judging by the amount of sunlight he'd be awake in an hour or so.

_Oh, I have to go see Kurotsuchi today._ I remembered, thinking about what had to be done today. No doubt there'd be a new pile of work on my desk when I got up. Toushirou's workload would be even bigger.

_Hakuryuu..._ I called.

_Mhgn?_

_I need you to wake up._

_Whyyy?_

_I'm going to do half of Toushirou's work._ I said. She groaned and I could feel her becoming more and more lucid. Carefully I worked Toushirou's arm off of my waist and pulled away from him. He shivered at the sudden loss of warmth and I pulled the covers over him. I hesitated for a moment.

_I don't deserve someone like you._ I could hear his slow, deep breathing as I hovered at the edge of the bed. I wanted to crawl back into bed, curl up under the warm covers beside Toushirou but I knew that I'd feel bad about changing my decision later. I wanted to feel his breath brushing past his lips, his hand curled against the place where I'd been, but I knew he'd feel my reiatsu if I leaked it. I crept over to Hakuryuu who I'd rested on Toushirou's desk and immediately she began to lead me through the room. We made it to the door and I slipped into the hall.

_I'm surprised you're up this early._ Hakuryuu grumbled.

_Me too._ I laughed. Hakuryuu sighed and we walked into the office. Sure enough the stack paper on Toushirou's desk had grown by at least half a meter. I sighed.

_You __**really**__ want to do half of his work?_ Hakuryuu sighed. Gathering up my willpower I crossed the room to the pile. I hesitated. I **hated** paperwork. I **loathed** it. I reallyreallyreally didn't want to do it. I thought about how tired Toushirou had been and how he'd protected me after my nightmare last night.

_There's no way I __**can't**__ do this._ I thought firmly and took three-quarters off of his stack. I had just as much paperwork on my desk but I ignored it. I set it down and we set to work.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Light flooded behind my eyelids and I opened them slowly.

_Kami!_ My eyes snapped open and I sat up. The bed was empty and I glanced around, scratching the back of my head confused. _Where did she go?_ I wondered anxiously. I jumped out of bed. Just **what** time was it? I pulled on a kosode over my shoulders and tied it loosely. I picked up Hyourinmaru and walked out into the hall.

"Oh, Taicho~!" Matsumoto said cheerily.

"Matsumoto? Where the hell have you been?" I growled. She pouted.

"How mean, you don't even say hello," she whined.

"Have you seen Kami?" I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

"Yup."

"Where?" I asked.

"In the office. You're cruel, making a girl sleep on the couch," she said, giving me a mild glare.

"Huh?" I opened the doors to the office and sure enough, Kami was curled up on the couch with her zanpakutou hugged to her chest. I felt heat rise in my cheeks when my eyes skimmed over the spot where her large kosode had ridden up on her thigh. I turned around to face the wall. "Matsumoto..." I trailed off and she giggled.

"Just a minute, Taicho, you're so childish," she said giggling and danced off to Kami's side. "Kami-chan?" she cooed.

"Ngh?" Kami muttered irritably.

"The couch is not a place for you to sleep, especially half dressed," I growled, my face still flushed.

"Urusei," she grumbled and I turned to go to my desk. My eyes scanned over my desk, not believing what I saw.

"Wait..." my voice trailed off.

"Nan desu ka, Taicho~?" Matsumoto asked.

"Where's...all my paperwork?" I asked softly. I turned to Kami's desk that was stacked with completed paperwork and I turned to Kami who was leaning against Matsumoto as she started to doze off again. "Kami?"

"Mm?"

"Did you finish all my paperwork?" I asked incredulously.

"Mhm," she was falling slack against Matsumoto.

_She hasn't gotten enough sleep..._ I thought and walked over to the couch. "What time is it?"

"About ten a.m.," Matsumoto answered.

"What time did you get up?" I asked Kami and shook her shoulder slightly. She blinked, forcing herself to stay awake.

"Like...five hours ago," she mumbled.

"How did you finish it all?" Matsumoto asked, horrified. She shrugged but her eyes fell closed.

"It's easy if you put your mind to it and don't stop for any breaks," she mumbled and she slipped forward. I appeared in front of her and caught her before she hit the couch. I laid her down carefully.

"Matsumoto, go get her some shorts," I mumbled and Matsumoto disappeared before returning seconds later with tight black shorts. I turned away as Matsumoto slid them up Kami's legs. When she was done I sat beside Kami on the couch. I was worried she'd have another nightmare and I wouldn't be there for her but I had to leave for the captain's meeting in an hour. I stood up after a minute. I had to get ready. "Call me if she starts to have a nightmare," I said curtly.

"A nightmare?" she asked surprised. I nodded.

"She had one last night so I doubt she'll have another one tonight, but I want to know immediately if she shows any signs of having another," I turned to walk out of the office.

"You care about her," Matsumoto commented and my eyes widened.

"If she has a nightmare, she'll hurt herself," I said coldly. I heard Matsumoto smile but I ignored it and disappeared into the hallway.

* * *

**REVIEW MY LOVELY READERS :D**

**...**

**omg.**

**omfg.**

**THERES NO DICTIONARY O:**

**(i don't think...please tell me if i missed one i haven't already given a defintion for :| )**


	14. Memories of Regret

**Author: yay, this is a long chapter...ummmmmm...it'll _probably_ be confusing so I just want to say, that I'll clear it up later so just go with it because i am very horrible at memory stuff because i get bored and its tedious......**

**Saiko: you have to put more cute scenes with Kami and Toushirou-kun, i agree with erina-san, that it's great how Toushirou-kun is become more affectionate.**

**Kami: o///////o**

**Ayako: hmph. I don't like it at all.**

**Author: waitwaitwait terserah-san, i don't understand what you meant!! T_____T im horrible a flashbacks so i hope i havent made you dislike Kami D:**

**Saiko: i think you should go to bed....**

**Author: butbutbut, what if i've made Kami into..into...wait...what's it called?**

**Ayako: Mary Sue...i think?**

**Author: OMFG KAMI ARE YOU A MARY SUE?!**

**Kami: isn't that an type of alcoholic drink? :\**

**Saiko: ... =_____=;**

* * *

_Memories of Regret._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Taicho, I have to go to see Kurotsuchi-taicho later today," Kami informed me and I nodded from my spot on the couch. She fell silent and I heard her move some things around her desk.

"You didn't have to do my paperwork," I said. I opened my eyes when she stopped moving.

"I woke you up last night and you were tired," she mumbled before adding teasingly, "kids need sleep to grow."

I glared at her. "I'm taller than you, which means_ you're_ the one that needs more sleep," I growled.

She laughed softly. "I won't get taller," she murmured almost sadly. I watched her stand up and walk over to the couch where I was sitting. She sat down beside me then shifted into a laying position with her head on my lap.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked and my face reddened. She chuckled but she didn't answer. Slowly I willed myself to relax and she smiled. I held my cup of tea over her, careful not to spill it. "You're an odd girl," I grumbled under my breath.

"You're an odd boy," she mumbled and I scoffed but I couldn't keep a smile from tugging at my lips. I sat, surprisingly, comfortable. I actually didn't mind her lying on me and, without realizing, my hand rested on the curve of her hip. I took a sip of tea before letting my eyes rest on Kami. I couldn't tell if she was asleep or not so I didn't say anything.

_I wonder how she came to be like this..._ I wondered.

_Maybe you should ask?_ Hyourinmaru commented.

_It isn't my business..._

_She might __**want**__ you to make it your business though..._ Hyourinmaru said. I was about to reply when Kami shifted. I froze, thinking she might be having another nightmare. But instead she rolled over and pressed her face to my stomach. I breathed a sigh of relief and her lips pressed against my stomach. I realized my hand now rested on the small of her back and, flushed, I pulled it away but after a moment I found there was no other comfortable place for me to put my hand and reluctantly returned it to her back. She mumbled something under her breath but I only caught one word.

"...Toushirou..."

_She's having a dream about me?_ I thought and I couldn't stop a smile from creeping onto my lips. I'd be sure to tease her about it later. I looked over my shoulder to the teapot sitting on my desk then back to my empty cup. I grimaced. I needed more tea but I didn't want to disturb Kami. With a sigh I managed to take off my haori without waking Kami and draped it over her. I tucked it around her before gently lifting her and inching away. I set her back down on the couch before I walked over to the desk.

_I wonder if she'll tell me about her past?_

_Maybe you should tell her yours first._ Hyourinmaru suggested.

_My past is unimportant._

_**Baka.**_The voice caught me off-guard. It wasn't Hyourinmaru but it was familiar. My eyes widened when I remembered it was the same voice as the one I'd heard the night where Ayako attempted to kill Kami. I turned, my eyes flickering around the room before landing on Kami's zanpakutou. It was propped against the couch casually. I glanced at Hyourinmaru that was sheathed on my back and frowned. I walked over to the katana and picked it up carefully.

_How...can I hear you?_ I wondered.

The voice chuckled faintly but gave no answer.

"Shiro-chan?" A voice asked and I jumped, nearly dropping the katana.

"Hinamori!" I exclaimed. I'd been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't even felt her reiatsu. "You're back!"

"Yup! I got back a few hours ago," she said happily and I saw her eyes flicker from me the couch. I knew she couldn't see Kami from the doorway but felt the reiatsu that Kami leaked unconsciously. Her eyes looked me up and down before she frowned in confusion. "Where's your haori?" she asked. I fought down the heat that threatened to rise in my cheeks. When my eyes instinctively flickered to Kami she peeked over the back of the couch. Her lips formed a small 'o' before she smiled.

"Kawaii~! I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Shiro-chan!" she said happily but was careful to be quiet.

I couldn't stop the blush this time.

"Chigau, Hinamori! She's my new sanseki! And it's _Hitsugaya-taicho_!" I argued. She giggled.

"Demoooo, you guys would look so cute together~!"

"Urusei, bedwetter," I growled.

"Aw, don't be mean Shiro-chan, I just got back!"

"It's **Hitsugaya-taicho**," I said firmly and she laughed.

**(Marionette.)**

Slowly my eyes opened and I realized I'd fallen asleep. I jumped up and something tumbled off my shoulders. I rubbed my eyes and instinctively my reiatsu flooded the room. There was an unfamiliar squeak when my reiatsu touched someone I didn't recognize.

"Taicho?" I asked confused.

"You're awake, Kami?" I heard Toushirou question lazily.

"H-hai...sumimasen..." I mumbled.

"It's fine, but I'd like my haori back," he said boredly. I frowned.

_His haori? What's he talking about?_ My reiatsu scanned the room before I realized he'd used his haori as a blanket and it was now partially tangled around my waist. Quickly I pulled it off and slid off the couch. I handed it to him and scanned his desk. He had more paperwork but for some reason he'd ignored it. I blinked. He **ignored** his paperwork? My reiatsu shifted to the girl that sat in the chair he'd pulled up to the side of his desk and I studied her silently.

"Please forgive my rudeness, but may I ask who this is?" I asked stiffly. If Toushirou noticed he didn't say anything.

"Hinamori Momo," he said nonchalantly. I cringed inwardly at the name. Was she really that important to him that he'd actually _neglect_ his paperwork? He didn't do that for **anyone**.

"Kurohime Kami, hajime mashite," I said curtly. I could tell Toushirou knew I was talking to Hinamori even though I didn't face her while she seemed confused.

"H-hajime mashite," she stammered. I sighed and moved to take the paperwork off his desk. His hand caught my wrist.

"What're you doing?" he asked suspiciously.

"You're busy, you have a guest," I said surprised.

"You've done enough today," he said firmly.

"I have nothing to do till my appointment later today, so you might as well let me do it," I argued. I could tell he wanted to let me do it but I also knew it was against his morals.

"Iie."

"Don't be such an idiot, Taicho," I said and yanked my wrist from his grasp. He seemed surprised at my bluntness. I ignored his confusion and took the pile of papers and carried it over to my desk.

"Shiro-chan?" Hinamori murmured and I bit my lip.

_They're old friends, she allowed to call him that,_ I told myself. I picked Hakuryuu up and set her on the desk next to the stack of papers. Hakuryuu didn't say anything but I could tell she was watching my emotions with amusement. I kept my reiatsu out, taking in every movement of the room. My reiatsu landed on the thick slices of watermelon that I hadn't noticed and forced myself to ignore it. They began to talk again, about old times and every now and then she would giggle and I would feel him smirk. I heard a couple of things that came close to what you'd call a chuckle nearly escape his lips. I flinched every time. It took a lot just to get him to _smirk_ let alone smile and yet she seemed to pull these things from him with ease. It stung. Deeply. I forced myself to focus on the paperwork but every now and then I'd be drawn into their conversation or I'd begin to think about how perfect the watermelon was. I _really_ liked watermelon.

_Just ask for some._ Hakuryuu sighed when I started to salivate again.

_No, that'd be rude._ I argued.

_He won't care. You __**know**__ he won't._ She said, irritated by my lack of boldness.

_Yes he will because he's talking with __**Hinamori**__ and I'll be interrupting. _I said and her name reeked of distaste.

_Jealous?_ Hakuryuu teased slyly.

_Why would I be jealous? It's not like he's mine. He's Ayako's! I have no interest in him. It's just if he's interested in her he should make that clear. For Ayako I mean. It's not fair to me—her I mean...yeah. I mean, if __**she**__ was sitting here she'd be totally upset about how he's completely ignoring everything but Hinamori and they're smiling and talking about everything that makes them laugh._ I blurted defensively and Hakuryuu began to laugh hysterically.

_You're __**so**__ full of bullshit!_ She gasped between bursts of laughter.

_DAMARE. I am not!_ I argued but I knew she didn't buy it. _I_ didn't buy it. Was I jealous? Jealous of a girl I knew nothing about. I thought about the way that Toushirou's voice got soft whenever he talked about her and the teasing way he was talking to her now. I frowned. _Iie. It's not possible._ I decided. _Besides, I don't deserve the kindness he shows me..._

_Give it up already! _Hakuryuu snapped, startling me.

_What do you mean?_

_It wasn't your fault that Ayako was injured, we figured that out already, and she..._ she trailed off when she felt my body tense. _That wasn't your fault either._ She said softly. I knew what she was talking about. Not the resistance to fire that took place frequently in my nightmares, but the _other_ thing. The person I pushed far back in my mind and never dug it up. _That _day held my true sin. This body was my punishment for those things I would never speak of.

"Oi, Kami," Toushirou called and my head jerked in his direction.

"Want some?" I felt him lift the plate of watermelon and I bit my lip. It felt _sooo_ perfect.

"I-iie," I lied. He grunted and I bent over my work, desperate to focus my thoughts on something else.

"Kami," he said firmly.

"Wha—"

He cut me off by stuffing a chunk of watermelon in my mouth. I coughed and he snorted.

"If you want some, just say so," he said and left the plate on my desk before returning to his desk.

"Ah...arigatou..." I murmured and began to munch on the fruit delicately. He returned to their conversation casually and Hinamori stammered before falling back into the topic they'd been talking about before and I blocked them out. The watermelon quenched some of my anger and irritation but as soon as I was finished and the last sheet of paperwork was completed I couldn't stop it from bubbling up again. I figured I might as well go see Kurotsuchi a little early. I stood up and stumbled, suddenly dizzy. My reiatsu twisted with my unease and I became unbalanced. I leaned on the edge of my desk.

"Kami?" Toushirou asked concerned.

"Nan...demonai, Taicho," I murmured and moved to walk. A searing pain sliced through my chest and I gasped and clutched my heart. My heartbeat was unbelievably fast and I could hear the pulse in my ears as the pain crept to every inch of my body. I felt my limbs convulse and I heard Toushirou call my name faintly. Everything went black.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

Kami seemed upset about something. I didn't know what it was but she sat at her desk, her back perfectly straight, and her eyes never moved as her hand moved across the page. I wondered if maybe it had something to do with her appointment with Kurotsuchi later today but I couldn't be sure.

I wanted to hear her speak. She let a lot of emotions into her voice whether she realized it or not but I didn't know what I should talk to her about. Hinamori and I were deep in a conversation that Kami would have no interest in and there was nothing...my eyes landed on the plate of watermelon Hinamori had brought with her.

"Oi, Kami," I called, cutting Hinamori off. Her head jerked up and I held up the plate. "Want some?" I saw her face twist as she tried to hide her blatant longing.

"I-iie," she murmured but I could tell she wanted some desperately. I sighed. She probably thought she'd be rude if she took some. I sighed and stood, carrying the plate to her desk.

"Kami," I said firmly.

"Wha—" I cut her off by pushing a piece of watermelon into her mouth with a triumphant smirk.

"If you want some, just say so," I said and she blinked. I set the plate down on her desk and returned to my seat across from Hinamori who was watching me with wide eyes.

"Ah...arigatou..." I heard Kami mumble and I reclined in my chair. Hinamori turned slightly and saw Kami completely engrossed in her work.

"You gave her **all** the watermelon?" she whispered, her eyes wide. I blinked.

"Huh?"

"You_ never_ give away watermelon!" she whispered. I shrugged, casting it off as nothing important.

"I share with you don't I?" I asked lazily. Before she could answer, Kami set the last piece of paper on the pile and stood up, only to stumble and lean on the desk for support. I frowned.

"Kami?" I asked.

"Nan...demonai, Taicho" she murmured, struggling to remain upright. Her reiatsu was uncontrolled and wobbly. Suddenly she gasped and a look of pain took over her eyes. Her hand sought for her chest just above the heart and she cringed. She convulsed and my heartbeat sped up.

_What's going on?!_

"Kami!" I called but she didn't answer. She dropped to the floor.

"Kami-chan!" Hinamori cried. I was beside her in a flash. Another hour and she would've been with Kurotsuchi. I cursed.

"Stay here," I ordered.

"Demo—"

"Hinamori," I said coldly and she stiffened, "." she bowed her head, not used to me taking that tone with her. I felt guilty but I knew that Kami wouldn't want her with us. I gathered Kami's limp body in my arms and left. I needed to get to Kurotsuchi as soon as possible.

* * *

"Omoishiroi," Kurotsuchi murmured, taking her from my arms.

"What?" I asked, following him. He gave me an irritated look but allowed me to follow him into the room.

"Nemu, set up the equipment," he ordered harshly.

"Hai, Mayuri-sama."

"What happened?" I asked, irked that I hadn't received an answer. Kurotsuchi didn't seem particularly unnerved by her state and I forced myself to calm down a bit. He laid her down on the table and Nemu brought over a trolley with several wires. Kurotsuchi taped two to her temples, almost routinely, and several to pressure points on her body.

"I have a theory, but I'm going to have to look at her memories to confirm it," he mumbled, more to himself than me. The massive computer screen behind him flickered and jumbled images began to appear on the screen. I watched.

"Wait, these are her memories?" I asked.

"The stupid girl always makes me start from the beginning," Kurotsuchi muttered irritably. I watched.

"Kuro...tsuchi...-taicho," Kami murmured.

"Urusei, child. Keep your strength," he snapped.

"Demo," she mumbled.

"Enough, he has to find out one day, doesn't he?" my eyes widened when Kurotsuchi said this. Find out what? My eyes traveled to Kami's face and I felt her reiatsu focus directly on me. I could feel her reading every movement, every feeling. I sighed. I turned back to the screen and saw her cringe out of the corner of my eye. The screen became fuzzy as Kami attempted to force back the memories.

"Enough of this," Kurotsuchi ordered, pressing his fingers to the side of her neck, knocking her out. The images sharpened and I could see Ayako and Saiko. The movements were jerky and I frowned. "You're seeing this through Kami's eyes," Kurotsuchi grumbled and turned to fiddle with some equipment. I guessed he'd already seen this many times.

The memory was silent but I could tell by the golden haze that coated everything this was one of her happier moments. Ayako, Saiko, and her seemed to be in a large garden. They were running around and they'd fall into soundless laugher. I smiled. I could tell she was having fun. They were pretending to be warriors to some extent.

Suddenly, Kami's eyes jerked towards a house that she hadn't looked at before. It was fairly decent and I assumed that's they house that they'd lived in, in Rukongai. A man walked out of the house. He was pasty with glasses, old clothes, and messy hair.

"Hozumi Kanaye," Kurotsuchi informed me, reclining in his chair. I frowned. Ayako's father. He said something and Kami ran towards him but not before glancing at Ayako and Saiko. Both wore bright grins and they ran inside. He'd made snacks. I frowned. Kami ate a lot, unlike now. She barely ate anything. They seemed to be arguing over the last piece of watermelon, well, Kami and Ayako were. Finally Saiko reached over and snapped it in two, giving each a piece. The memory switched.

It was raining heavily. The streets were muddy and rain ran into Kami's eyes making the image blurry. I could just make out Saiko and Ayako through Kami's spinning. They were dancing, laughing, running in the rain. Kurotsuchi sighed in annoyance.

"There's a lot of rain memories," he answered when I shot him a questioning look.

"I didn't know she liked the rain," I said quietly.

"I'm sure there's a lot about her you don't know," Kurotsuchi said haughtily. I shot him a glare and when my eyes returned to the screen it'd changed again. The screen was odd. There was a red haze lingering around the edges of the screen. In the center was a boy, scrawny build, matted brown hair, kind hazel eyes, and both Saiko and Ayako were talking to him. For some reason, Kami was further away. The red haze remained.

"What is that?"

"It happens when she's angry. You'll see later on it mingles with green when she gets jealous," Kurotsuchi stated blandly.

"Why's she angry?"

"Oh? You don't know who that is?" Kurotsuchi asked and a knowing grin took over his face. I shook my head before my eyes widened.

"Wait...masaka...is that...Dairen?" I asked incredulously.

"So you _do_ know who it is."

I stared at the screen intently. Kami moved closer to Ayako and Ayako turned to her with a look of annoyance. She said something before turning back to Dairen hastily. The redness grew and Kami left the room. She didn't bother glancing at Saiko who'd been sitting on Dairen's other side. She walked down the hall and a door opened. Kanaye stepped out. He looked down at Kami with a mild look of acknowledgement but continued past her. I realized he didn't seem interested in anyone other than his daughter. The scene changed.

Dirt. Kami was staring at the ground as she walked. She was walking slowly too, for that matter. She looked up at the sky to where dark clouds were forming. Her spirits lifted before darkening almost immediately after. She reached the house and took off her shoes. The haze turned blue. No one game to greet her.

"That's sadness," Kurotsuchi grumbled. I nodded. It made sense. She felt abandoned. I looked back to Kami's sleeping form. Seeing this made me sad. I edged closer to her and rested a hand on her shoulder before turning back to the screen. She was walking through the house, looking around, tripping over things, before finally she heard something and began to run to the back of the house. She threw open the door and my eyes widened. I could see Saiko curled in the corner of the room in the middle was...

"Is that...?" I trailed off, unable to ask the question.

"That is Dairen's body after he was murdered by Hozumi Ayako," Kurotsuchi confirmed lazily. I glanced at him to find his head propped on one hand, completely unfazed. I watched as Kami inched around the body. When she saw his mangled face my stomach churned and Kami whirled around and vomited. It didn't even look like Dairen anymore. His face had been mauled and twisted. She crept over to Saiko whose face jerked up. Her eyes were wide with fear and tears began to spill down her cheeks. She reached for Kami like she was an anchor, something strong to hold onto.

_So this is where it began._ I thought grimly. This is where Kami became the grounder, the strong one to protect everyone.

Kami took Saiko up onto the roof where it'd begun to rain. I could barely make out the silhouette of Ayako. I saw Kami draw her katana when she saw Ayako holding hers. Ayako said something and Kami flinched. She set Saiko down and moved to the side, unsure of what to do. The outline was yellow.

"Fear," Kurotsuchi said when he saw me glance at the color change. I nodded but didn't take my eyes off the screen. She was terrified. The yellow was pulsing and she shook slightly. There were muddled images, almost as if parts had been cut out, and suddenly Kami was looking down at Ayako. The edge of her katana had dug into Ayako's stomach. The scene changed.

I looked to Kami. This was the part she didn't want me to see. This was the part I didn't know about. Kami was looking down into terrified eyes, blue eyes, pleading eyes, eyes that asked for forgiveness. I watched in horror as Kami lifted her sword above the young girl.

"Kurotsuchi, what is this?" I cried. He shrugged.

"She refuses to say. All she said was 'Saiko was more important than anything in the world'," Kurotsuchi said, "there's a gap between the time of Dairen's death and this last memory. She's forced it so far in the back of her mind my machines can't even read it." He appeared more frustrated than concerned. Kami tilted the sharp edge of her katana towards the girl who'd begun to sob. She reached for Kami but Kami stepped back. The girl cried out, silently, and the image turned black for a moment. She'd closed her eyes. After a moment she opened them. When she saw the little girl bleeding her eyes shifted to her crimson blade. She turned and vomited.

_That girl...who was she? _

"This is the first memory where she's lost her eyesight," Kurotsuchi announced and I glanced at the screen. It was white but the haze around the outside had become hectic. Kami's breath was shuddery and I absentmindedly ran my fingers through her hair. Swirls of colors danced across the screen, as her emotions became the only thing the machine could interpret. Then, suddenly, there were spots of blue, laid out like a blueprint

"From here on her memories are logged in emotion changes. When she first felt the energy on the computer she was confused but those blue spots can be read as reiatsu patterns. This," he motioned to a specific reiatsu marker, "is Saiko. This is apparently Saiko and Kami's enrollment in the academy. Next is when we met."

The emotions changed to fear, confusion, to finally, acceptance.

As the colors swirled my mind remained fixated on the little blonde girl. She looked no older than seven. My stomach curled with dread. Kami had killed her. I knew there must be a full story behind it but I just couldn't believe that Kami, who put _everyone_ before herself, was actually capable of killing someone so mercilessly. I glanced at her face. She seemed to be in pain. The logical part of me said that it was befitting. It was appropriate for someone who killed someone so vulnerable to be in pain. But I knew I would never be able to convince myself into believing it. Kami didn't deserve it.

"Omoishiroi," Kurotsuchi grinned. I glanced at the screen. There was a single overpowering reiatsu marker.

"Who is that?" I questioned. The pattern took up the entire screen. It was the only thing Kami was focused on. I half expected it to be Saiko and I felt a spark of annoyance.

"You really are a stupid child," Kurotsuchi sneered, "it's **you**." My eyes widened and for next few memory changes my reiatsu was always present and always vibrant. I watched in awe. Was I really that important to Kami? My heartbeat sped up and colors danced around the edge of the screen.

"What emotion is that?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Happiness, contentment..." he trailed off and studied the screen with amusement. I felt warm and I glanced at Kami. "Ooh, what's this?" he murmured excitedly and I turned to the screen. I could see my reiatsu and someone else's and red and green filled the majority of the screen. Jealousy? Anger? I was confused. When was this? When had Kami been this upset? "Omoishiroi. You seem to have made her very upset," Kurotsuchi grinned and he tapped away on his computer. "So it was _her_," Kurotsuchi said knowingly.

"Who? When was this?" I asked.

He grinned. "It's from today. That other reiatsu beside yours is Hinamori Momo."

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**REVIEW 3**

**Dictionary:**

**kawaii- cute**


	15. Target Located

**Author: zomg a update during school!!!!**

**Kami: It's just cause you're getting tomorrow off because they're going to rip out your top braces and tighten them.**

**Author: ...*whimpers***

**Saiko: Don't be mean, it's going to hurt a lot! She won't be able to eat for two days because everything will hurt and it'll be monstrous pain! So you should leave Author-chan alone!**

**Author: D8 T___________T**

**Ayako: I don't think you helped, Saiko =____=;**

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* * *

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_Target Locked._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"H-hinamori?" I asked, my eyes wide, "why—"

My sentence was cut off when a flash of light obscured the screen. The colors began to twist and turn in massacred patterns. My breath hitched. What was going on? The screen went black.

"Kurotsuchi?" I turned to the scientist who was watching the screen with interest. A triumphant grinned mutated his face and he clapped his hands together, standing up.

"My theory was correct," he said proudly.

"What theory?"

"Kanaye has severed her connection from her original body and has relocated the transmitter," he said. I stared at him, completely blank. All his words had gone through one ear and out the other. He scowled.

"Listen closely, taicho, I'll only explain this once. Kanaye managed to remove Kami's soul from her original body and place it in a makeshift body, the puppet. _However_ he somehow made her old body into a transmitter."

"A transmitter for what?" I asked and my eyes narrowed suspiciously. He scowled again.

"I was just about to explain that. When you first brought Kami to me she had a wound that appeared without a cause, is that correct? Yes, good, you're not as stupid as you appear, anyways; the infliction is like a message, created by Kanaye. That 'message' is inflicted on her old body and her new one acts as a receiver," he explained. My brows furrowed as I tried to make sense of what he was saying.

"So basically he cuts Kami's human body and it appears on her puppet body?" I said slowly.

"Correct. The soul is connected to the body in strange ways," Kurotsuchi mused.

"So what happened this time? There's no wounds," I argued.

"I explained that. For some reason, Kanaye changed transmitters. Kami's human body is no longer connected to her soul. When that action took place, her soul became unstable. She should be fine with lots of rest," Kurotsuchi said and waved his hand, dismissing me. My eyes widened in disbelief.

"That's it?" I asked incredulously.

"What else do you want?" he asked irritated. I faltered and stared at the ground. My hands clenched into fists. He sighed. "There's no way to prevent the attacks. The only way would be to get Kami's body back and return her soul to her body," Kurotsuchi grumbled, flipping through some paperwork.

"Where is Kanaye?" I asked.

"Whereabouts unknown."

"How can we find him?"

He glared at me. "I'm working on it. This recent action could either complete the data I need or wipe it clean."

My heartbeat sped up. Wipe it clean? Did that mean he'd have to start all over again?

"Take her with you," he ordered. I nodded silently in thanks and gently removed Kami from the table. Her head turned and she folded against my chest. I didn't care about waiting anymore. I would **make** Kami tell me about those missing memories whether she liked it or not.

**(Marionette.)**

My head was pounding. I groaned and reached up to gingerly press my fingertips to my forehead.

"Kami?" a voice asked softly. I moaned, too loud, too close, too painful. "Here," the voice continued but I was too groggy to make out who it was. Something was pushed into my mouth, a pill, followed by water. I drank greedily. When the water ran dry I rubbed my eyes. The pain began to ebb away and my thoughts sharpened. "Better?"

Toushirou?

"Taicho?" I asked confused and I felt around. We were in his room, I was on the bed, and he was sitting next to me. He pressed his hand against my forehead to check my temperature.

"Do you remember anything?" he asked gently. I frowned. I remembered doing a _lot_ of paperwork...then..._she_ came to visit Toushirou...watermelon...pain...then nothing.

"Only blacking out," I admitted. He sighed.

"I took you to Kurotsuchi's," he said slowly.

"Thank you."

"I know about the soul transfer," he murmured and my eyes widened. I could feel my heartbeat slow down, as everything around me seemed to freeze, and the air was tight with my own dread.

"...D-did you s-see—"

"Your memories?" he finished softly. I sat stiffly as uncontrolled panic swelled inside my chest. He'd seen it. He'd seen everything. He'd seen _her_. I had thought I'd killed that memory but she was still there, blatantly visible for the entire world to see. Those eyes...those eyes would haunt me forever. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks.

"What happened, Kami?" Toushirou asked.

"I'm a monster," I whispered. I felt Toushirou's reiatsu tighten with uncertainty. "I killed her," I moaned and laced my fingers in my hair as memories came crashing back, "how could I do something like that? There must've been another way!" I wailed.

"Kami," Toushirou said calmly. What did he know?! How could he be so calm?! I slapped his hand away when he tried to place it on my shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I shrieked.

"Kami!" he pleaded.

"WHAT?!"

"You're not a monster," he argued softly.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" I screamed, I lurched off the bed and onto the unforgiving floor. My legs weren't strong enough to hold my weight and they buckled. I fell to the floor and my knees slammed against the hardwood. "WHAT THE **FUCK** DO YOU KNOW?!" somewhere in the back of my mind there was a voice demanding that I calm down, that it wasn't his fault, he'd done nothing wrong, but I'd kept it all bottled up for so long and it was overflowing and unstoppable. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH!"

"BECAUSE YOU WON'T TELL ME!" Toushirou roared and I froze. "Don't yell and scream at me when you refuse to show anyone you're hurting," he growled and I flinched. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back my tears, fighting down the screams, and forced everything back into the vacant space in my mind. "Don't hold back," Toushirou snapped. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders suddenly and my breath hitched. "I trust you," he murmured, "you're not a monster." I couldn't stop the onslaught of tears. My arms wrapped around his stomach and I buried my face in his shoulder as I sobbed into the curve of his neck. Everything that'd I'd hidden, everything that I'd kept secret came pouring out. His hand rubbed circles into the small of my back as I choked on sobs and my tears soaked into his kosode.

"Tou-toushirou?" I whispered. I didn't want to call him taicho anymore. It wasn't because I didn't respect him, it was because he was too important to me now.

"Nanda, Kami?"

"A-arigatou."

He smirked and I felt his face nestle into my hair. He deserved more than what I had to give, but he deserved the truth at the least. "Tsubaki," I whispered and he stiffened, "the scentless flower."

"Who—"

"That girl..." I trailed off. I mustered my courage and felt all his attention on me. "Her name was Tsubaki, the camellia. She was plain, lifeless, and completely passive. But, like the flower, you realize, after a while, just how beautiful she actually was," I took a shuddery breath, "She was some orphan K-kanaye had found on the streets. He said that he didn't want to use me in the first soul removal experiments because it'd probably kill me. So he used Tsubaki. She had a strong spirit and managed to survive through them all but when the experiments progressed to a certain point, Kanaye decided that he wanted to use me instead. Tsubaki was of no use anymore. He told me to kill her. I refused. She'd become like a little sister to me and I couldn't do that to her. But then..." I paused to calm my thoughts. Even though I couldn't see anymore, I could remember her face perfectly. Her tiny little face and doll-like hands. My little Tsubaki. "H-he threatened Saiko. He'd locked her upstairs since the beginning of the experiments and told me...if I didn't kill Tsubaki, that he'd kill both of them himself. 'Choose,' he said, 'one or both'. I-I chose one."

Toushirou's arms were tense around me and he didn't move. He didn't say anything. My hands slid from his waist and I let them hang limply.

"I really am a monster aren't I? If not, a coward at the least. For years I couldn't even face my _memories_ let alone talk about her," I whispered. Toushirou pulled away. He was going to leave. I knew he would. I wasn't someone he wanted around him. I was filth.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

I was angry. No, I was **furious**. I wanted to kill that man, break him apart slowly for every thing he'd done to Kami. I pulled away. Kami turned away and wrapped her arms around herself, I habit I knew people used when they wanted to separate themselves from others. I wouldn't let her. Gently I cupped her cheek and used my thumb to wipe away her tears. Her eyes widened and she froze with surprise before turning to face me questioningly.

"You're not a monster," I said firmly. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she sniffed before wiping them away furiously. She buried her face in her hands.

"Chigau, I **am** a monster," she whispered. Delicately I took her cupped the sides of her face, my hands just brushing hers and leaned forward. My lips brushed against her forehead, earning a stunned silence.

"T-taicho?" she whispered, probably out of habit. I frowned.

"Nandato? You just start calling me by my name and you're going to go back to being formal _now_?" I sighed.

"W-warui..."

"Say it," I ordered.

"Demo—"

"Kami," I said warningly.

"...Toushirou..."

I smirked. "Again."

"Toushirou..."

"Again."

"Why?" she whined.

"Do it," I ordered with a smirk.

"Toushirou," she sighed. I could tell she was over her little breakdown but I had to be sure.

"So, the colors of your memories..." I trailed off when she stiffened. "Red and green are anger and jealousy...right?" She squirmed out of my grasp. Her eyes were wide with panic. "So, why don't you like Hinamori?" I asked innocently. Her pale cheeks grew red and her mouth opened and closed a few times. I grinned. "It couldn't be...that you're _jealous_ because she was **talking** with me, could it?" Her blushed deepened. Oh, sweet revenge.

"I-I don't know what you're t-talking about," she stammered. My grin grew.

"So all it takes is for me to talk to another girl to get you upset?" I asked teasingly.

"Urusei! I wasn't upset. I...like watermelon but I didn't want to ask," she blurted. I laughed and she blinked in surprise.

"Watermelon?"

"Yes," she huffed defensively.

"Yeah, I _totally_ buy that," I snorted. Her face flushed at my sarcasm and she opened her mouth to retort but I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Why...why are you being like this?" she whispered. I didn't answer, I couldn't. I don't know the reason myself but I felt better seeing her back to her normal self.

"You should get some sleep," I said instead and pulled her to her feet.

"Toushi—"

"Kurotsuchi said that's the best way for you to recover," I said and picked her up. I set her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked.

"Two days," I mumbled.

"Gomen," she yawned.

"Why?"

"The paperwork must've piled up," she mumbled. I snorted.

"I made Matsumoto do it," I said.

"How?"

"I froze her to the chair," I said triumphantly.

"Hidoi yo!" she gasped and I chuckled.

"Serves her right, it'll melt eventually."

I watched her until she'd settled. Her breathing evened out as she fell asleep and I watched her for a few moments. Her face didn't look so pained anymore and I smiled slightly. But I frowned soon after. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't risk another tantrum to tell her, so soon after she'd woken up, that we'd found Kanaye.

* * *

**ZOMG.**

**Dictionary:**

**Tsubaki - Camellia (a flower)**


	16. Liar

**Author: Aw~! Thank you guys for all your wonderful comments and I'm sorry this took so long to update D: ...um..i think...updating will be slow for a while because my best friend's dad is really sick and...i don't think i'll be able to concentrate very well so i apologize in advance.**

**

* * *

**

_Liar._

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"What'cha gonna do, Taicho-san~?" The girl cooed. Long, sleek black hair cascaded over her thin shoulders and her icy grey eyes were sparkling with excitement. The teasing curves of her lips had been partially smoothed into a smile. I tried not to notice how her creamy skin covered her curved body entirely and was exposed by a ridiculously short skirt and revealing top.

I grunted. I couldn't attack her. If I did, I'd run the risk of permanently damaging her. I hadn't expected her to be this good of a fighter. Her sword glinted in the moonlight and she brought it over her head.

"This is the end," she murmured. She slammed her sword into the ground and with a sickening sound, the earth crumbled from behind me, opening up its jaws. I jumped into the air as roots reached out, attempting to drag me into the makeshift grave.

"**Souten ni Zase, **_**Hyourinmaru**_," I growled. The ice dragon shot forward, freezing over the persistent plants.

"Who are you to Kami?" The girl asked.

"I have no reason to answer an imposter," I snarled. I heard the sound of blades crashing and looked to Kanaye and Matsumoto. I could tell that not being able to kill Kanaye was putting a strain on Matsumoto. Kurotsuchi had been clear when he said that Kanaye was to be brought back alive and as unharmed as possible.

"Are you her captain?" The girl in Kami's body asked innocently. I flinched and she grinned. "So _you're_ the one!"

"I'm what?" I asked suspiciously.

"The one Ayako-san and Kami-sama both have their eyes on," she giggled. I felt my cheeks redden, despite the situation, before they widened.

_Kami-sama?_

"Who are you?" I asked slowly. She grinned.

"I'm Kami-sama's little sister," she said proudly.

"Little sister?" I asked incredulously.

"Hai~!"

"She doesn't have a sister," I growled and lunged. Our blade clashed and her smile faltered.

"She doesn't remember me?" she asked softly, her voice trembling.

"What's your name?" I asked and pushed my blade forward. She pushed back.

"Tsubaki."

I stumbled backwards. "T-tsubaki?" I stammered and her eyes lit up.

"You know of me? Kami-sama talked about me?" she asked excitedly.

"Tsubaki," Kanaye snapped and Tsubaki flinched, "we're leaving now."

"Demo—"

"**Now**."

"WAIT!" I shouted as Tsubaki and Kanaye jumped back. Matsumoto lunged forward but Kanaye held his blade to Tsubaki—Kami's—throat. Matsumoto and I froze, if he cut her throat, would Kami die as well?

"Gomen, taicho-san, but we have to leave as of now. We'll be back though, so don't worry too much," he said cheerily.

"As if I'm going to let you get away!" I growled and lurched forward. A sly grin appeared on his face and he pulled a small device from his pocket.

"Sayonara," he chuckled and pressed a button. Behind him the air was twisting and wrenched apart to reveal a senkaimon. My eyes widened.

_How in the world...?_

"Taicho!" Matsumoto cried. They stepped into the senkaimon and images of Aizen flashed through my mind. Tsubaki looked as if she wanted to say something but was fighting against it. I was so close to reaching them and just as she opened her mouth, the portal snapped closed. I froze as the realization swept over me. This might've been the last chance to get Kami's body back and I'd blown it. I stared at the spot where the portal _had_ been.

"..." Matsumoto said something that I didn't catch as I stared numbly ahead. "Taicho?" she murmured and placed her hand on my shoulder. I brushed her off without a word and turned towards Sereitei. We'd been so close but they knew we were coming and had been waiting in the garden. I glanced at the small fenced in yard that had been flourishing in Kami's memories. It'd had gone to ruin and the plants had overtaken the entire garden. I frowned. Matsumoto followed me solemnly as I walked into the house. Everything was exactly the way it had been in Kami's memories. I walked through the house.

"Where are we going?" Matsumoto asked softly as I turned a corner and slid the door open softly. Kami's old room. Other than the dust, nothing had changed here either. There was the small stuffed animal that she'd carried around, laying on her futon, and moth-eaten clothes tossed around the floor. I picked the stuffed dog up and brushed it off. It looked as if it'd fall apart any moment.

"We'll find him again, Taicho," Matsumoto said determinedly.

**(Marionette.)**

"Toushirou?" I called, stepping into the office. He looked up from his desk.

"What are you doing up?" he asked. I frowned. He sounded _really_ tired.

"I'm fine, what's wrong with you?" I asked, setting Hakuryuu down on my desk. He shifted uncomfortably and my frown deepened.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," he mumbled.

"Did something happen?" I pressed.

"Don't worry about it," he growled and it sounded like an order. I huffed.

"Fine, be like that," I muttered, "I was only trying to help."

He sighed. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I had a meeting today and work piled up."

"Oh."

The room fell silent. My desk was empty of work and I had a feeling Toushirou had finished it for me. "Toushirou?"

"Yes?" he asked irritably.

"Thank you," I whispered, turning my face away from him.

"For what?"

"Everything."

"It's fine," he grunted but his tone was softer and I smiled. I thought of things I could say, to keep the conversation going, but the door burst open.

"KAMI-CHAN, YOU'RE AWAKE!" Matsumoto cried happily.

"Ah, hello Rangiku-san," I said weakly. She attacked me with a hug and I heard Toushirou sigh.

"Toushirou was _sooo_ worried about you!!" she exclaimed cheerily.

"MATSUMOTO!" Toushirou growled and I felt his face heat up. I giggled.

"Oh, is that so?" I asked teasingly.

"Of course I'd be worried if my sanseki was ill," Toushirou scoffed, attempting to regain his composure.

"He was really, really worried about you," Matsumoto whispered in my ear.

"I can hear you," Toushirou muttered. Matsumoto giggled.

"Oya, oya, Hinamori-chan said she's coming over later," Matsumoto announced and I flinched with annoyance. Toushirou smirked but said nothing. Matsumoto didn't notice and said something that I only caught the end of,

"—you guys should really hook up. You've known each other for _years_," Matsumoto whined and I stiffened.

"Hinamori is just an acquaintance, Matsumoto," Toushirou sighed.

"Hidoi yo, Shiro-chan," Hinamori said from the doorway.

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho to **all** of you," Toushirou growled and I couldn't help but laugh. I felt him focus on me and I fell silent, hiding behind Matsumoto slightly to cover up my grin. "_You_," Toushirou said dangerously, "should be in bed resting."

"I don't wanna," I whined, "I've been sleeping for what, five days?"

"Four."

"I'm _fine_," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Is there something you needed to speak to me about?" Toushirou asked, turning to Hinamori wearily.

"Iie, I just wanted to see how you were doing," she said cheerily with a wave of her hand. I frowned. Matsumoto pulled me in a hug.

"Don't you agree that they should go on a date?" She asked me.

"R-rangiku-san!" Hinamori cried, embarrassed. My stomach clenched at the idea but I forced a smile.

"I really think they should be the ones to decide that," I said.

"Demooo~!"

"Matsumoto," Toushirou said sternly but stopped when I walked over and dropped down onto the couch. I felt his eyes narrow. "You refuse to go to bed but you'll sleep on the couch?" I waved away his comment and sprawled out. He grumbled something under his breath and I rolled over onto my side. "Matsumoto, go get some tea, will you?" Toushirou grumbled and I felt something being draped over my curled body. I didn't have to use my reiatsu to figure out what it was. It smelled like Toushirou and felt like a coat. It was his haori.

"Arigatou, Toushirou," I mumbled, trying to hide the fact that I was, in fact, tired.

I felt Matsumoto leave and Hinamori sidled over to Toushirou's desk. Toushirou settled down into his desk chair and I could tell they thought I'd fallen asleep. Toushirou was letting his emotions go a little out of his control, a habit I'd found that he did when he was either asleep or thought I was.

"She's cute," Hinamori said softly and knowingly. Despite my original dislike for her, I felt kind of guilty. She wasn't _that_ bad, I'd admit but I didn't like how she'd known Toushirou for so long.

"What about it?" Toushirou asked gruffly and I felt a pang of disappointment. She giggled childishly.

"Have you gone on a date yet?" She asked and Toushirou glared at her.

"No we have not," he said curtly.

"Why not?" Hinamori gasped.

"It's not...like that, Hinamori," he said defensively.

"It _could_ be," Hinamori hinted, "besides, it's so **obvious** that you like her." This time _my_ cheeks flushed and I was glad I wasn't facing them.

Toushirou fumbled slightly as he turned to her sharply. "W-what are you talking about?" he growled, still trying to keep his voice low.

She giggled. "You gave her you **haori**. You'd never do that for just anyone," she giggled, "**and** she called you 'Toushirou' and you said nothing."

"I didn't notice and if she got sick again her work would pile up," he said defensively. Hinamori sighed.

"Are you sure, Shiro-chan?" He glared at her.

"It's Hitsugaya—"

"Are you **positive** you don't like her?" Hinamori asked again. I waited anxiously. Why wasn't he saying anything? I bit my lip to keep from telling to him to hurry up and answer her.

"Yes," he said finally, "I don't like her like that." I bit down on my lip harshly and my insides twisted painfully.

"Then..." Hinamori started and I felt her glance in my direction, "please don't tease her."

I stiffened, as did Toushirou. "What do you mean?" Toushirou asked slowly.

"I think...she likes you very much Toushirou...as a friend...as a captain...and maybe more. Please don't treat her differently so that she thinks that there's a chance that something might happen."

Toushirou fell silent and I felt him stare at the back of the couch where I was lying. I heard the door open. "Oh, Kami-chan fell asleep?" Matsumoto asked quietly and Toushirou nodded. I felt her set a cup down on my desk before handing one to Toushirou and Hinamori, keeping one for herself. "What's wrong Taicho?" Matsumoto asked and Toushirou ignored her. I felt a flash of rage, not at Hinamori, not at Matsumoto, and not at Toushirou. I was angry with myself. I was angry with myself for letting the smallest bit of hope creep into my heart. I fought the urge to cry because I knew if one of them saw me, they'd know I was awake. But, this heartache was barely tolerable. I realized that I really cared about Toushirou, maybe even loved him. But it one-sided and he didn't love me back. But then again, who would? Who would love someone like me? No one. I was probably just a nuisance to Toushirou. Maybe I _should_ transfer back to juichi-bantai and then Toushirou wouldn't have to deal with me.

I hadn't felt this much self-loathing for years, not since I'd killed Tsubaki.

I couldn't take this much more. I needed to get out. I would only end up hurting if I stayed in the ju-bantai. I clenched my hands and grit my teeth. I would leave this behind me. Just like it should've been, Ayako would be with Toushirou and sanseki. She'd be happy. Saiko was the roku-bantai sanseki and I'd be yon-seki of the juichi-bantai. That was the way it was supposed to be.

"Should we wake her up?" Hinamori asked softly.

"Leave her be," Toushirou said sharply and I flinched. I stirred, pretending as if he'd woken me up. I slowly rose from the couch.

"Did I fall asleep?" I asked quietly.

"Yup," Matsumoto said and took a sip from her tea.

"Oh," I said, "I guess I'll go to bed then." Before anyone could say anything I was up and out of the room with a forced yawn and rubbing my eyes. I grabbed Hakuryuu and fled. I practically ran down the hall to Toushirou's room. I dove into the bed and placed the zanpakutou on the pillow beside me. I felt Hakuryuu begin to manifest before comforting arms wrapped around my curled body. My body shook with silent sobs and Hakuryuu's cool hands stroked my hair.

"It'll be alright," she whispered into my hair.

"No it won't," I wailed softly and curled into her desperately. "It'll never be alright."

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Leave her be," I said. I wanted her to continue resting but instead, she stirred. I frowned.

_Dammit, I woke her up._ I thought wearily. Slowly she rose from the couch but there was something off about the way she moved and I frowned.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asked quietly. Her tone sounded dejected somehow.

"Yup," Matsumoto said and sipped her tea. I saw her watch Kami intently over the rim off her cup, as did Hinamori.

"Oh," she mumbled, "I guess I'll go to bed then." And then she was gone. She picked up her zanpakutou as she passed but she was out of the room before anyone could say anything.

_That was odd behavior._ I thought confused. I dismissed it but looked up when I felt Matsumoto's gaze land on me.

"What were you guys talking about before I walked in?" she asked, her voice even. I blinked.

"Whether or not Toushirou likes Kami...in _that_ way," Hinamori said, just as solemn. My gaze flickered between Matsumoto and Hinamori questioningly. "Do you think...?" Hinamori trailed off.

"Yeah..." Matsumoto nodded.

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked irritably.

"You don't know?" Hinamori asked, surprised.

"Of course he doesn't," Matsumoto huffed.

"If you're not going to explain it, don't talk about it," I grumbled and turned to look at the paperwork that was half-finished on my desk.

"She heard you," Matsumoto said, using a tone of coldness I'd never heard her use. I froze.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not looking up from the paper.

"She heard you, Taicho. Why do you think she left so fast?" Matsumoto said with a sigh and shook her head. I didn't say anything.

_She __**heard**__?_ I stared at the desktop.

"Why aren't you going?" Matsumoto asked, taking on a motherly tone.

"Going where?" I asked, my voice soft.

"To _her_," she said and I could practically _hear_ her roll her eyes.

"And say **what**?" I asked, suddenly angry. I glared at her but I flinched when I saw the steely look in her eyes.

"Taicho, if you care about her, then don't confuse her like this," she said softly. I flinched.

"Toushirou..." Hinamori said softly.

"She'll come out when she's ready," I said and went back to my work.

"Taicho!" Matsumoto cried.

"Enough Matsumoto," I said sternly. She faltered.

"Toushirou...I think you should go speak to her," Hinamori said softly.

_She'll be unstable if I speak to her now,_ I thought wearily, _it won't matter what I say. Nothing will reach her._

"I'll speak to her when she comes out," I said firmly. Matsumoto stood up.

"Then I'll speak to her," she said. She was gone before I could say anything. I stood up quickly.

"Toushirou, Rangiku knows how to deal with stuff like this," Hinamori reassured me. I frowned. Kami was different than normal people. If she threw a fit...

**(Marionette.)**

I had no more tears. I felt completely empty. When we sensed Matsumoto approaching, Hakuryuu dematerialized. Hastily I wiped my cheeks with my sleeves. I curled under the covers and turned my back to the door and closed my eyes tightly.

_Please just go away._ I begged.

The door opened and I felt Matsumoto hesitate in the doorway. "Kami?" Matsumoto called softly. I didn't answer. "Kami-chan...I know you're awake," she said softly and walked over to the edge of the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed. "You really like Toushirou don't you?" she asked. I bit my lip.

"I'm transferring," I said finally when she didn't speak.

"What?" She gasped.

"Back to Kenpachi's group," I said even though I already knew she knew juichi-bantai was the only group I'd ever transfer to.

"Please don't," she pleaded. She leaned over me and cupped my cheek. I wouldn't open my eyes but a tear trickled down nevertheless. "He didn't mean what he said," she said desperately and pulled my limp body into a hug.

"Then why isn't **he** here?" I growled.

"He's not good with his emotions, Kami," she murmured, "he never has been." I struggled to pull away. I didn't like this. I wanted to get away from everyone.

"Please let go, Rangiku," I whispered. I **needed** to get away.

"No, Kami, I'm not going to let go," she argued. I struggled. She didn't understand. It wasn't something I wanted. I _had_ to get away. My emotions, my reiatsu, my everything was going out of control.

"**Let go!**" I screamed, pushing her away. My reiatsu lashed out uncontrollably and I struggled to get away. I felt her lurch back. I was angry now. Why would she try to change my mind when she had no idea what I was going through? Would she even understand what it would put me through to even be in his _presence_?

"I told you Matsumoto," a voice sighed and I froze. I sat rigidly on the bed as Toushirou walked over. He took Matsumoto's elbow and propelled her towards the door. "Leave it be for now," he said gently.

"Demo—!"

"Matsumoto," he said sternly. She fell silent and left reluctantly.

He waited until she'd closed the door behind her before turning to me. My body wouldn't let me move.

"You were awake?"

I nodded numbly. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Kami—"

"I want a transfer," I said. He snorted.

"I thought you liked it here," he said sarcastically.

"I...I c-can't do this anymore," I whispered honestly. He said on the bed and I flinched away from him. He reached out to touch my and I recoiled as if his touch might burn at contact.

"I..." he trailed off.

"I want a transfer," I said again and I hated myself when my voice wobbled.

"If I talk to you, will you hear anything that I say?" he asked softly. I blinked. I didn't understand. "If I told you I didn't want you to transfer...would you believe me?" he asked.

"No," I said turning from him.

"I want to see your face," he said. I cringed when he cupped my cheek and turned my face towards him. I desperately wanted to pull away but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Toushirou brushed a strand of hair from my face. I closed my eyes. I felt his cheek brush against mine as he leaned to whisper in my ear,

"I lied."


	17. The End

**updatesupdatesupdates~!**

**author: OKAY. LISTEN/READ. I have A LOT to tell you my dear readers. This, (don't panic) is the last chapter (O:) !!! But it will continue!! The only thing that will change is that there is a time gap and Kami makes new friends.**

**Kami: ew.**

**Author: . ALSO! Because I love you all soooo much, I created a new devART account so that I can show you lovely people my sketch of Ayako, Kami, and Saiko :D (although the scan came out pretty crappy you can still tell ((hopefully)) who's who :\ ) There's only one pic ( XD ) because I literally JUST created the account. I'd been planning on making a new account but whatever. The URL is .com so yeah...um..check it out if you want....**

**Kami: *got bored and started reading reviews* ...oh ya...are you gonna tell them about Ashley-chan's dad?**

**Author: ...T_____T**

**Saiko: AH!! You made her upset!!! **

**Ayako: *pats Author's shoulder***

**Saiko: ... *to readers* ano... Ashley-chan is Author-chan's best friend and her dad has cancer for the second time this year. He had surgery and they thought they got rid of it all but then it came back and he's not getting kemo so Author-chan is trying to make Ashley-chan feel better...**

**Ayako: So if she doesn't update for a while it's probably because of that or homework.**

**Saiko: *continues reading reviews* oh, i hope that Kami doesn't transfer...that would make a lot of people unhappy. But I GUESS it would make things interesting (I kinda agree with Dragon of Twilight)**

**Kami: Thanks. =__=;**

**Ayako: I wouldn't mind if you transferred :3**

**Kami: AGAIN. Thanks.**

**Author: Hahahahahaha!!!! **

**Kami: wtf?**

**Saiko: she just read Luriya-san's comment...**

**Author: goommmeeen i didn't mean to make your friends think you're weird, Luriya-san X3 i'm gonna try and make them think you're weirder !!!**

**Kami: =____=;**

**Author: HEYYY ITS CHOCO-SAN!!! HIIII~!!!! I tried to update as quickly as possible and I'll try and get the first chapter of the sequel up tonight as well :3**

**Kami: ...WAIT................HOW THE HELL AM I _DECAYING_?!?!?! *examines body***

**Saiko: ^^; she means your personality, Kami...**

**Kami: . . . **

**Ayako: -____-; she doesn't get it.**

**Kami: wtf.**

**Author: gooomen ne~! you'll be fine in a bit. It's an easily curable _disease_.**

**Kami: A DISEASE?!?! YOU GAVE ME A DISEASE?!?!?!**

**Author: *laughs hysterically***

**Kami: D: **

**Ayako: ^^; thanks for your support MmUuSsIiCc and we're glad you like the story! Author-chan'll --**

**Kami: WTF *throws book at Author-chan***

**Author: *ducks* NUU!!!! wait. where the hell did you get a _book_ from!?**

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_The End._

**(Marionette.)**

"You...what?" I whispered. His fingers grazed along my cheek and I shivered.

_No. I can't._

"I lied," he repeated slowly. I took a slow, steady breath. I closed my eyes. I closed my senses and I covered myself with my reiatsu, locking everything out, just for a moment. I pulled away slowly.

"Toushirou," I said and I felt him stiffen, "I don't deserve you."

"Don't you—"

"I'm sorry Toushirou," I said and stood up, Hakuryuu in hand. I knew what I had to do and felt so much better for it. This wasn't the person I wanted him to love. I stood up and walked away from the bed. He didn't move and I hesitated. "I'm worn out, Toushirou," I admitted but he said nothing. I took a deep sigh. "_You've_ worn me down, Toushirou. When I came here...I wasn't...I'm not who I am. Not who I was. If I leave and if..." I lost my words and I forced myself to breathe. "I don't want you picking me up all the time, Toushirou," I said firmly and opened the door.

"I found Kanaye."

My heart stopped.

"The garden is overgrown and wild," he said, his voice even, "and I saw your body."

My heart sped up.

"I _know_ who you used to be and I know who you are."

"W-what..." I trailed off.

"He got away," he continued, "and someone's in your body."

"**In** my body?" I asked. I didn't care about him getting away but the thought of someone in my body nauseated me.

"Yes. It's someone that you know," he said and my brows furrowed. There was someone I _knew_ **in** my body? "Tsubaki," he said coldly.

"Tsubaki is _dead_," I said.

"Apparently not," he said and stood up. His body was rigid and his reiatsu was tight. He was angry.

"She is."

His hands hit my shoulders hard and he spun me around before slamming me into the wall. "She's **not** dead. You've got nothing left to blame yourself for. It's not selfish to want something for yourself," he growled. I stared blankly ahead. He was very, very angry with me.

"Do you understand it now?" I asked softly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you understand what it means to have something out of reach?" I asked unflinchingly. He pulled back slightly.

"Is this what this is about?" he growled.

"No not really," I sighed, "I'm just tired of it. I'm transferring."

"I won't sign it."

"Zaraki will," I said and pushed him away gently. He allowed himself to be moved away in his shock. I hesitated at the door. "Tsubaki can keep my body," I said with a grin, "she'll probably use it better than I ever could." He didn't say anything. "Don't think you're getting rid of me this easily," I said softly. No...this was something I wouldn't let go of.

**(Frosted Heart.)**

She was gone. My eyes flickered around the room before scolding myself for my stupidity. Of course it was empty. The papers sat on my desk, untouched. Matsumoto had left the minute she found out that Kami was transferring. Even Hinamori had gone to try and convince her otherwise. Ayako still didn't know.

There was an emptiness engulfing the room. Her reiatsu lingered but her presence did not.

"I was so stupid," I muttered to myself. Of course she wasn't _mine_ but I'd stupidly acted like she was.

"Taicho?" a voice asked and I glanced up. My eyes skimmed over blonde and I frowned. What did Kami see in this girl? Every time Ayako or Saiko entered the room the air around Kami shifted and all her focus went to her friends. It was an exclusive focus that she never gave anyone else. They were her blood, her breath, her life and as much as I denied it I knew, deep down, that I wanted her to think of me as something she couldn't live without.

"Nanda?" I asked wearily.

"Is it true that Kami's transferring?" Ayako asked boldly. I hid my flinch before nodding slowly. She sighed and scratched the back of her hair.

"Restless girl. It's about time though," she muttered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hiding my anger. She blinked before smiling weakly.

"It's her way of protecting herself."

I stared at her questioningly but said nothing.

"Yup," she said, "when things get tiring her cold, take-no-shit exterior cracks and she ends up like a turtle with no shell. Then she retreats for a bit, to where no one can disturb her emotionally, then she comes back."

"I don't think she plans on coming back," I muttered and closed my eyes, leaning back in my chair.

"I think," she trailed off to concentrate before continuing, "she ran away three times when we were living in Rukongai. Saiko said she ran away once during school and was about to a second time before Kurotsuchi-taicho said he'd pull her out of the academy if she did it again. She's just one of those people who need space every once and a while or they'll explode."

"She ran away?" I asked incredulously. Ayako laughed, it sounded like a small bell.

"Yeah...her and I were having a fight. Well..._I_ was having a fight with her, she tried to make up but I was being stupid and stubborn. So after a while, her patience ran out and she left. We were so scared. We searched for her day and night but we couldn't find her. It was two days until she came back. She was muddy and hungry but she acted as if nothing had happened. We never did find out where she ran off to all those times. She did it again because...hm, I don't remember but I probably will later, but the third time was because...because..."

"Dairen?" I asked softly.

"...yeah..." she said softly. I closed my eyes again. I wanted to be angry. Angry that she'd left me, angry that she treated Ayako and Saiko so special, and I angry that she was running away, but I just couldn't get a grip on it. I was just...frustrated. "Ne...taicho?"

"Nanda?"

"Do you...think I'm a pain?" she asked and I frowned in confusion. I opened my eyes but she wasn't looking at me.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Whenever she leaves I always feel like it's because of me and I—"

"She didn't leave because of you," I said and her eyes darted to my face. I sighed and stood up. I needed tea. I placed my hand on her shoulder as I passed her. "She left because of me." I let my hand drop and I began to walk to the door.

"I-I know there—you and Kami were t-together, w-weren't you?" Ayako whispered and I stopped.

"Iie. There was nothing going on between us," I said truthfully.

"Then," she swallowed a sob, "why won't you look at me, the same way you look at her?" My eyes widened and I turned partially.

"What did you say?" I asked. She was crying, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Look at me," she said and laughed scornfully before attempting to wipe the tears away, "Kami's upset and I'm still thinking about myself."

"Ayako-san—"

"Please stop, T-taicho," she whispered. I sighed. Couldn't I do _anything_ right when it came to women?

"You're not a pain, Ayako," I said softly before leaving. Maybe I needed to run away for a bit too.

**(Marionette.)**

"Well look who's back," a voice sneered mockingly. I pretended to squint and stared in Ikkaku's direction.

"Did someone leave on a light?" I asked.

"OI! You little brat!" Ikkaku lunged but was blocked by Yumichika who smiled warmly and patted my head affectionately.

"Welcome back," he said.

"Thanks," I said with a half-grin.

"Ken-chan, look, look!" A voice squealed and I felt the familiar reiatsu of Zaraki-taicho and Yachiru.

"Didya get any stronger, Kurohime?" he asked grinning. My grin stretched.

"Wanna find out?"

He grinned wolfishly. "That's what I like to hear."

**(Frosted Heart.)**

"Do you know what the new transmitter is?" Ayako asked, her voice barely a whisper and my hand froze on the door.

"How did...?" I turned to look at her but she wasn't looking at me.

_Kami must've told her._

"I do," she said softly and slowly her eyes turned to me. I flinched. Although I couldn't quite place the emotion in her eyes, it unnerved me and a bad feeling washed over me.

"What is it?" I asked slowly.

"I can't tell you."

My brows furrowed. "Why not?" I asked angrily.

"Because for you to get what you want, I have to get something in return," she said and my eyes widened.

"What the hell are you trying to pull, Ayako?" I growled.

"Tou-san sees a lot through my eyes...Tou-san wants me to get what I want," she said emotionlessly and my insides churned.

"Ayako," I said sternly, "I need you to tell me." Slowly she began to approach me. I stiffened. My body screamed at me to attack, to defend, do everything I could to get rid of this feeling but I remained motionless. Tentatively her arms slid around my waist and her face bowed into my chest. My eyes widened and my limbs locked.

"I want this," she murmured, "this is all it would take...for Kami to keep living."

My mind flared with anger but I restrained myself from lashing out at her. "Y-you want us to _date_?" I asked and my voice trembled with anger. Her arms tightened in response and my stomach roiled with disgust.

"If you don't...Tou-san will kill her. If you tell her, Tou-san will kill her. If you don't love me," she hesitated to breathe in deeply, "Tou-san will kill her."

**The End** (but not really).


End file.
